Not everyone feels beholden to several traditions when it comes to weddings anymore.
Many of which have somewhat antiquated origins.
These include asking the bride’s father for permission, the bride’s father “giving her away,” or throwing the bouquet or garter.
This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with keeping all these traditions in your wedding, but no bride or groom should feel obligated to include them all either.
Having grown up without a father figure in her life, Redditor nosleepbeauty felt she had the perfect solution as to who would walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
A decision her highly traditional fiancé and his family flatly refused, though the original poster (OP) wasn’t quite ready to take no for an answer.
Wondering if she should concede to her fiancé’s wishes, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiancé and his family’s objections?”
The OP explained how her fiancé and his family strongly objected to her sister walking her down the aisle, despite how important it was to her.
“I (23 F[emale]) was raised by my older half-sister (32 F).”
“I never met my dad, and our mom OD’d when I was ten, and my sister was 19.”
“My sister’s dad was still in her life and was willing to support her, but not me.”
“My sister chose to be my guardian, and her father’s family went low contact with her as a result.”
“In order to raise me, she gave up a lot; her relationship with her father, college, her 20s, and so much more.”
“A few months ago, I got engaged, and I told my sister that in addition to being my maid of honor, I also wanted her to be the one to walk me down the aisle.”
“All my life, she’s had to fulfill so many roles for me — big sister, mother, father, friend — that it only felt right that those multiple roles be honored on one of the biggest days of my life.”
“My sister was ecstatic, and so was I, but when I brought it up with my fiancé, he objected.”
Things took a turn for the “happy” couple.
“My future in-laws are very traditional, and my fiancé had always expected that his wedding would be a very traditional white wedding.”
“He said that it was great that my sister was my MOH, but that her having two roles wasn’t and that it wasn’t appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that’s usually done by a man.”
“Apparently, his family had assumed that my future father-in-law would be the one to give me away since I don’t have any male relatives.”
“I told him that I appreciate his father being willing to fill that role, but that the one who makes me the person I am is my sister, and so it’s right that she be the one to give me away.”
“It turned into an argument that’s spread to my in-laws.”
“My MIL called me a few days ago to say that although she understands how important my sister is to me, it’s also my fiancé’s wedding, and I shouldn’t be putting my sister before him on his day.”
“I definitely heard her on that, but this is still important to me.”
“At this point, my sister has even said that she doesn’t mind just being the MOH and that she doesn’t want to turn my happy day into something stressful.”
“So now it’s just me holding out and being stubborn, but I really don’t want to concede on this point.”
“Am I being the AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for standing firm in wanting her sister to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
Everyone thought that the OP’s sister should absolutely be the one to walk her down the aisle, being the only true parental figure she ever had.
Many felt that if the OP’s fiancé and his family felt so strongly about this, then the OP should seriously consider if this wedding was a good idea.
“NTA.”
“And this is a hill to die on, in my opinion.”
“How is it that you’re ‘holding out and being stubborn.'”
“Couldn’t you say that about your fiancé?”
“He wants to take away something meaningful to you because he wants things to appear his way.”
“That’s entirely self-serving.”
“You’re not putting your sister before him. You’re putting her on your side, right where you want her.”
“This is weird controlling behavior on your fiancé’s part, and it gives a very bad vibe about him and his family.”
“What happens down the road when/if you decide to have children?”
“If you pick out a child’s name, does he get to veto that and replace it with a name of his choosing, too?”
“What’s your role going to be in his ‘traditional’ household, and is that ok with you?”
“I’m not saying to end things over this disagreement, but do take a good look at where you are and where you’re heading before going forward.”- JsCTmav
“That doesn’t even make sense in the context of their tradition, lmao.”
“NTA.”- yas_anastasia
“NTA.”
“What a wonderful way to honor your sister and the roles she has played in your life.”
“Your partner’s inability to grasp something so significant to you is disturbing.”
“The fact that your MIL and probs partner think you are putting yourself ahead of his/their feelings would make me run a mile from them all.”- ReviewOk929
“NTA.”
“I admire the effort your big sister put in to raise you.”
“Having her walk you down the aisle is a no-brainer.”
“Also, you made me tear up.”
“Thanks, I’m at work and am the grumpy, miserable old bloke.”- drainedbrain17
“NTA.”
“I would have serious reservations about marrying someone who was blatantly dismissive of my plan to honor the person who raised me.”- madelinegumbo
“Yes, it is his wedding too.”
“He can get whoever he wants to walk him down the aisle.”
“Nta.”- Ambitious_Policy_936
“NTA, and frankly, I think you should cool your heels fairly significantly when it comes to this wedding.”
“Why rush into a lifetime connection to an entitled ‘traditional’ family when you’re 23?”- fruskydekke
“NTA.”
“Honestly, him running to his family and them coming after you on his behalf makes me a little hesitant about your current communication and conflict resolution within your relationship.”
“You clearly have an imbalance of family support.”
“I’m worried you are going to be completely crushed under their collective weight.”
“Are you always going to have to give in because they get a vote and outnumber you?”-SnooPets8873
“NTA at all.”
“This is the easiest NTA I’ve ever had.”
“So it won’t be a purely traditional wedding.”
“You don’t come from a traditional family.”
“Your future MiL can kindly go f*ck herself.”
“It’s not her son’s day.”
“It’s both the bride and groom’s day.”
“You deserve to be walked down the aisle by the person of your choosing.”
“Your fiancé and his family can say they understand how important your sister is to you all they want.”
“Their objections to her walking you down the aisle say otherwise.”
“They all need to get over themselves.”- bob_fakename
“NTA.”
“If your fiancé is that conservative, you guys need to talk.”- sekhenet
“Just because something is done one way, does not mean it cannot be done in a different way.”
“This is VERY telling of how he sees gender roles.”
“I have to question if other things like this have come up in the duration of your relationship.”
“Does he help with housework?”
“Laundry?”
“Dishes?”
“Or do you do them because they are ‘woman’ chores?”
“NTA and I would die on this hill.”- litt3lli0n
“Why would you marry someone who has such disregard for your feelings and your family?”
“Please think really hard about whether or not you want to put up with this kind of dismissive attitude towards what’s important to you the rest of your life.”- kricket75
“How can someone ‘give you away’ if they never ‘had’ you?”
“I mean, I’m a male, so can I ‘give you away’?”
‘NTA – do what you want.”- caw81
“NTA.”
“This is YOUR wedding, not your in-law’s wedding.”
“But I would be second-guessing my engagement with the fiancé if he can’t even understand why your feelings about wanting your sis to walk you.”- KlutzyAccess6753
It’s understandable why some people feel beholden to certain traditions, as they are likely very meaningful to them.
However, the fact that the OP’s fiancé and his family can’t see how important it was for her sister to walk her down the aisle, citing “tradition” as an excuse, is shocking, to say the least.
If the OP follows the advice of the Reddit community and chooses to call off the wedding, one can only hope he’ll reevaluate his priorities… or she might be the one walking herself out of the relationship.