Not only is planning a wedding expensive, but it takes a great deal of time.
It’s not unheard of for a couple to plan their wedding two or more years in advance.
A general rule of thumb is that if a couple has their heart set on a location, they need to book it right away, urged the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
When Redditor Throwrasistaplz’s sister approached him about using his location for her wedding, he was happy to accept but needed to know the date as soon as possible.
Because she didn’t respond in a timely fashion, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t able to accommodate her.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my sister use ‘the family property’ for her upcoming wedding?”
The OP was mostly raised by his grandparents.
“I am 25, my sister is 29 (I also have a younger sister, age 8).”
“When I was 14, my mom sent me to live with her parents. Her excuse was that they needed me to help out. I believe she just didn’t want to deal with a growing male teen.”
“My grandparents owned an amazing property in the mountains that has an amazing view. We also have some horses and other critters. They were also quite wealthy as well.”
His grandparents left the OP a wonderful asset and business opportunity.
“They both passed four years ago, just a month apart. They gave me the property (because ‘I would appreciate and respect it more’) while my mom and sister(s) got money and other assets (overall valued more than the property).”
“In the past four years, I turned part of the property into a venue for mainly weddings (my grandparents knew of this idea and thought it was a good one).”
“We are busy and usually booked about eight months out.”
The OP’s sister wanted to get married at his location.
“My sister got engaged a year and a half ago and said she wanted to get married at the property.”
“I said yes, just let me know the date as soon as possible so I can make sure it is booked.”
“But I never got a date. I followed up several times and kept asking her, and she would brush me off.”
“Two weeks ago, I got the wedding invitation, which stated the property is the location and the date, which is in September of this year.”
“I immediately called her to say that we have booked for that date and can’t accommodate her.”
The family lashed out at the OP for not making the date available for his sister.
“Well, now her, my mom, other family, her partner’s family, as well as other flying monkeys have been blowing up on me.”
“They are also calling and writing reviews for my business.”
“I asked them to stop and called my sister, telling her that literally all she had to do was tell me when she knew her date so I could block it and I would take care of everything else.”
“We do more than just rent the space. We help with decorating. Movement of decor, reception set up. We also have good relationships with 99% of food vendors in our area. So we help with the setup of the food as well as delivery. So it is more than just renting out a piece of land for outdoor weddings.”
The bride blamed the OP for everything.
“She went off on how I am ruining HER day. It is OUR family’s property. How she already sent out the invitations and couldn’t go back now.”
“She said I should just tell the other couple to cancel (they have been on the books for over a year now, and I actually like them). Family is more important.”
“I have no doubt that my mom is the one filling her head. She definitely has the mentality of ‘what’s hers is hers and what is mine is hers.'”
“After the last big blow-up, I started communicating strictly through the business, using our recorded line as well as email. I suggested three other dates around the same time, but that’s not good enough. ‘I’m being resentful and an AH,’ according to them.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found total fault with the OP’s sister for not better planning her wedding.
“NTA, but your sister is a giant AH for expecting you to cancel another couple’s date for… what? Selfish family? She needed to tell you the date and didn’t, that’s on her.” – smallsaltybread
“NTA, but you will be if you cancel on the other couple who has patiently waited more than a year for their venue. Please do not ruin their day.”
“And your sister is a big AH here. She is just misusing her privilege as your sister. You gave her plenty of chances to let you know the date, and she still didn’t, and she didn’t accept the alternative dates you offered.”
“So, she doesn’t deserve this venue. And she probably printed the cards so you would be obliged to give her the date.” – MinaChoi1999
“NTA. She shouldn’t have presumed it was okay in the first place without double checking you were still okay holding it there, and she didn’t give you a date, so how the h**l is it your fault?”
“Good shout communicating through business lines but to be honest, I doubt she’s telling them the whole story; no doubt she’s already told everyone you had the date all along.” – galaxy_defender_4
“NTA. I was honestly expecting this to be a story of how you were going refuse them access to some previously owned property. But instead, you have literally done everything a responsible person could do in this matter.”
“Even if you didn’t already have the venue booked it would be massively entitled to announce that they are taking a date without asking.”
“Does she have caterers booked with a menu? Officiant? DJ? Decorations? Deposits? Or is she thinking that you were doing this and paying for all of it too? Has she talked with any of them and booked them?”
“Also, you still haven’t said no, you offered alternate dates around the same time. Did she book anything on her end that would be affected?”
“As a wedding venue, you probably have relationships with the local wedding contractors. Call around to see if they have anything booked by your sister, when they booked it, and any deposits they’ve made. You could even just pretend to be checking in to organize by saying you’re calling about the arrangements for X and X’s wedding.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t have anything booked or deposited. And your sister is just horribly organized and trying to cover her butt because you were the biggest domino to fall.”
