When some people are preparing for their wedding, some will do so after having a vision in their mind of the special day they’d spent imagining their entire lives.
But the vision might be too much for other people, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Dull-Impression-7431 had her wedding colors all picked out for her wedding party and decorations, but she had a vision for the guests in attendance, as well.
But when her mother heard about it, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by what a bridezilla her mother thought her plans made her out to be.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA for requesting wedding guests don’t wear ‘loud’ colors?”
The OP was in the process of drafting out her wedding invitations and 2025 guest list.
“I am currently planning my wedding, and in the process of putting together our wedding website my fiancé and I added the dress code.”
“We stated that attire was semi-formal and we requested guests not to wear loud colors (obnoxiously bright, hard to look at/jarring, and/or neon colors).”
“We then gave a list of sample colors for people to wear (jewel and earth tones, blues, greens, grays, mauve, browns, etc.).”
“This is not meant to be a ‘You can only wear these colors’ kind of thing, but just a suggestion since we are asking for no loud colors.”
The OP shared what she had written on her wedding invitation website so far.
“I did not actually use the words bright, obnoxious, and/or neon colors, that is just my little side note.”
“Here’s what I actually wrote on our wedding invitation website:”
“‘Attire is Semi-Formal. We kindly ask that you do not wear loud colors. Some sample colors to consider that we would love to see: Jewel and earth tones, blues, greens, grays, mauve, browns, etc.'”
“My bridesmaids’ dresses are going to be emerald green with copper fox fur caplets. Jewel tones are completely acceptable to me as colors that guests can wear.”
“We are also allowing people to wear jeans if they wish. I know jeans are not technically considered semi-formal, but we are allowing them at our wedding because we think people can properly dress them up and look nice enough. Otherwise, the dress code is still semi-formal (dresses, dress shirts, suit jackets, etc.).”
“The dress code/color suggestions apply to EVERYONE, even if we added it to our website with certain people in mind. We purposefully did that so we do not have to single anyone out.”
The OP was later surprised by her mother’s reaction to the dress code requirements.
“Well, upon seeing this draft of the site, my mother got (in my opinion, strangely) upset and accused me of being a bridezilla.”
“I asked her to elaborate because I did not understand how this ‘dress code’ would be exclusive if she thought no one would dress in the bright and obnoxious colors we don’t want anyway.”
“This is not the first time she has called me a bridezilla, either. I feel like every time I have an opinion about how I want my wedding she pulls the bridezilla card and it becomes ‘something we can discuss later.'”
“Also, because it apparently matters, I am not white. My fiancés family is. I have long dark black hair, his side is all blonde or ginger.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP’s mother about her acting like a total bridezilla.
“YTA. I suspect your mom is right.” – BabsieAllen
“YTA: I’m totally on your mom’s side here. It’s rude to dictate how guests dress. For a variety of reasons. The main one is philosophical: they’re honored and beloved guests not wedding/photo props. How demeaning to be told not to wear ‘loud colors’ (and how sad you consider basically anything other than an earth tone obnoxious. How devoid of color your life must be!).”
“Your mom makes a good point about love and inclusivity being the takeaway from a wedding.”
“From a practical standpoint, it’s also rude to ask people to buy clothing they might not already have and not even like/wear again. I look terrible in earth tones and pastels. I’m a jewel-tone complexion.”
“I’m also confused by your intent. ‘Loud colors’ aren’t okay, but jeans are? Your family is judgmental but also thinks wearing jeans to a wedding is appropriate?”
“You’re trying not to single out his mom and sister by making everyone feel awkward? He couldn’t just talk with them about what would be good for the wedding? Or talk about coordinating colors with them for family pics. Or gift them outfits. Rather than alienate an entire wedding guest list…” – ecstaticptyerdactyl
“What I always say is, some people only need an excuse to try and exert power over other people.”
“Her wedding is an opportunity to have control over people, and OP sure is trying to (she should listen to her mom).” – OffKira
“You know, I don’t get why people are so concerned about what the GUESTS are wearing. At my wedding, I was so focused on my wonderful husband that I could not tell you what everyone else was wearing, if they brought kids, or what table they sat at.”
“My mom and the bridal party got specific tables, but everyone else was open to sit where they wanted to. I was just glad they came to celebrate my day with me.” – KittKatt7179
“Honestly, it’s your wedding, and it’s not cheap. I don’t know who’s paying (you both or one of your families), but at the same time, it’s also an event for your friends and family to celebrate you two.”
