Wedding planning is not for the faint of heart, as nothing quite so effectively dredges up old resentments.
A man on Reddit’s story is a perfect example.
He refused to attend his brother’s wedding because his fiancée banned his son from their wedding simply because his son’s mother was the bride’s “sworn enemy” in high school. He wasn’t sure about how he handled it, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by helpwiththis_1 on the site, asked:
“AITA for refusing to go to my brother’s wedding if my son can’t go?
He explained:
“Some backstory: My brother’s (30m[ale]) soon-to -be wife Tara (26f[emale]) went to the same highschool as me. She was one grade below me but we all knew eachother. I (27m) have a 5 year old son with an Ex girlfriend who also went to school with us.”
“My ex and my brother’s girlfriend hated eachother. They were on the same drill team and idk were jealous of eachother, it was some old bs petty highschool rivalry. Then I guess it got bad because they were both crushing on the same guy and he got with my ex after he rejected Tara.”
“I got with my ex in college. It was a brief thing, we broke up right before my son Jason was born. He’s with me full-time and my ex is in the picture sometimes but not that much. I found out over a year ago my brother was in a relationship with Tara.”
“And now they’re engaged gonna get married in November. Haven’t been around Tara much because I’m busy with my own life. When invitations went out my brother called me. He said Tara didn’t like Jason being there at their wedding (they’ve never met before) because he’s the son of my ex.”
“She just doesn’t like the idea of her ‘sworn enemy’s’ son being at her wedding. I didn’t think he was serious because that was all years ago and we’re you know….adults now. My ex isn’t even in our lives so it’s not like she’ll be there.”
“I kind of got mad at my brother that he’d be cool with his own nephew not being at his wedding. All my other siblings are bringing their kids.”
“My brother pleaded me to go along with this because he wants her to be happy on their special day. So I said you know what fine. But if my son isn’t allowed at the wedding then I won’t be going either.”
“Now my brother’s the one mad at me for turning this into a big deal because he wants his family there. But he’s just caught between a rock and a hard place.”
“My parents agree she’s being ridiculous and are berating my brother. My other siblings think I should’ve just agreed and not turn this whole thing into a bigger drama.”
“So I’m on the fence about how I handled things here. If it was a no kids wedding then I’d get that and yeah it is their special day.”
“But my son is the only one not allowed to be there and I don’t feel right with excluding him over something childish that was 10 years ago.”
“AITA?”
Redditors were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were not here for the fiancée’s pettiness.
“NTA – if it was a no kids event then I would say no biggie but since kids ARE allowed, the bride is being the AH. It’s not your son’s fault that the bride has something against his mother – good on you for standing up for your son. I know this might be a slippery slope fallacy but if you allow it for the wedding, what else is she going to exclude your son from? Just doesn’t make much sense on her end” —cynthiasophia
“That whole child of her “sworn enemy” took me out! Does she think the son is going to show up with chainlink mail under his little suit, hum the Rains of Castemere and execute her?!??! You are NOT the AH. However, if she relents and allows you both to attend, don’t drink anything that’s been touched by any of her old aunties. NTA.” —tikanique
“how petty do you have to be to exclude your future nephew from your wedding because of some stupid rivalry from ten years ago? also, I’d ask the other siblings if they would be ‘kerp the peace’ if it was their kid being excluded over this crap” —l3gion-1183
“…imagine if the son found out years later and that his dad still went regardless if OP did go. That would be a huge FU to the son. What are they thinking? The bride and your brother are definitely TA’s. The bride more so than anything, but your brother is supporting it. He’s an AH by trade.” —bumblebeewitch
“NTA but get ready for her to pull the same sh*t at other family events and otherwise treat your kid differently than your niblings. Good to be setting a clear boundary now so the family knows this is not okay.” —legal-eagle8207
“NTA, is she also refusing to be an aunt? What about all future family gatherings? Will she allow her kids (if that is the plan) to play with their cousin?”
“HUGE red flags here. Your brother needs to put his adult pants on and discuss with his fiance about why she thinks it is ok to ostracise his nephew.” —AlarmedBechamel
“NTA. I think brother is being a bit of the ah here too. Once she gets her way, this situation will play itself out over and over.”
“Next year it’s Easter, then finally Thanksgiving and Christmas where she kindly suggests he stay with his mom to keep the peace. If brother intends on having any relationship with his nephew, he needs to shut this down now or he is just as much to blame.” —peacefrog78
Hopefully this bride can learn to get over her high school resentments.