Whether or not we were relentlessly bullied as kids or not, we’ve likely all gone through that experience of being left out of an event or being fake-invited to one.
We can all agree that neither of those experiences feels good, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, but these would almost be weird experiences to have as an adult.
Redditor Recent_Exit1536 was just as surprised as their girlfriend when their sister invited her to be one of her bridesmaids and invited her to all of the wedding party festivities.
But when the sister didn’t provide their girlfriend with any of the information she needed to be able to attend these events, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if their sister really wanted their girlfriend to be there after all.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?”
The OP was surprised when their sister invited their girlfriend to be a bridesmaid.
“My girlfriend, Naomi, and I have been together for over a decade.”
“My younger sister, Sarah, and my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were. When Sarah was in high school Naomi helped her out with some personal things.”
“Sarah got married a few days ago. When Sarah announced her engagement to the family, she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little, but Naomi was very excited because she’s never gotten to do it before and probably won’t have the chance.”
“I want to be clear there was no suggestion from either of us that Sarah should ask her, it was about two seconds after she told us she was engaged.”
“She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched.”
But the confusion about Naomi’s role began a few weeks later.
“A few weeks later, Sarah posted her ‘bridesmaid proposals brunch.'”
“Naomi wasn’t there. Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly but clearly, she’d changed her mind.”
“Naomi was hurt but said she understood, because she hadn’t expected the ask anyway.”
But then the OP’s sister wanted Naomi to attend the bachelorette party.
“That would have been fine, but then a few months later, Sarah asks Naomi to go to the bachelorette party and also to come to get ready the day of the wedding with her friends and bridesmaids.”
“Then the same thing happened. Naomi said yes and even helped her find a good place to go and helped her get a rental.”
“A month and a half before the wedding, I was talking to my mom on the phone and she mentioned that Sarah was at her bachelorette party… Sarah had made no mention of it to Naomi.”
“Then I was kind of p**sed, because Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted. Not to mention the ways Naomi had helped my sister out.”
The plans for the morning of the wedding were the final straw.
“A week before the wedding, Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready, and for details about hair and makeup.”
“Sarah responded, acting confused, and basically told her nicely to just come with me, straight to the wedding, rather than showing up beforehand.”
“Then I was really p**sed.”
The OP had had enough of this wedding.
“Sarah wanted this really expensive baking mixer thing for a long time, and I got it for her for her wedding gift. My mom had ruined the surprise already, so she expected to receive it.”
“But after everything with Naomi, I felt like being petty, and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer.”
“A few days after the wedding, Sarah texted me, saying, ‘I don’t know how to ask this, but what happened to the mixer?'”
“I responded, ‘I didn’t know how to ask this before, but what happened to treating my girlfriend like a freaking human being?'”
“Now my brother and my new brother-in-law and my mom are all texting me, saying things like ‘What the f**k,’ and they’re accusing me, saying that I’m ruining her happy time.”
“Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn’t have done that but she feels a little vindicated.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were just as confused as the OP and thought the situation gave off mean girl energy.
“Your mom ruined her honeymoon phase because she couldn’t keep your gift a secret.”
“Your sister ruined her honeymoon phase because she was greedy and decided your gift wasn’t good enough and NEEDED to know why she didn’t get a better gift. If she didn’t want to know the real answer, she shouldn’t have asked the question.”
“Your sister treated your girlfriend like crap not once, not twice, but THREE times. There is no absolutely no excuse for that unless it is something on the level of a brain tumor or accidentally taking drugs for months.”
“Your mom and brothers thinking your sister should be protected from the consequences of her actions just because she got married is ridiculous. When is the ‘honeymoon phase’ over so that she can be held accountable for being a mean girl again?”
“I bet the answer is never because their responses read very ‘don’t rock the boat’ to me. They are going to want you and your girlfriend to suck it up because ‘family,’ and it ‘isn’t a big deal,’ and ‘you should be the bigger person.'”
“Don’t let them get away with it. NTA.” – Corpuscular_Ocelot
“I’m actually… really confused as to what was going on with the sister and would love to know why she was being such a weirdo about it. Was she just saying that to be mean, to save face with her brother, or did she get pressured not to have OP’s girlfriend in the wedding party because of the bridesmaid’s drama?”
“It’s just… such a weird situation. Like, who does that? I get her forgetting the initial invite but after that? It’s like cartoon levels of mean girl behavior.”
