Getting ready for a wedding can be full of joys or headaches, depending on how many people are making demands during the wedding planning.
Sometimes people show who they really are when they’re trying to get what they want, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was at a loss when her future mother-in-law (MIL) began to make demands about the wedding party arrangements.
When she saw her mother-in-law’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to stand up for her own plans.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I be the a**hole) if I tell my MIL that it’s my wedding?”
The OP had a plan to include her future sister-in-law in her wedding.
“My husband (T) has a sister (L) who turns 11 this year. We have been planning a wedding reception and ceremony, but there’s no date set due to [the pandemic].”
“As he insisted that his sister should be in the wedding, the plan was for her to be the head flower girl, along with his nieces who are both below 7.”
“She would walk in the middle and the nieces would be on either side of her.”
“I have told L that she could take care of the younger girls on the walk down.”
But her future mother-in-law took issue with the plans.
“Suddenly, my MIL is not about that at all. She keeps saying that L has to be in the wedding, but not as a flower girl.”
“She is his sister, so she’s more important than the nieces, and that she is too old.”
“To me, what else is L going to be.”
“I can’t have her as a bridesmaid, it’ll look weird as I don’t have anyone to walk with her, and she is too young to even be involved in any of the events, or even help out.”
“My own brother, who is an adult, would not be part of the wedding and would just be a guest, so I really don’t see what the big deal is.”
“In my family, the bride’s side has her own friends and family as bridesmaids and the groom’s side gets to choose his own people as well.”
The mother-in-law did not agree with the OP.
“My MIL has said that she would throw a fit if L isn’t in the wedding, or is a flower girl.”
“I think this is all crazy because nothing is set in stone, my MIL isn’t paying for anything, and it would be my wedding.”
“I have actually told T that I might just end up not having his nieces in it since it’s such a big deal.”
“My husband finds his mom unreasonable too.”
“She got really upset with all of this (it’s weird because she’s is great at all other times, except for this hypothetical situation).”
“So WIBTA if I eventually told her that L is either a flower girl or just a guest at my future wedding?”
Some said the OP was right to stand up for her own wedding plans.
“In my opinion, there are two important people during a wedding: the two who are getting married. Everyone else should reevaluate their ‘importance’ and just go with what the bride or groom wants.”
“I mean, there are limits to this, but having L as a flower girl definitely isn’t something unacceptable. She got a role appropriate for her age and it’s the only role there is for young kids.” – linniepoes
“Unless you want her as a center of attention at all your events leading to the wedding, I’d be wary of this option. Next thing you know, MIL is throwing a tantrum because her 11-year-old isn’t invited to the bachelorette party, or isn’t getting her expensive hair and makeup the same as the older women because ‘she’s a bridesmaid, too.'” – Initial-Ad-1797
“This runs the risk that she’ll (MIL) demand L be included in everything because she’s a junior ‘bridesmaid’ and MIL will say it all has to be kid-appropriate.” – Annual-Contract-115
Others gave suggestions as to how to make everyone happy.
“One of the best pieces of advice I got when planning my wedding was, ‘Do what makes you happy, but also, sometimes, what will make you happy is making others happy. That’s ok too.'”
“You aren’t throwing a whole a** party just for you. You’re doing it for the people you love. Otherwise, it’s a lot easier to just elope.”
“If OP is fine with junior bridesmaid not doing it just to ‘win’ against her MIL probably isn’t going to make her any happier.” – candybrie
“My step-daughter was 10 when her dad and I got married and we made her a ‘flowermaid.’ She walked down the aisle and threw flowers, but also stood with my bridesmaids and got ready with us beforehand. Maybe that would work!” – grungry8
“My first thought was a junior bridesmaid who ‘looks after’ the flower girls. That way she doesn’t need someone else to walk with her. She could have a more age-appropriate version of the bridesmaid dress that’s different to the flower girls?” – LittleHouse82
Some urged the OP to figure out what her future sister-in-law wanted to do.
“I feel like the average 11-12-year-old girl would be more excited by the ‘flower girl’ title than ‘junior bridesmaid.’ Either that or she doesn’t even want to be a flower girl and it’s family insisting that she does it.” – ertrinken
“I was a junior bridesmaid at 12 because the bride felt obligated to include me by her mother. I had no interest but went along with it as did the bride.”
“She should have said no. Everything you worry about was true. I was too young to help, felt awkward, and made the day unnecessarily harder on the bride and bridal party.”
“Ask your SIL what she wants. She might just want to be a guest or is dying to be a flower girl. You’ll know when she tells you. NTA” – concretism
“NTA – but also, maybe ask the sister what she wants? Is the MIL advocating on her behalf, or is this all coming out of nowhere?” – Sensitive-Coconut339
The OP was taken aback by her future mother-in-law’s sudden insistence to change the status of her future kid sister’s role in the wedding, but the subReddit agreed the OP had every right to choose.
Not only was it her wedding, but there were other ramifications, such as the girl’s age, that made it more complicated than a simple role change in the wedding party.