It's the end of 2021, and somehow, we still have to have conversations about the morals around breastfeeding.
Some people are still taking the "breasts are sexual" argument way too far, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor nipple-shirt was furious when a guy she barely knew accused her of sexual harassment, because she was breastfeeding her baby near him.
When he took his argument a step further, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for telling a man that I didn't consent to seeing his nipples?"
The OP went out to spend time with a friend.
"I'm 26 [female]. I am a new mom, so I'm pretty much exhausted all the time. I get barely any sleep, and honestly, my body is just so tired."
"A couple of months ago, one of my friends (26 [female]) called me and my baby to go out, so I thought it'd be nice to take a day trip, since I haven't done it in so long."
"She also invited her boyfriend (28 [male]) and one of his friends (28 [male])."
"We spent the day downtown and ate lunch in a nice restaurant."
"It was fun until my baby got a little fussy, so I decided to feed her."
"We were at a park area, so I just sat down on a bench that was relatively out of the way, and started feeding her."
"My friend and the others were taking some pictures, so I kept our bags next to me to watch them."
One of the guys who came along yelled at her.
"Her boyfriend's friend (L) decided to come over to grab something from his bag."
"When he saw me breastfeeding, he got sooo p**sed."
"He made a face and demanded I stop feeding because he didn't consent to seeing my nipples."
"I apologized and said that I was sitting out of his view and I needed to feed my baby."
"He started insulting me and getting louder, and I got really embarrassed."
"I just got up and moved away until my baby was done and then I tucked everything back in."
"It was a bit awkward after that, and I just told my friend that I was going to go back home and left."
The OP later went to celebrate her friend's birthday with her.
"My friend recently turned 26, so she threw a little get-together."
"My mom watched my baby for me and I went to my friend's house."
"She had a couple of other people there, including her bf and L."
"When L saw me, he rolled his eyes and said, 'Ugh, not you again.'"
"But the party was fun, and my friend had a great time."
"Everyone was drinking except for me, because I still needed to go home and take care of my baby."
"L was pretty rude to me the whole time, but I avoided him."
During a competition, the OP called L out.
"Soon, there was an arm-wrestling contest between the guys, and L lost to my friend's bf."
"He started getting a little angry and asked for a rematch. He then ripped his shirt off and started flexing to prepare."
"I was honestly grossed out, and when he saw my face, he asked me, 'What crawled up your a**?'"
"I got a little mad and responded, 'Please put your shirt back on. I didn't consent to seeing your nipples.'"
"He said, 'That doesn't work because I'm a guy.'"
"I asked him how it was different, and he just rolled his eyes.2
"I was getting angrier now and just repeated, 'Please put your shirt back on.'"
"It dissolved into an argument that ended with him calling me a b**h, crazy feminist, and an uptight a**hole."
"Later my friend told me that I probably made too much of a fuss over a shirt."
"Now I'm wondering, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out this qualified as sexual harassment.
"Seriously, the guy practically sexually harassed her while she was just trying to breastfeed her child."
"And yes I say sexually harassed, because he kept acting as if what she was doing was sexual when it wasn't." - ThePyodeAmedha
"OP, L sexually harassed you, and you need to tell your friend, 'I do not want to be at any gathering where L is available to sexually harass me again.' If you and BF invite him, don't invite me." - jdtrouble
"It infuriates me when people tell lactating parents to stop feeding their child because it makes them uncomfortable. If they are uncomfortable, it's because they are sexualizing the act of a baby eating. It's borderline pedophilic in my opinion." - Tayloren52
Others said no one should have tried to stop the OP from breastfeeding.
"Where I live it's illegal to stop a woman from breastfeeding in public. You can literally nurse your baby anywhere and no one can tell you to stop."
"Restaurant? Yes. Clothing store? Yes. Middle of the street? Yes. Church? Yes." - alexisdr
"I live in Romania and here you can get a fine for discrimination if you ask a woman to cover up while she is feeding a baby."
"It's a law that was passed this year, pretty late if you ask me, considering this should have always been a common-sense practice." - JohnThena
Some said the people in the group were worried about the wrong things.
"The guy was being consistently an a** to OP the whole meeting, to which, surprisingly, nobody bats an eye, but then OP starts talking back to him, and then it's the end of the world. Absolutely ridiculous. NTA." - Artistic_Cost_2340
"That guy is a complete d**k! How dare he make a comment about a woman doing something that we were literally made to do. They were made to feed our children and when used for that there is nothing sexual about it."
"OP was too nice to him frankly. As soon as he started his s**t the first time, I would have told him to F off because he doesn't get a vote, and being that there are laws allowing it and he came to where she was, not the other way around."
"Why is OP's friend even spending time with that guy? I can't imagine any of my friends choosing to spend time with someone like that." - JuryNo7670
"NTA. And I find it enraging that your friend or her boyfriend or no one else seems to have stuck up for you."
"YOU ARE FEEDING YOUR CHILD. IT IS NOT A SEXUAL THING. I get so mad when men act like this it's so childish." - KiwimagnoliaA
While the OP thought she might have been wrong for speaking up the way she did, the subReddit didn't think so. The guy was making an issue out of something that shouldn't have been, especially since she wasn't doing it right in front of him in the first place.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.