Redditor NormalSection2924 is getting married soon and taking part in all of the traditional pre-wedding festivities, namely the bachelorette party.
Her sister is her maid-of-honor as per family tradition and is taking her duties seriously by planning the Original Poster’s (OP’s) bachelorette party in full.
The problem?
Nothing in the party was really for the OP.
This caused the OP to seek out subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for insight.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my [Female age 24] MOH [Female age 23] I hated my bachelorette party and having another one without her?”
She went on to explain.
“I’m (F24) getting married next week, and my sister (F23) is my MOH.”
“This weekend, we had my bachelorette party and we originally agreed that all ‘bridesmaids’ (my best friend [Female age 25] and three close friends [Males ages 24-27]) would organize it.”
“But I later found out that my sister excluded everyone else bc ‘it should be the MOH job’ and just showed up with a fully booked plan before the others could even start discussing ideas.”
“The whole party was supposed to be a surprise, but I expected that we’d be doing something that they know I’d enjoy.”
“Unfortunately, my sister pulled up to some sort of spa and planned to get nails done and some face masks and stuff like that.”
“Afterward, we had a private photoshoot with lots of dresses for me – I mean, they were gorgeous but not something I’d ever feel comfortable in.”
“We ended it with a dinner at a fancy restaurant where she preordered dishes that had meat in it. I’m mostly vegan, and she knows that.”
“All of those were cool ideas, and I’m sure many brides would enjoy a bachelorette like that. Hell, I’d plan one exactly like that for my sister or best friend, but it’s just not me.”
“I told her that I hated it, but I appreciate that she clearly put a lot of effort and money into the day.”
“The others knew I wouldn’t like it, so they planned another party yesterday, and that one couldn’t have been better.”
“(We had a medieval dinner at a castle and they booked a cinema where we played video games and drank cocktails the whole day!!)”
“But we excluded my sister, and now she’s REALLY mad. In fact, my whole family is mad for having a second one and not being grateful for the one my sister planned for me.”
“I can understand she’s hurt, and I feel horrible, so I consider repaying her the money she spent but I’m not apologizing for my interests – shouldn’t a bachelorette party be for the bride?”
“And I was just honest when she asked me if I liked it! Even though I do feel like I’m being an ungrateful a**hole bc she clearly put lots of effort into planning the day. So any thoughts?”
“Since many asked:”
“1. I did not choose her as MOH. It’s family tradition that the sister takes that role, and everyone assumed she would be and I just went with it to make them happy”
“2. The 2nd party was secretly planned by my friends after my sister told them she had a plan that was fully paid for without considering ideas or opinions from the others.”
“3. “I didn’t call her to join us because the fight over the 1st party was a few hours prior and I knew that she did not understand my interests. So I didn’t want her complaining or us fighting.”
“4. English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry for using wrong words”
“5. “mostly vegan”: I don’t eat meat/fish, but I make exceptions for things like eggs/cow milk in desserts, sauces etc..”
“If I’m eating somewhere that doesn’t have vegan options or it would be too inconvenient for the host to provide them. Yes, my sister knows that.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘I’d plan one exactly like that for my sister’”
“So your sister planned exactly the bachelorette that… your sister would want. Not what you would want. NTA.”
“Also, IMO, you need to fire her as MOH (and probably as a bridesmaid).”
“Because I’d bet a pretty penny that after feeling snubbed by the bachelorette situation, she will cause drama if she’s allowed to make a speech.”
“(You also will need to tell the DJ to cut the mic off if she ever gets her hands on it).”
“ETA: You also shouldn’t feel guilty about the effort she spent planning. She spent that effort so she could have a day SHE would enjoy.”
“All her reward is in the stuff she got to do that day, and she is entitled to nothing else.” – blanketstatement5
“NTA”
“Your sister seriously does not know what you are into and what you eat?”
“Sounds like she planned it for herself, not for you. She planned it without asking you what you want.”
“Glad the one your friends organized was better. Sadly i think your sister is going to be sore about this for quite a while.” – Ok-Classic8323
“ESH.”
“Sis sucks for planning her ideal day rather than yours, especially the disrespectful lack of vegan food at dinner.”
“Your friends suck for organizing a second bachelorette party and excluding her.”
“It could so easily have been just a friends’ party, unrelated to the wedding, or branded as further festivities, including the MOH.”
“But no, they had to call it a bachelorette party and exclude one of the group.”
“And you suck, for not gracefully accepting the day planned by your sister, and going along with the ‘alternative bachelorette excluding MOH’ scheme.” – Catherine1971
“ESH.”
“You set your sister up for failure a little bit. I’ve been a co-MOH before, and it’s hard enough planning anything with two people, never mind giving every single person in the party equal input.”
“Nothing would get done. That’s in part why you appoint an MOH in the first place, because someone needs to take the lead on making decisions like that.”
“That’s why you appoint someone who really knows you and understands you.”
“Everything about it being a surprise was also a bad approach. Elements of the bachelorette party can definitely be a surprise, but IMO the bride should provide guidance.”
“I also think it’s kinda crappy that they didn’t invite your sister to bachelorette party #2. Are they punishing her?”
“Your sister should’ve taken into account your interests more and definitely your dietary restrictions. But I also feel like you put her in a sh*tty position, and then punishing her by not inviting her is odd.”
“ETA: People have brought up that OP didn’t appoint her sister as MOH, but that only underscores my second point.”
“If you have someone serving as MOH that you didn’t choose and doesn’t know and/or support your interests, absolutely the bachelorette should not be a complete surprise.” – First-Entertainer850
“ESH”
“Your sister should have tailored this to what she knows about your interests. If she just ignored that completely, she doesn’t look good.”
“But you told her you hated it? Why did you have to do that? You really just had to have another one to make up for… what?”
“An expensive celebration on your honor that you didn’t enjoy as much as you would have enjoyed something else? What planet are you on?” – elizajaneredux
“NTA. Like the other people in the comments have said, she planned a day for HERSELF, not for you.”
“Not only that but she also in doing so showed a very clear disregard for your wishes, dietary preferences, and just overall personality.”
“You told her you didn’t enjoy it. You had a party that you wanted to have. Has your family told you why they’re siding with your sister on this one?”
“Maybe she has told them a version of events that doesn’t really add up with what actually happened.” – Artea13
“Sorry, but this is just more spoiled bride behavior.”
“Your sister planned what sounds like a lovely bachelorette party, and you are sounding like a spoiled brat because it wasn’t everything you’d ever hoped for.”
“You wanted her to include the rest of the bridal party in the planning process.”
“You know how annoying and difficult it is to coordinate with multiple other people who all have different ideas of what to do?”
“It also, by the sound of your post, doesn’t sound like your sister asked them to contribute any money and simply planned and paid for it all.”
“I think people confuse honesty with hurting people. You’re using your “honesty” as a justification for being a jerk and telling your sister you hated what she’d done.”
“Additionally, you then enjoyed a second party where your sister was intentionally excluded. Major AH behavior here. You owe your sister a big apology.”
“100 percent YTA” – JudgeJudyScheindlin
The OP went on to update her thread with a resolution.
“ISSUE RESOLVED!”
“Thank you everyone, for your input – we talked, and turns out my sister is jealous bc she’s the only one of us siblings not married, and her boyfriend is nowhere near proposing.”
“After witnessing four weddings in the last years, she wanted to feel like a bride too.”
“I should have been able to guess so much since she’s been wearing a ring and nothing but white dresses and requested a white bridesmaid dress (not a big deal, mine is not white).”
“Some of you suggested firing her as MOH. We both agreed that would be the best decision.”
Glad it got resolved.