“And OP’s Mom is being weird as well, but I guess that’s expected, since s**tty behavior is usually tracked back to parents that didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ or address what was wrong to avoid the energy.”
“OP was completely in the right and NTA.” – JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“NTA, your sister is a ’90s teen movie mean girl level of evil. Actions have consequences. You still gave her a check, which is beyond generous of you.” – NiceButton7
“NTA. Your sister is a literal mean girl and you’re a good boyfriend.” – Old_Wishbone5287
“I don’t think they’re claiming her honeymoon period was ruined because she didn’t get the mixer. I think they’re claiming it was ruined because the OP won’t let her off the hook for being a mean girl during the wedding planning phase.”
“And like, I get it on some level. Nobody likes to be told they were mean to somebody. We all want to believe we’re the hero of our own story and the wedding industrial complex is full of ‘you’re the bride, it’s your special day, and nobody should make you feel bad about having it the way you want!'”
“But OP’s sister really messed up and it’s going to have long-term ramifications for her relationship with her brother and his partner, and if I’m being honest, it’s actually a good thing for her to feel bad about that. NTA, OP.” – readthethings13579
Others simply reassured the OP that he had been right to return or repurpose the gift.
“NTA. I wouldn’t have even given her a check. I would have bought her a whisk or a spatula, and told her, ‘Oh, Mom must have been confused, just like you were when Naomi asked you about getting ready.’ But I am petty like that.” – duckingridiculous
“NTA. Your sister treated your girlfriend like garbage and didn’t deserve the expensive gift. I personally LOVE your level of petty.” – Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA. It is your gift and your choice. I am very confused about your sister’s motivation for all this, though. Does she have a vendetta against your girlfriend and is using the occasion to try to hurt her? Is she very absent-minded and keeps forgetting who she’s inviting? Is it possible that your girlfriend offended your sister in some way after the invites?”
“I think having an actual talk with her might be a better way to resolve this issue. But still, NTA.” – Kindly_Egg_7480
“About the mom… She told her ADULT daughter what another adult was getting her, for one thing, and blamed OP for another. Just deeply weird behavior in this family.”
“OP is NTA, not even a little bit, and it was probably really crucial that Naomi saw OP stand up for her, because if I was dating someone and saw this behavior from two family members, I’d be moving very cautiously and wondering about the future of the relationship.” – simulet
“NTA. Your sister is playing games with your girlfriend and/or you and not very nice ones at that. Ghosting her and gaslighting both of you is incredibly disrespectful. Not to mention very manipulative and downright mean.”
“Poor Naomi, I’m not surprised she’s upset; who wouldn’t be?”
“As for the rest of your family, ignore them. Along with your sister and brother-in-law, your family are all AHs for trying to make you back down. Stick to your guns and your girlfriend m’dear, she seems lovely.” – IndividualSound5365
With everyone still weirded out and confused, the OP shared an even weirder update.
“So I talked to Sarah, and things just got more confusing.”
“She said when she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, she meant an ‘honorary’ bridesmaid.”
“She then said for the Bachelorette party, Naomi had told her she works most weekends, so she didn’t think that Naomi was able to attend and was just helping her to plan. Naomi said that she told Sarah to give her dates so she could take off.”
“Naomi is a very non-confrontational person and had asked me to not bring up the bridesmaid or Bachelorette things because she didn’t want to feel like she was ‘pushing in’ at the time, which is why I didn’t.”
“Regarding the makeup and hair thing, my sister said that Naomi had told her she would do her own hair, so she didn’t see a reason for her to come get ready with them.”
“My sister is still p**sed at me and says I ruined her honeymoon period (she’s not on a trip) and some other really crappy stuff, so I just hung up on her.”
“She also said that not giving the mixer was rude to her and her husband, which is hilarious because my BIL probably can’t figure out how to turn on the oven without neon flashing signs.”
“Thanks for all the comments. I’ve never seen that many on any Reddit post I’ve ever made in my life.”
This was one of those situations that the subReddit could not make heads or tails of, considering how weird the bride’s behavior was.
But no matter her reasoning, what she had done to the OP’s girlfriend was cruel and inconsiderate, and while she didn’t get the mixer she wanted, the OP still took the higher ground by providing her with a check she could use to purchase the mixer herself, perhaps even in a color she wanted, too.