It’s always an interesting feeling when a close friend finds a new significant other.
On the first meeting, it’s fair enough to give them the third degree, to make sure they are worthy of your friend.
After getting to know them better though, most people eventually become happy that they found each other.
In some sad cases, however, some friends are never accepting of their friends’ new romantic partners, as it mostly means they’ll be devoting nearly all their time to them, and spending less and less time with the group.
Such was the case for Redditor Cold_Log9229, whose friends always seemed jealous of her boyfriend.
Things only got worse at the original poster (OP)’s wedding, when her friends, as well as her family, took great offense to the words she chose in her wedding speech.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for referring to my husband as my biggest and strongest love in my wedding speech?”
The OP explained why her family took such offense to her heartfelt wedding speech.
“I (25 F[emale]) got married last week to my husband (25 M[ale]) with whom I’ve been with since we were 18.”
“We started off as friends but it grew into a beautiful partnership.”
“He’s the most understanding and supportive person in my life and one of my biggest priorities as I am his.”
“I also have this group of friends since high school, I’ll give fake names for the sake of the post.”
“It’s Rania, Mary and Becky.”
“Ever since I started dating my husband they’ve always tried to make our friendship vs my relationship into a competition on which is more important to me to which I always replied that I don’t like comparing and putting hierarchy on that stuff because each relationship serves a different purpose on my life.”
“I adore my friends and they’ve been extremely supportive yet I’m not as close to them as I have been to my husband but still I think it’s wrong to go to their face and compare the love I have for each of them.”
“Our families also have this concept of ‘family always comes first’ and while our families do love each other, at some points they’d throw in their true perspective of how his family considers me an outsider and my family considers him an outsider and would guilt us into putting them over our partner.”
“All in all people in our lives always tried to make our relationship an importance competition while we never put each other in that position.”
“So at our wedding reception during our speeches he called me his greatest love and I called him the most important person in my life and my greatest love.”
“To which our families and my friends took great offense.”
“We’ve been bombarded with guilt tripping words from our families of how wrong it is for us to put each other first and consider e/o the most important person and ‘tossing our families to the side’.”
“And my friends said how harmful it is for me to lie for so long about not wanting to put hierarchy and compare the loves I have for friends/partner/family just to publicly announce how my husband is my greatest love.”
“Maybe I am ta for putting that part in the speech because it hurt people around me and caused offense and controversy.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believe the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling her husband her “greatest love.”
Everyone agreed that the OP’s speech was touching and genuine and found the behavior of her friends and family entitled, even a little disturbing.
“NTA.”
“He’s your family now.”
“It would have been a mistake to marry him if he weren’t your greatest love.”
“Your family is weird, competitive, and wrong.”- trishsf
“LOL.”
“Were you guys raised in cults?”
“NTA.”- PansyPeople
“NTA.”
“Wtf is wrong with these people?”
“Haven’t they seen Highlander?”
”’There can be only one.”- JimmiRustle
“NTA in the slightest.”
“Your family is out of their mind for taking offense at.”
“Checks notes.”
“A wife saying something loveable about her husband on their wedding day.”- Butterbeary
“NTA.”
“You are about to start your life with this man.”
“If he weren’t the most important person or your greatest love, then you wouldn’t be taking this step with him.”
“Shame on them for trying to ruin something beautiful.”- Positive_Emphasis_37
“NTA.”
“You are SUPPOSED to put each other first!”- Ill-Conversation5210
“NTA.”
“It was your wedding, for crying out loud.”
“What did they think?”
“That the wedding was supposed to be y’all talking about how great pals you were.”- cocoa-faery
“NTA.”
“Your family and friends seem to share some weird, competitive dynamics that ultimately feel pretty dysfunctional for a happy marriage.”
“What you both said in your wedding speeches is about as mainstream and far from controversial as it gets.”
“Wishing you a long and happy life together.”- mocktailqueen
“NTA.”
“You and your husband are lucky.”
“You’ve found and married your soul mates.”
“If family and friends can’t deal with that, it’s their issue.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“Oh my geez, it was your WEDDING.”
“These are exactly the sort of sentiments expressed at these events the world over.”
“Your family and friends need to abandon the idea that the heart is only big enough for so much love.”
“And more immediately, they need to back right off.”
“Yeesh.”
“NTA by miles.”- Boring-Gas-3878
“NTA.”
“He IS your family and may soon become the father of your children.”
“Your friends are delusional.”- nonamejohnsonmore
“NTA.”
“People were upset because you said something romantic about your husband on your wedding day?”
“Wowsers.”
“Get better friends.”
“Your husband is your family now.”
“Hopefully a more reasonable one than the existing!”- Resident_Pomelo_1337
“NTA.”
“He’s your family now.”
“Literally.”
“They need to get over it.”
“Also, real family does not get jealous of a person’s love and partner.”- Ickyhouse
“NTA.”
“Your wedding is supposed to be a celebration of your love for each other, with the people you love.”
“I’m sorry that the people in your life can’t fathom the idea of a different kind of love you have for each individual and had to make it about them.”- No_Yogurtcloset_1020
“Wtf?”
“NTA.”
“You two are the family now.”
“So you’re doing as instructed – putting family first.”
“Your friends sound very insecure.”
“A long term/married partner always comes before a friend if you absolutely ‘had to choose’.”
“Your families are yikes.”
“Any future children will be part of both.”
“Sounds folks are sad the children grew up to me.”
“But y’all aren’t Peter Pan.”
“If I were you guys, I’d nip this in the bud now that you are officially married.”
“Present a united front particularly to your families.”
“’I understand it’s hard to watch us grow up’.”
“‘But while we were dating and young, it’s easy to view the other was more of an outsider’.”
“‘But we are now married’.”
“‘Children grow up and they create new families – together’.”
“And if kids are a thing you want, then add.”
“‘At some point, we may have children’.”
“‘They’ll be part of each family, but most importantly ours’.”
“‘If you continue to treat us as if we’re doing something wrong by prioritizing each other, you’ll be missing out on a lot of great moments going forward’.”
“PS – in families like this, you will never, ever be able to vent frustrations about your partner to them.”
“They will be used as permanent ammunition and grudge holding.”
“Ditto for the friends.”
“Marriage is wonderful, but undoubtedly there are difficult times, so find a person who is also married to be a place where you can express frustration who won’t hold it against you and your spouse.”-PracticalPrimrose
“NTA, and I think your husband and you do hope that he’s your biggest and strongest love, he’s your husband after all!”
“You married him!”
“Will you marry your friends?”
“No.”
“And I never understood competing for love.”
“You probably have more than enough for everyone who’s important to you.”- Curious_Asparagus270
“Your friends obviously don’t understand the difference between a friendship (even a strong one) and the relationship a married couple should have.”
“You can love your friends deeply, but it’s different.”
“And both of your families need a reality check.”
“If they’re so closed off that they won’t fully welcome a member’s spouse, how tf will the family last?”
“And at some point in the past, an outsider or two had to be accepted in.”
“What a crappy way to approach a marriage.”
“I’m not sure there’s a perfect way to deal with people who are so detached from reality.”
“You’re not going to reason with the unreasonable.”
“I hope they all realize the way they’re handling this is pushing you away.”
“NTA.”- fromthenorth97
It’s sad that anyone, let alone the OP’s closest friends and family, would take hearing her say “greatest friends” as a sign of competition.
Any level-headed person would think that if the OP didn’t consider her husband her “greatest love,” she shouldn’t be marrying him in the first place.
One can only imagine that all these friends will find themselves biting their words when their own wedding day arrives.