Finding the perfect wedding venue is incredibly hard. But, when you feel a connection to the space, it is worth the hassle.
So, when someone tries to steal the venue from you, it can cause an insane amount of tension.
Redditor doentoearyh encountered this very issue with her boyfriend’s brother. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for saying no to someone else using my planned wedding venue?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, my boyfriend (24) & I ( 24F) have plans to get married soon. The venue I want to use is a family owned venue.”
“My boyfriend’s brother (22M) & his girlfriend (21F) also have plans to get married sooner than us.”
“Here’s my problem.”
“My boyfriend’s brother doesn’t work & neither does his girlfriend. So in order to save money and get the best wedding they can, they want to use my family owned venue where I plan to have my wedding.”
“Am I the a**hole if I say no to them getting married at that venue?”
“I want it to be special by us experiencing the venue first and only.”
“For more context, my bf’s brother has almost never worked a day in his life. I don’t have the best relationship with him and neither does my boyfriend. He’s very judge mental (ironic cuz he’s a church goer) and to put it bluntly is handed everything instead of working for it.”
OP added an edit for context.
“Edit: the venue is my family’s land & it’s not open to the public. It’s big enough to plan a wedding there.”
“I grew up on that land and always dreamed of having it there. We celebrate most of our birthdays & celebrations at that location, so my brother in law is aware of the space.”
“He’s checked it out whenever he comes over with my boyfriend’s family so it has occurred to him to do it there as well (for free).”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Going against the grain here but NTA.”
“You can’t forbid them using the same venue – though in this case your parents can since it’s their land – but I would be pissed too.”
“Especially since you are getting married after them. A wedding venue is special to a couple and unless the location is special to them too, I would feel irritated.”
“Of course many other couples get married at wedding venues, but it would feel weird to me too to get married soon after them at the same venue. It would seem like you stole their venue after liking it at their wedding.”
“Again: you can’t forbid them. And making a big deal about it will make you a bridezilla. But feeling annoyed on the inside is perfectly valid.”
“How do your parents feel about them not wanting to pay? They are the ones providing the venue so they are the ones to accept or not accept the wedding.” ~ EntertainmentOk6284
“I’d tell him your parents won’t allow it because of liability. No, strike that. Talk to your folks, tell them that you do not want this and that you are telling them no. I mean, your parents would be smart declining because of liability and who wants strangers tearing up their place?”
“And who asks acquaintances for their place for free? No, they can get married in their own parent’s backyard.”
“Or the park or the Walmart garden center, or the parking lot of the Waffle House, who cares? But they are adults and it’s up to them to find a place that fits their budget, not yours or your parents. NTA” ~ CJSinTX
“What if the brothers wedding causes damages that need to get fixed up for OP’s wedding? Imo, it’s not worth the risk.”
“Sure it’s unlikely, but could happen. NTA.” ~ throwawayj38sld
OP’s parents can say they don’t want another wedding in their property.
“Every comment on here should be talking about liability insurance tbh and a reason it should be refused.”
“What if a guest at either wedding falls over on uneven ground or broken slabs etc? They can sue the parents. Both events would need the appropriate liability insurance to cover any what if scenarios.”
“Now, as their daughter I assume the parents can/will/should cover it for their daughter or OP will have to budget for it and pay her parents to take it out. It doesn’t sound like BIL would be able to cover that cost, and it is a valid reason for the parents to not want the potential legal nightmare it could become.”
“Is the BIL an AH for asking? I wouldn’t say so, as long as he accepts whatever the answer is.”
“Is OP an AH for not liking the idea? Probably not, some women can be very precious over wedding plans.”
“NAH” ~ Astra_Trillian
“It’s not about being a woman? Anyone – man or woman – can care about their wedding plans, especially if it’s being held in a significant family location. Caring about a wedding is not a gendered trait.” ~ unicornsandall
“Yes, this whole situation is beyond odd. She’s essentially getting married in her parents’ backyard (albeit a very large and unusually nice yard), which is not a hirable wedding venue, and her fiance’s weird-ass brother is basically shouting, ‘I WANNA GET MARRIED THERE TOO!'”
“… In her parents’ backyard. Because he thinks that, since she’s getting a free wedding venue, he should too. Because reasons?”
“OP’s use of the word ‘venue’ in the post was a bit misleading and gave a lot of people a different picture of what’s actually happening here, but the true situation is beyond bizarre.”
“Many people get married in their parents’ backyard. It’s a common way to have an inexpensive wedding. But it’s very inappropriate and entitled for someone who’s a stranger to those parents to see that arrangement and demand it for themselves too.”
“OP specified in the comments that no one has been married on this land before, and it’s likely no one will after her. Hosting a wedding is a huge hassle, but OP’s parents are doing it as a gift to their daughter.”
“What an insane thing for a stranger to ask of them! I would be so curious if his thinking is, ‘My brother is getting this free venue, so it’s only fair for me to get it too!’ In which case, yikes, what a child.” ~ Father-Son-HolyToast
Someone needs to give him a reality check.