“I do think your mom is being unfair to you, as you said it’s more of a request than a demand. But you also have to keep in mind that not everyone has the budget to buy a new outfit for a wedding if they don’t already have something to wear.”
“I suggest that you add a note saying that anyone who is struggling to find something to wear (for those who wish to comply with your request), that they reach out to you, because you don’t sound like you’re actually being totally unreasonable and that you still want people to enjoy their time with you and your families.” – AlizMari
Others didn’t think the OP was the AH but suggested ways to simply the dress code.
“NTA. This doesn’t seem like that unreasonable a request. Is it too much to ask that people follow a theme for a wedding? Lol (laughing out loud).” – Relevant-Cupcake-431
“NTA, but you are making this overly complicated. Just say the dress code is semi-formal. Anything else just means you will get lots of calls from guests about what colors are allowed. You don’t need that extra stress.”
“Seriously, don’t try to manage everything about this day. You will be much happier if you aren’t preoccupied with what everyone else is wearing.” – amhh1989
“NTA. I don’t know why so many people are offended. People go to events or activities with specific dress codes (including colors) all the time (e.g. Sporting events often have clothing themes, clubs sometimes have theme nights, etc.).”
“I think the way you worded it on your website is fine and not rude at all. I also think the key here is that the dress code isn’t so narrow that it would be difficult for people to find something in their closet; most people have a black, blue, or earth-toned dress already.”
“Suits typically aren’t sold in ‘loud’ colors unless someone bought it custom. Something about asking for specific colors makes everyone think you’re shallow and don’t care about your guests, which I think is so weird. It’s a very big leap, in my opinion.”
“I do think you have to be prepared for someone to miss the memo. How will you react if someone shows up in a hot pink dress? How will they feel when they realize they’re wearing hot pink and everyone else is in dark colors?”
“I think a better way of going about this is to just have the attire be semi-formal and then in the FAQs of your wedding website have an FAQ that’s like, ‘What do I wear?'”
“And then have the answer say something like, ‘Not sure what to wear? Here are a few suggestions to help you decide!’ with a link to an article about semi-formal attire and assemble a small Pinterest board with some wedding guest attire you like (in the color palette you like).”
“That way, it doesn’t come across as a demand and the people who are thinking about their outfit and want some help will have some guidance whereas the people who probably wouldn’t care/would miss your request won’t feel some type of way.” – flaminghotcheetoh99
“NTA. Common wedding etiquette is to wear things not distracting such as bright colors, sequins, white, etc. Some people don’t know. If you are offended by someone telling you to wear something other than neon or bright colors (which most people don’t own, they just choose to be difficult) then don’t go. But NTA.” – mmmmcd16
“I don’t think you’re an a**hole, but I think this is a losing battle. I’d advise speaking with your photographer about muting the colors of any obnoxious outfits so that they don’t stand out. They can edit them down to look more muted.”
“There are a ton of battles to pick during a marriage, and I just don’t feel like this is one that is worth fighting for. Maybe when speaking to your inlaws, just talk up your ideas for the wedding. Show Pinterest photos under the guise of being so excited.”
“I will say, though, that the most remarkable parts of a wedding for a couple are typically the parts that went wrong. Those are the things you will giggle about together in 10 years. At my wedding/elopement, our photographer happened to suck. He got terrible angles, and we have tons of blurry photos.”
“We also forgot to pick up our cake, so we smashed those Little Debbie chocolate cupcakes into each other’s mouths. It was frustrating the day of, but now it just makes me smile. Our kids still talk about, ‘Look, there’s mom and dad’s wedding cake,’ when we go by the aisle in the store since they’ve been told the story. It’s sweet. it’s funny.”
“The flowers I carried got squished by a case of water in the car and got messed up so they looked silly but now we just giggle that I was the flower girl and the bride since petals were dropping off as I walked down.”
“It doesn’t matter one bit now that it wasn’t perfect because our marriage is perfect in its own way. No one else will really remember your wedding besides how happy you looked, so just focus on that. Focus on happiness and on being kind, caring, and empathetic to yourself, your spouse, and your family members.”
“You can stop the judgemental train here and now by ignoring the bulls**t. One day, your children can know that it’s okay to not be perfect and for things to go wrong as long as you are happy.” – Puzzleheaded-Cow9480
The subReddit could understand the bride wanting everything to be just right for her special day, especially given the family feud that was brewing in the background, but they felt there had to be limits.
Not only might some of these requirements make guests not feel welcome or financially unable to attend, but questions about the attire and other similar topics might become overwhelming for the OP, who will already have so much to decide around her wedding day.