Though we’re in 2022, it seems there are still people who don’t understand that wedding plans made by the wedding party should be respected by the guests.
There especially seem to be ongoing issues with wearing white and abusing plus-one privileges, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITAmaybebridezilla was completing her last-minute preparations for her wedding when a friend called her, inquiring about what to wear for the wedding.
When the friend refused to respect the bride’s wishes, the Original Poster (OP) considered uninviting her friend from the wedding.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I disinvited a guest from my wedding because of the color of her dress?”
The OP recently advised a friend about what to wear to her wedding.
“My (23 Female) wedding is at the start of August and I’ve been confirming RSVPs this weekend to finalize seating and catering, etc.”
“I ended up chatting with one of my uni friends, ‘B’ (24 Female), and we got onto the topic of clothes for the wedding.”
“B was saying how excited she was to dress up as she hasn’t been invited to a non-family wedding before.”
“Now while we are both British, B is ethnically white, whereas I am South Asian.”
“She said she wanted to wear a sari to my wedding, so I told her a few places she could get a nice one, and she went shopping. I did tell her that red was our bridal color so it should be avoided.”
But her friend didn’t listen to the OP’s advice.
“In my community, you don’t wear bridal colors, whatever they may be, at the wedding reception itself. The sangeet, mehndi, etc., are different.”
“But now she’s saying that she fell in love with a red and gold sari and has bought it.”
“I told her that’s the color of my bridal gown and she needs to find another outfit.”
“She said she’s sure it won’t matter on the day, but like… that’s the equivalent of someone wearing a white dress to a western wedding.”
The OP was considering uninviting her friend over this.
“I don’t have a problem with her wearing a sari, I have a problem with her colors and the fact that she doesn’t care when I’ve explained to her the cultural connotations.”
“She’s refusing to compromise and change her outfit because she loves it so much and she won’t have another occasion in which it’s appropriate for her to wear a sari.”
“I don’t want someone wearing red and gold on my wedding day.”
“WIBTA if I uninvited her over this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend should absolutely be uninvited from the wedding.
“What she’s doing is the equivalent of someone wearing white to a white wedding. I know many cultures wear white for the wedding, but I’m unsure of the exact term.”
“So you’re absolutely well within your rights to uninvite her. However, I’d advise speaking to her one more time and really emphasizing why it’s not okay while making the comparison to a white wedding.”
“At the end of the day, it’s your and your hubby’s day! Make it one that is enjoyable for you. You’re paying for it after all. Not your friend.”
“NTA.” – Prestigious_Candle_4
“You’ve asked her beforehand not to pick that color specifically because it would be something you’d have.”
“You don’t turn up to a wedding wearing white either as you said, it’s ludicrous.”
“If she can’t respect it then she doesn’t need to be there either.”
“NTA.” – MsLollister
“NTA. You already told her to avoid red, and while she may have fallen in love with a red sari, she already knew red was off-limits and could have fallen in love with another one rather than buying the red one.”
“She thinks by saying she already has it and won’t have any other occasion to wear it is her trying to pressure you to give in.”
“Uninvite her, she is not your true friend.” – Jennypenny_03
“I bet that she wouldn’t demand to wear a white gown to a western-style wedding simply because she liked white. So, it is curious that since it is a culture not her own that she doesn’t see the need to respect not wearing the same color as the bride.”
“It doesn’t matter that she wants to play dress-up and feels entitled to wear whatever color that she wants. She can stay home if she can’t respect a basic wedding request.” – Electrical_Date_3951
“She was told ‘no red,’ but she thinks just because she liked it best, she should wear it.”
“I bet she liked it best because it was for a bride. It is like going into a gown shop and saying, ‘I like the white wedding dress best and I just want to wear it because it looks best!’ Bridal suits always look better.”
“She ignored the wishes of the bride from the beginning. She is disrespectful.”
“The wedding isn’t about her. I would uninvite her. Why stress yourself more with this person? NTA.” – EvilFinch
“She’s insisting on wearing a wedding dress to your wedding. She can stay at home and wear it there.” – banjo_fandango
“First off, if I’m the white woman attending a South Asian wedding, I’m only wearing a sari if the bride or groom invites me to do so. Then I’m asking what are the colors to avoid and then DO SO!”
“NTA, she’s being rude and entitled. This is your and your husband’s day. You’ve not made an unreasonable request, she intends to ignore your wishes.”
“Disinvite!” – BadWolf7426
Others agreed and thought the friend was being selfish and entitled.
“How incredibly selfish can she be that she bought a sari in the color you specifically told her not to buy. Then when you reiterate that she’ll be wearing the same colors as your sari, she won’t change.”
“She doesn’t sound much like a friend to me.” – Talathia
“Super selfish and entitled, this would be a friendship ender for me and she’d absolutely be uninvited.”
“This woman thinks her own feelings of ‘falling in love with a sari she’ll never get to wear’ is more important than the bride’s only explicit request.”
“In other words, dressing up is more important to her than actually being there to support her friend and participate in their culture on their wedding day. Girl, bye. NTA.” – -DollFace
“The ‘I’m sure it won’t matter’ is what struck me the most. Her friend, the bride, is outwardly telling her over and over that it matters, and she is pretending like she doesn’t hear her. I have a feeling she is used to bullying her friends.”
“OP, I would let her know that she can either return it for a different color, and show that she actually gives a d**n about the words that come out of your mouth, or she can wear it at home.”
“I would also ask her if she would dare wear a white wedding dress to a friend’s wedding. If the answer is no, then ask why she values your wedding traditions less than western traditions? Make her feel awkward.” – anneofred
“NTA she’s valuing her experience of getting to wear Indian clothing over your wedding. She can cosplay somewhere else.” – Pale-Procedure895
“No, you would not be the AH. You told her specifically that red and gold are off-limits, as this would be the same as wearing white.”
“She can return the dress and buy another, more appropriately colored sari, and her reluctance to do so is her telling you she cares more about how she looks on your day than your actual wedding and traditions.”
“That is very disrespectful.” – formerlythere
“if it was a floor-length white evening gown at a western-style wedding, this would be the same, but she (the maybe-not-anymore-guest) doesn’t seem to understand.”
“I think instead of strictly uninviting her, tell her for the 100th time that what she bought is a bridal gown and what you will wear, so it’s inappropriate for her to wear as well.”
“Then warn her if she comes in it, she won’t be let in, and follow through with it. Makes it more obvious to everyone that it’s her own fault, not yours, and not any kind of ‘bridezilla’ behavior, at least in my opinion. NTA of course.” – bubblegumieb***h
Not only did the subReddit think that the OP would not be in the wrong for disinviting her friend from her wedding, but they also questioned in the friend was really a friend at all, or simply an entitled attendee.
She likely did find a really beautiful sari, and perhaps one that she genuinely loved, but she knew which colors were off-limits for this particular wedding and should have planned accordingly.
The fact that she was valuing her desires for what she wore at the wedding above the bride’s simple request spoke volumes about her character.