Family dynamics and wedding invitations can cause an enormous amount of drama.
Not everybody is going to make the cut.
Couples have their reasons, and they often don’t feel the need to explain.
But some people can’t accept that fact.
Case in point…
Redditor Free_Solution1317 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my dad I’ll kick him out of my wedding if he tries to bring his wife and stepdaughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m getting married at the end of this month and I invited my dad because, you know, he’s my dad.”
“So my parents have been divorced since I was 7 and I’ve lived with my mom basically the whole time.”
“And I don’t really get along with my dad’s new wife and stepdaughter.”
“Furthermore my mom doesn’t really get along with them for reasons I won’t go into too much detail here.”
“So when I sent the invite I told him that they weren’t invited and I wouldn’t want him to bring them in the card.”
“He called me up later and tried to get me to budge on not letting them come.”
“But I told him I was firm with my rule since my mom doesn’t get along with them and she’s the one paying almost 150k for my wedding.”
“And I don’t want to inconvenience her with having to meet them.”
“I also told him I only want people I consider family and genuinely care about there.”
“He wouldn’t let it go.”
“So I told him if he tried to bring them to any of the events then I would have to kick all of them out.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole
“NTA. Your wedding so your choice.”
“No one should have to give plus ones to their wedding if they don’t want to but you should be prepared for your dad not to come if he can’t bring his wife.” ~ Recent-Mongoose1140
“Your wedding your guest list…”
“However since your mom is paying 150K on your wedding is she forcing you not to invite stepmom and stepsister?”
“Do you want them to be there?”
“Do you have a good relationship with them?”
“What currency is this 150K being spent in??”
“If the wedding is that large perhaps the trio can all avoid each other and be on their best behavior and celebrate you.” ~ jessy_pooh
“She’s got two major reasons to not invite them.”
“There is the practical reason, she doesn’t want to piss off her mom who’s paying for a humongous expensive wedding.”
“But the even more important one is the emotional reason.”
“OP doesn’t even sound like she wants them to be there either.”
“I’m guessing after the major guilt tripping her dad pulled, she used the money as a point he can’t argue against.”
“But it sounds like she doesn’t want to burn the bridge with her dad entirely, so she can’t outrightly say – I hate those people, I don’t want them there on what should be a happy day for me.” ~ Lithogiraffe
“My friend. Let her mom spend her money how she wants.”
“If she wants to throw her daughter a big fancy wedding and has the resources to do so, let her do so without judgment.”
“So many of these wedding expenses go to small businesses, boutiques, self-employed photographers, wedding planners, etc.”
“It’s great for the economy.”
“And if Mom has $150k for a wedding, she probably already has a house and stability 🙄.” ~ Open-Cricket6994
“Seems people are focusing on the 150k wedding more than the actual issue at hand (I’d have to guess because they are jealous or envy you, anyway).”
“NTA. It is your wedding and this is not an unreasonable request to make.”
“You are close with your mother and respect her feelings.”
“You are not close with your dad’s wife or stepdaughter and inviting them would make you uncomfortable.”
“It is on your dad to either accept or deny the invitation with the limitations you have set.” ~ EntertainingTuesday
“Not enough information to give a good judgment.”
“Your relationship with your dad’s wife (and your dad) is critical here and you’ve told us nothing other than you don’t get along.”
“On the surface, it’s your wedding and you can invite whomever you want.”
“You also can’t reasonably expect your father to attend or not fight for his wife to come.
“Good luck. This will not end well.” ~ seregil42
“NAH. You decided on the guest list because it’s your wedding.”
“Your father doesn’t have to come to an event that his wife and other child aren’t invited to.”
“He can choose to sit it out.”
“As long as you aren’t pressuring your father to come to your wedding without his family, neither of you is an AH here.” ~ sanguinepsychologist
“NTA – you don’t have to have anyone you don’t want at your wedding.”
“I allowed my mom to guilt trip me into inviting my toxic grandmother and it still taints the day seeing her in photos.”