“And after you do that, put out your own respectful Facebook post. At the very least, they can yell at you on a family Facebook post and not other locations.”
“And remind them that they could have had the other two alternative dates this year. If they want them, they need to say so or they may not be getting married this year and that will be on them not you.” – Spector567
“NTA. Everyone removing the bad reviews should be a requirement before you book any date for her.”
“You would also need a formal contract with your sister just like any other client. She needs to pay a deposit in case of damages, and you should only gift the venue location. Your sister should be required to pay for food and drinks and decor and such.” – teresajs
Others encouraged the OP to get a lawyer involved, especially about the bad reviews.
“NTA, I would suggest getting a lawyer involved before your family causes harm to your business. Send them all cease and desist letters.”
“This is YOUR property and business do not allow them to discredit it just because they are not getting their way.”
“I’d also put a PSA out that her wedding will not be at your venue; that way, a bunch of people don’t show up and ruin this other lovely couple’s wedding by causing a scene.”
“One thing I have learned is you never mix family and business. The family will never respect your business because they feel entitled to it. So it’s best to only offer the family a small discount but still make them go through all the proper channels, or they don’t get whatever service you provide.” – Good-Manufacturer396
“NTA. Get a lawyer involved. DO NOT CANCEL ON THAT SWEET COUPLE WHO BOOKED THE PROPERTY A YEAR IN ADVANCE.”
“SUE THEM FOR DEFAMATION OF BUSINESS IF IT COMES TO IT, BUT AGAIN, YOU WOULD BE A GIANT MASSIVE AH IF YOU CANCELED ON THE OTHER COUPLE.” – notimefordumbf**ks
“And this is why I hate how review websites like Yelp, Google, and others can blacklist perfectly good businesses with review bombing. They have the better business bureau, but it’s slander and illegal to have a website like ‘Bad customer listings.com.'”
“NTA. You told her time and time again to give you a date, not your problem. You’re booked.” – ibe404error
“If it’s only you on the deed, it’s not the family property, is yours and yours alone.”
“It’s also your business, and just like any other bride, she has to reserve the date. She’s not even putting a deposit down to hold the date, so she’s already getting preferential treatment.”
“She’s the id**t that sent out invites without confirming the date beforehand. That’s not your fault at all. That’s her incompetence.”
“Does she actually think you should harm your business and cancel a wedding for her incompetence? Cause it seems like she expects you to do that to accommodate her.”
“But you do have to realize that she’s going to the extreme because she’s under a lot of pressure planning a wedding. She’s extra from all that stress, and now she has to redo the invites or find another location.”
“Your family is clearly only getting her side, so give the flying monkeys your side. If they don’t get it after that, you don’t really need to deal with people who can’t listen to reason.”
“As far as the damage to your business, reply to those negative reviews explaining her incompetence. Link this post and everyone else who sides with you here.”
“I don’t think anyone will actually side with her on this. Might even go viral and embarrass the hell out of her and get you even more business. I hope it does.” – Liss78
“NTA x 1,000.”
“Hire a lawyer yesterday. Sit your sister down, and tell her she has two options.”
“The family stops with the harassment and deletes the comments. She gives you a date, and you will schedule it.”
“She loses this venue altogether, and a cease and desist will be filed. If the harassment continues, sue them.”
“This is not your family. Sure, you share genes, but they don’t seem to care about you as a person. That’s not a family. Find your village elsewhere.” – Straight_Western4096
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Thank you all for the overwhelming response. I thought I was going crazy.”
“Most likely Monday, I plan on getting in contact with the couple and see if I can take them to dinner or something to explain the situation (not to change the date but to warn them about what my family is doing). I’m thinking of giving them a discount, getting a guest list, and being tight on security on our part to only let people attending THEIR wedding in.”
“I’m also going to have to have a sit down with my sister, as well as my mom.”
“I have a meeting with a lawyer later this week.”
“And finally, to those of you who offered to help, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to name my business for personal reasons. Thanks for the offer of writing good reviews, but I can’t accept it. I like to earn everything I have or am given.”
“I have made a lot of contacts in this business and am now having to call on them to help me out.”
“Just do me a favor. Be kind to everyone. Show love, compassion, and respect.”
The subReddit was left shaking their head, both about the sister’s poor planning and how the family was supporting her poor management. The OP was already being kind by offering multiple dates to choose from and to even assisting his sister in booking related vendors.
The fact that they were blaming him for not canceling another couple’s wedding plans said much more about them than it did about the OP.