It is a rough situation when we don’t mesh with our loved one’s choice of a partner.
Like… what do we say?
What to we do?
And even when they’re asking for advice… do they really want the truth?
Case in point…
Redditor Grand-Notice410 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for my best friend’s wedding being called off?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) have been best friends with Leila (24 F) since we were in elementary.”
“She has been dating this cocky frat boy Steven (26), for the last five years and he’s awful.”
“He’s proposed to her, but he hasn’t had a hand in planning since day one but has shot down every decision she’s made.”
“Her future M[other] I[n] L[aw] is a BIG AH as well and also controlling.”
“Leila’s family is well off and they’re paying for everything.”
“Her grandparents were even going to purchase them a house once they get married.”
“Steven is materialistic and everything is about money.”
“He often brags about how much money he has. (Has none)”
“That he’s marrying into money and that they won’t have to work if they don’t want to.”
“Not true but he’s aware of a large money gift her parents are going to give HER.”
“Well, they have given it to her, but she hasn’t told him.”
“Him running his mouth about their finances alone has caused some tension in her family once word got back to them.”
“Her father even threatened to pull the plug on the wedding.”
“His parents are paying for the honeymoon.”
“She wants to go somewhere exotic and beautiful. He proposed Vegas.”
“She found out that he was going to meet some friends there and they were going to hit the casinos.”
“They had a big argument about it.”
“Her future MIL agreed with her son and pointed out that they were the ones paying, so it gave her son an advantage.”
“That the honeymoon is not all about her, but something that he wants to do too.”
“Leila comes over upset and asked for an input from me and another friend.”
“She knows I don’t like Steven.”
“I’ve never hidden the fact of how I felt about him and the way that he treats her.”
“While one friend suggested that the families sit down and talk, I’m the a**holish friend that suggested she tell him that her family has gone broke.”
“And that they are going to have to pay for their wedding and house, to see his true intentions.”
“On a, civil note I also suggested that she postpone the wedding until they were on the right page or walk away from the relationship. She disagreed.”
“Leila does the a**holish thing I suggested, and he calls off the wedding.”
“I’m now being blamed for ruining her marriage.”
“That I should have never told her such a thing, because she was under a lot of stress and wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Her father is on my side, while her mother claims I’m in the wrong and that I need to fix it.”
“I was even called jealous by some of our friends.”
“Leila’s too upset to even talk to me.”
“I didn’t make her do it.”
“But am I the AITA for suggesting she do it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. In time she will see she dodged a bullet.”
“She may never forgive you though. People are funny.” ~ amish__
“You are NTA, and you are a great friend.”
“However, if she doesn’t realize it now, she may not ever realize it.”
“Glad her dad at least realizes it.”
“If she acts the fool to you now, she may never apologize even if she realizes what you did for her one day.”
“Pride is a funny thing.”
“Please don’t ever stop being you.” ~ Traditional_Pilot_26
“Sometimes people get amazing friends they do not appreciate and don’t deserve.
“OP is one of those amazing friends.”
“Hopefully OP’s friend grows past her current hurt and gains new knowledge.”
“And returns to the friendship a more deserving friend.” ~ shawslate
“Her friend is directing her hurt at op because that’s easier than directing it at the person who deserves it.”
“It’s a sh**ty thing to do but it’s all too common, hence the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger.'”
“OP is NTA and a really good friend.”
“If her friend can’t see that, it’s her loss.” ~ PaddyCow
“NTA in any way, shape or form.”
“Leila specifically asked for your advice and probably knew what it would be, given that she already knew you detested Steven.”
“It’s likely that this is the way she was already inclining.”
“You did your duty as a friend.”
“Unfortunately if the projects that back onto you and blames you for her decision, she isn’t that much of a friend.”
“And what is it that these ‘friends’ who all you jealous think you were jealous of?”
“Leila’s family money? Her impending marriage to a prize d**k?”
“Get some better friends, seriously.” ~ HerefsAndrew
“She’ll blame OP that bullet was dodged, cut OP out and then OP hears in a facebook DM that they want to talk.”
“That they’re fake sorry and want OP to pity them because they didn’t listen and got conned.”
“Suddenly they want OP’s advice because all of her so called friends are friends who did not stay in her corner.”
“For anyone wondering.”
“Just sitting quiet and not telling a friend what a huge mistake something is?”
“Not being in their corner.”
“That’s being complacent.” ~ SegaNeptune28
“Remember she asked for YOUR advice.”
“YOU GAVE HER OPTIONS and your friend is the one who decided to the a**hole thing.”
“YOUR FRIEND MADE THE DECISION!!!”
“She did what she did so everything that happened is all on her!”
“You did the right thing.”
“You were a good friend and once she calms down she see should see that.”
“And if she doesn’t I’m sorry.”
“And she doesn’t deserve a good friend like you because it sounds like she made a bunch of bad decisions.”
“And would rather blame you than take any responsibility herself or do some soul searching.” ~ ensuene
“This is so true.”
“I told a friend that her boyfriend who groomed her (she was 15 he was 25 when they started dating) cheated on her (had evidence).”
“He made up a lie but still left her.”
“She convinced herself he didn’t cheat but that they weren’t compatible and that was the reason they broke up.”
“He’s a good ex, I’m a bad ex friend.”
“I believe it’s a way to relieve their own conscience, because if I’m right she’s afraid she’ll look stupid and like he played her because everyone was saying how bad that relationship was.”
“But if I’m bad she’s in the clear.”
“Same with OP if she’s a bad guy then the friend will clear her conscience.”
“And she won’t have to think about that relationship and if she was being stupid all along for falling for it.”
“Sorry you’re a collateral damage OP but you’re a good friend.” ~ peachespeachesx
“You’re definitely NTA.”
“I hope she comes around.”
“I agree with others who say that she’s in a place right now where she feels ashamed of being taken in by Steven’s greed.”
“She wants to hurt Steven, but she can’t, because Steven doesn’t care about her.”
“She’s blaming you because you ‘can’ be hurt by her.”
“Also… any of the people who are blaming you for this don’t read enough books.”
“The whole ‘darling, I’ve lost my fortune’ test is a time-honored literary trope.”
“This might be part of what’s fueling her lashing-out right now.”
“She was hoping and expecting it to play out like a fairy tale.”
“Steven was supposed to say, ‘Darling, better to love thee in a poor shepherd’s hut than live in a golden palace without thee!'”
“And they were supposed to return triumphant, hand in hand.”
“In other words, the novels and fairy tales and rom coms have all lied to her, and she’d mad.” ~ DeVitreousHumor
“I don’t think she has dodged a bullet yet.”
“If she is upset with OP something tells me she will go back to fiancé and tell him it was a lie, he will make up some shit story and they will get back together.”
Then she will alienate OP completely as a friend as deep down she know OP is right about fiancé.”
“OP definitely did the right thing but friend is too blind to see who really cares for her and who doesn’t.” ~ MediumAntique256
“NTA. Sounds like you helped her dodge a bullet from a controlling and financially abusive married life.”
“That would have been a nightmare of a marriage.” ~ TheKarolinaReaper
OP, Reddit is with you on this situation.
We can only do so much for people who don’t want to see the truth.
You were asked a question.
You gave an answer.
Try not to beat yourself up.