“As long as you don’t turn the screws on your dad for saying no, you’re all good.”
“An invitation is not a summons!” ~ miriandrae
“NAH, I guess.”
“You can choose to include or not invite whoever you want in your wedding.”
“But this was a s**t thing to ask of your dad unless there’s a ton more context you’re leaving out.” ~ Wide-Heron-1015
“Dad is her dad, stepmom is not her mom, it’s her wedding.”
“I don’t understand where any argument is coming from.”
“Why would stepmom want to go somewhere she isn’t wanted?”
“Why would dad want her to go somewhere she isn’t wanted, and push the issue?”
“Why is anyone surprised she isn’t wanted?” ~ cestkameha
“NTA. Your wedding, your guest list.”
“Just know he may choose not to come.”
“And you have to be ok with that.”
“And not throw it in his face later.”
“Can you deal with that?” ~ Future-Nebula74656
“Wait… is that a typo?”
“150k on a wedding? NTA though.”
“You don’t have to have anyone at your wedding that you don’t want there.”
“Went through this when my daughter got married.”
“Didn’t want her dad there but she was saying he was going to show up.”
“We hired a bouncer for the door.”
“Thankfully he did not show up.” ~ jetttward
“ESH – Honestly you can invite or disinvite whoever you want to your wedding.”
“But from some of your replies, it doesn’t sound like your step-family has done anything horrible to you.”
“So to tell your Dad he can come to the wedding but leave his wife and stepdaughter at home seems kind of passive-aggressive.”
“You mention your mom doesn’t really like your Dad’s wife but she should be able to suck it up for your wedding just like I would expect your Dad and his wife and stepdaughter to suck it up.”
“A wedding is just the beginning.”
“My grandparents hated each other.”
“We had a lot of family holidays that were split up so they didn’t have to see each other but as we got older and graduations, weddings, grandkids, etc. happened you bet they both showed up and were civil to each other (my grandmother was even civil to my grandpa’s wife who he cheated on her with).”
“It sounds like you all need to grow up or plan on only having your mom in your life.”
“Now if there is something you are not saying that your stepmom has done like abuse you, etc. my answer would be completely different but you don’t say that and it doesn’t sound like that is the issue.” ~ Feisty-Cheesecake732
“NAH. Look, invite who you want, but your dad isn’t an AH for asking if his wife can attend and he would not be the AH if he now opts not to attend.”
“You’ve put him in a difficult position; try to think about how you or your fiancée might feel if one of you was invited to a wedding and the other snubbed.” ~ happybanana134
“It’s complicated. Yes, you get to choose who you want at your wedding but you put your father in a terrible position.”
“I think what you did and how you handled it was AH material.”
“And frankly, your mom was kind of an AH too.”
“She may not like her ex’s new wife but it certainly sounds like she didn’t do you any favors in trying to help you accept your stepmom or even be decent to her over the years.”
“And now over a decade or two later she’s still angry at her and doesn’t want her around?”
“Both of you need to grow up and move on.”
“The only way I could see as reasonable for not inviting her would be if your dad and the new wife had been cheating and broke up your parent’s marriage.” ~ Silent-Language-2217
“Technically you can invite whoever you want.”
“Your Dad’s Stepdaughter is one thing.”
“Not inviting his wife is another.”
“Generally, couples are treated as a unit. Not inviting both to something like a wedding is a huge slap in the face.”
“You don’t say that she was a factor in your parents’ breakup – just that you don’t especially like her.”
“That’s not enough of a reason not to invite her.”
“You can not invite her, but then your Dad might not come, and your relationship will be damaged irreparably.”
“Your Mom and many other divorcees have to deal with exes and spouses they’d rather not at their children’s and Grandchildren’s milestones.”
“Only you can decide if this is worth possibly losing your Dad.” ~ Pale_Cranberry1502
It sounds like you and your dad may be long overdue for a serious heart-to-heart about all of this.
Perhaps he doesn’t quite comprehend the depths of your feelings on this matter.
It’s time for a real sit down before the big day.