A wedding is a HUGE event in people’s lives.
And it takes precision planning.
So it can be very aggravating when guests bail with no explanation.
A head count is essential.
And when people don’t show up, that can cause issues.
Case in point…
Redditor Designer-Anybody8043 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not meeting up with my mom after she missed my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom remarried when I was a kid and had another kid, Jack, who is currently 15. I’m 23.”
“Anyways, I got married a month ago and it was nice but my mom’s family did not attend.”
“I was devastated but my dad’s side and everyone else made up for it.”
“When my mom finally contacted me (the night after) she told me that Jack had gotten into an accident a couple nights before (he was with an older friend of his who crashed the car).”
“He’s physically fine but was pretty spooked and refused to get into the car, but they couldn’t leave him alone because they were worried.”
“My Mom said she was going to come by herself or with my step siblings, but then there was an issue with the car, which was caused by Jack freaking out when they were first getting ready to leave.”
“She then said she was going to call an Uber to get to the wedding, but Jack had passed out from the stress, so she couldn’t leave because she was terrified something happened to him.”
“I understand, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I believe my mom 100%.”
“She sounded pretty apologetic, but I’m still upset that no one let me know.”
“Apart from my mom, Jack, and my step dad, who might’ve been way too preoccupied, my step-siblings are all over 16 years old with phones of their own.”
“Couldn’t they have told me?”
“My mom asked me if we could meet, but I honestly didn’t want to see her in that moment.”
“Though her absence was valid, she’s never at any of my big events because of Jack.”
“It might be pure coincidence, but I just didn’t want to see her.”
“I was and am still upset.”
“My mom was annoyed by this and told me the world doesn’t revolve around me, and I have no right to be upset over her not being there now that I know why.”
“I told her that I don’t care and that I don’t want to see her.”
“In fact I’m very angry at her.”
“She told me that I’m being selfish and that she won’t be contacting me anymore until I apologize because she cannot handle my childish tantrums on top of everything else.”
“I don’t know.”
“I think I should’ve just said okay and met up with her, but I’m hurt.”
“She still hasn’t spoken to me, though, and she usually doesn’t go through with her threats.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Sounds like the world revolves around Jack, doesn’t it?”
“At this point, frankly, why would you want to meet up with your mother?”
“You know what she’s going to say? She’ll just be defensive and tell you you have no right to your feelings.”
“And what would you say to her?”
“Would it improve your relationship?”
“She can’t make up for missing your wedding. That ship has sailed.”
“Do you think she’ll be there for you if you get pregnant or when you give birth or when she’s supposed to babysit?”
“Doesn’t sound like it.”
“Jack would REALLY be jealous of a baby, too.”
“If I were you, I wouldn’t contact her, at least for now.”
“Unless there’s something specific you want to say.”
“But she’s not going to change.”
“I’m sorry. NTA.” ~ FitOrFat-1999
“Yeah, OP is going to have to make peace that her mom is who she is, her priorities are what they are and to not expect anything to shift.”
“It sucks to come to terms with the idea that your parent isn’t going to be all you want/need them to be, but finding that acceptance can help prevent/mitigate all the future disappointments in store.” ~ My_Poor_Nerves
“Yeah… hate to say it but OP doesn’t seem high on mom’s priority list.”
“OP has every right to be hurt.”
“It’s bonkers to tell your kid ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’ after missing their WEDDING.”
“It’s not like a birthday where those come every year and still hurts.”
“I think if OP has just been turning a blind eye all this time, now is the time to stand your ground.”
“Don’t be the one to apologize, which is nuts that I even have to say.” ~ Practical_Chart798
“I’m nearly twice OP’s age, and I would find it incredibly hard not to be petty here.”
“Like, not turning up to my mother’s big events and not calling and then telling her later that there was an emergency (that’s not actually an emergency), and that’s why I couldn’t come or call.”
“It’s probably something I should work on.”
