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Bride Outraged After Fiancé Returns Her Wedding Dress In Exchange For One His Mom Picked Out


When planning a wedding, everyone has opinions.

But there are certain aspects that the bride and groom get to choose.

At least that’s the tradition.

And then the bride gets to make certain, intimate choices.

Like the dress.

Has that thought process changed?

Case in point…

Redditor Throwaway9757657 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for my reaction when I learned that my fiancée returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom picked for me?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancée M[ale] 33, and I F[emale] 28 are getting married in December.”

“His mom is the intrusive type but she’s nice overall and we… somewhat get along.”

“I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare.”

“His mom wasn’t willing to agree on most things.”

“And my fiancée said that since he’s her only son then I should respect and appreciate this ‘vision’ she has for the wedding and how it should be.”

“She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping.”

“I took her with me and my mom and friends.”

“I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for.”

“But she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that ‘she always pictured her son’s bride in it.'”

“Mom and friends thought this line was creepy.”

“I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type.”

“I apologized and thanked her for her ‘vision’ but told her that I’d already decided on a dress that I had ‘envisioned’ myself wearing at my wedding!”

“She got all pissy because of it apparently, then must’ve told my fiancée.”

“Because, he came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and ‘turned down’ her help in choosing the wedding dress and excluded her from the process.”

“I asked ‘what process?'”

“Duh it’s just a wedding dress… my wedding dress so I really didn’t get how she should get a say at all!”

“He got upset and said that this attitude of mine isn’t working on him or his mom.”

“He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that ‘both dresses weren’t that much different anyway’ like she said.”

“But I told him yes they were different… like so much different.”

“Anyways, we argued about it then we dropped it.”

“Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted.”

“I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it.”

“I lost it and started screaming at him.”

“He asked me to calm down and really give this dress ‘a chance.'”

“I refused to even listen.”

“I screamed at him without giving him a chance to speak.”

“He got home and we had an argument.”

“I then went to stay with one of my friends and he kept calling and calling then texting saying that I overreacted and it’s his wedding too so it wasn’t cool how I screamed at him.”

“He insisted I give this dress a chance.”

“He went on and on about how his mom has a ‘vision’ and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter in-law.”

“Mom is livid and has been wanting to go scream at him and his mom but my dad said that this isn’t worth ruining my relationship with my in-laws.”

“He suggested I wisen up and ‘go with the flow.'”

“But is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?”

“AITA for my reaction?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“To your mother-in-law you are not a person.”

“You are an accessory that attaches to her son’s arm.”

“If your fiancée isn’t willing to stand up for you and himself, you will have to get used to having her run your lives from here on out.”

“You’re NTA, but you kind of will be to yourself if you go through with a wedding without your fiancée on your side.” ~ BigRedUglyMan

“Hand him the ring back…”

“Say ‘I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for.'”

“Walk away. NTA.” ~ CaptainPatent

OP responded…

“I swear I’m gonna…”

“Seriously! what. is. up?”

“With this ‘vision” bull she keeps throwing at me just to get her way?”

“It’s her only son she says, so what?”

“Do you own him ma’am?”

“I don’t even know wtf that supposed to mean.”

Reddit continued…

“This dynamic isn’t something that’s going to go away with the wedding.”

“Even if you smooth over the current issue (or simply come to accept her choice) it will not be the end of this.”

“Does M[other] I[n] L]aw] want grandkids?”

“Because that’s going to be pretty important as soon as you’re married.”

What are their names going to be?”

“How do you feel about having MIL in the hospital room while you give birth?”

“How are you going to raise them?”

“These are going to be her only grandkids, so be prepared to be eternally compromising in favor of what she wants.”

“Your husband has already revealed where he places the relative importance of your opinion compared to his mothers.”

“Even if you get him to grudgingly compromise on this issue, that order of relative importance won’t change without some serious effort and explicit choice on his part.”

“You need to get out of this relationship OP, before you anchor yourself to this MIL for all time.”

“I’m normally pretty cautious to jump on this bandwagon.”

“But your fiancée immediately starting from the position that his mom should have more input on the f**king wedding dress than the bride is so far into crazytown that I honestly don’t see much hope for salvage.” ~ DogmaticNuance

“I’d be calling the dress place immediately and picking a fight.”

‘They could’ve stopped this.”

“They should’ve stopped this.”

“He didn’t pay for it! “

“The place I got my wedding dress from wouldn’t even let him hold it cause he “might see it” and that’s a faux pax to modern tradition.”

“I’m shocked.” ~ ashwhenn

“This woman is not above forcing her son to swap dresses on you.”

“She will not be above making him mess with or messing with your birth control herself.”

“She will not be above stealing the birth certificate to name your kid the way she wants.”

“She will not be above getting your kid baptized against your wishes.”

“Get their ears pierced, or stealing any and all firsts from you, or manipulating the kids.”

“This is a sign of future issues.”

“Not to say for sure that these things will definitely, 100%, happen but you can see the lines here – right?”

“How far her vision might go and how pliable your fiancée seems to be.”

“Rock that boat OP or just… jump in water and swim away.” ~ omgitsmoki

“THIS. If I had a dollar for every time a mom-to-be posted about her husband putting his mommy’s wishes above his own wife while she gives birth (since it’s the wife who is the fu*kin patient), I’d be rich.”

“It’s appalling.”

“OP- unfortunately, this doesn’t get better, it just gets worse and more violating over time.” ~ DysfunctionalKitten

“I know people say this all the time on this sub, but for real.”

“Usually people saying divorce are overreacting, but this is absolutely not one of those cases, in fact, this is one of the most obvious divorce (don’t marry) posts we’ll see on here all month.”

“Your fiance has shown you very clearly that he will never respect you or choose you over his mother.”

“When we are talking about something that is very serious but you could also be talked into it not being that serious (it’s just a wedding dress, its just your daughters name, etc), you can easily get gaslight.”

“This will not stop. This will never stop.”

“Say goodbye to choosing where your children go to school.”

“Say goodbye to choosing where your next vacation is.”

“Hell, sat goodbye to switching careers or taking (or turning down) a promotion.”

“His mother’s vision for her son’s life does not stop at a wedding.”

“In fact, a wedding may just be the most insignificant part of that vision.”

“If it was possible that the wedding dress really was the only thing, that might not actually matter.”

“It’s not. It’s 100% not the only thing.”

“This woman will pierce your daughters ears without you.”

“She will give your son his first beer.”

“She will kidnap your children for a summer if you don’t let her have them.”

“As someone else said, you are not a person to her.”

Hell, I don’t even think you’re an accessory: you’re an obstacle. RUN.”  ~Flyhro

OP returned with answers…

“I’m editing in some answers to frequent questions I get.”

“A. The dress she picked wasn’t all too crazy but just wasn’t my type.”

“B. This issue started during wedding planning and there were other things… like way too many things we didn’t agree on.”

“But this ‘vision’ has been there for… quite a while.”

“C. I AM paying for the dress obviously.”

“D. My fiancée’s dad is deceased.”

“also, his mom suffered from multiple health conditions.”

“Has no daughters but one only son.”

“E. He’s still persisting…”

OP… there is much to unpack here.

Reddit is on your side.

Your wedding, your dress.

It maybe time for some deep reflection on this relationship.

Good luck.