“But I just think somebody who would miss her daughter’s wedding without calling for an emergency where the person was fine, they were just freaked out, would make me really petty.” ~ haleorshine
“NTA. From what I can tell, you’ve got a series of upsets here, and most of it stems from the fact that your younger brother got in an accident, and nobody told you.”
“They then miss your wedding because your brother has what appears to be PTSD from the accident.”
“In most families, when we have a close family member in the hospital or otherwise in something major like a car accident, folks get told.”
‘Someone- your mom, your stepdad, your siblings (step or even Jack)- should have reached out and said that Jack was in an accident and they might not make it to the wedding because of that.”
“Heck, from what you’ve said, this is the latest in a line of major events that your mom’s missed because of Jack.”
“Once or twice, I can understand, but she should have started switching between the two of you long before now.” ~ Efficient_Wheel_6333
OP responded…
“Yeah, I’m not particularly close to Jack, my step-siblings, or my step dad but we don’t have a sour relationship.”
“My mom and I don’t really have a bad relationship at all.”
“The fact no one told me anything makes me sad because I do care for Jack in the sense that I want him to be safe.”
“My husband thinks that my mom was embarrassed because Jack was with an older friend and she’s big on reputation.”
“Either way, I’m her firstborn and Jack’s older (half) sister. It’s sad.”
“Yeah, she missed my high school graduation, two birthdays, and a few mom-daughter dates because Jack was either sick, in a mood, ‘missing,’ etc.”
“I never said much because he was still a kid then.”
“But this was kind of like… the straw that broke the camel’s back?”
Reddit continued…
“Jack has trained his mother well.”
“Jack does not love OP.”
‘To Jack, OP is the enemy.”
“If every major event is upstaged by Jack, he’s done it on purpose every single time, even the accident.”
“OP should either overly ooze with affection at Jack’s events and pair it with the story of how Jack and mom missed her exact event.”
“That’s the level of petty I’d rise to or be absent with no notice or card or call.”
“I’m inclined to do the 1st.. and to make sure there were enough people gathered to hear me tell the tale of Jack’s misfortune and so thankful that didn’t occur to OP, pulling mom away from his important event.”
“And I hope it doesn’t with any future life events he’s sure to have and wink at Jack. 😉🥂.” ~ northwyndsgurl
“I have siblings I talk to a few times a year.”
“But I show up for them.”
“Hey I have this thing, I want you to be there.”
“My a** is there, I will be screaming their names but b*tching about the long drive.”
“I am taking all of the pictures.”
“That’s what you do.”
“I go to Little League games, the worst orchestra concerts, recitals, whatever. I’m there.”
“If something comes up, I call.”
“And these events are a priority.”
“I make sure to be there.”
“Next month I’m getting off an airplane and going right to a recital.”
“I would never miss a wedding. Wtf is wrong with mom?
“Hey OP, when and where? I will be there.” ~ pareidoily
“NTA. It sounds like there’s something fishy going on.”
“Either Jack is manipulating your mom to grab all of the attention or your mom has some strange psychological thing going on with wanting to lavish all of her attention on Jack.”
“I don’t blame you for being upset.”
“You have a right to be angry or upset about it, and your mother doesn’t get to dictate how you feel.”
“You two need to sit down and hash this out.”
“Your mom sounds really defensive, so I don’t really have high hopes, but she at least needs to hear you out.” ~ Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA – Her whole story sounds like BS, to be honest.”
“It may be time to evaluate your relationship with your mother.” ~ jrm1102
“NTA. I think it’s reasonable to feel disappointed and angry.”
“If they were going to miss the event, they should have told you so.”
“Also, I find it very hard to believe a 15-year-old would act so childish.”
“Trauma is a thing, of course, so them not wanting to travel in a car is fair.”
“But then stopping their family members from traveling in a car themselves seems hella suspect.”
“Then he passed out from stress?”
“I call bull crap.” ~ menacingnoise63
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It was your big, special day.
A phone call or a text isn’t that hard to do.
It sounds like your family needs some deep conversations.
Good luck with your mom, and congratulations on your wedding.