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Bride Refuses To Let Grandma With Dementia In Dressing Room After She Keeps Calling Her Fat

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It’s widely acknowledged that on a person’s wedding day, the bride and groom should be happy.

That generally means as little stress as possible, whether it be event planning or social drama.

Certainly, a bride wouldn’t want to hear she looks fat, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Hotpocket_69 was struggling with what to do the morning of her wedding because of a family member who repeatedly commented on her appearance.

When she was encouraged to put her feelings aside, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she’d be wrong to still stand up for herself.

She asked the sub:

“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for not letting my grandma in the dressing room at my wedding?”

The OP repeatedly heard criticism from her grandmother.

“My grandmother is 96, with Dementia, and is always painfully honest.”

“Anytime we visit, she tells everyone they look fat.”

“Even when I lost some weight, she still told me I looked fat.”

“She says it with love, but she also forgets she says it so she says it again. And it sucks, but we all know she’s going to say it.”

The OP wasn’t sure what she would do the day of her wedding.

“My mom wants my grandma in the dressing room with us, and I said no thanks.”

“The last thing I want to hear before I walk down the aisle is ‘You look fat.'”

“That’s the worst thing you could say to a bride. I would probably cry.”

“I told my mom that she could get her makeup done in another location and be transported to the venue (2 miles away) with my uncle and cousins.”

“That way I don’t have to interact with her until I’m done with my photos.”

The OP’s mother did not agree.

“My mom is upset. She thinks this is a selfish request and makes things complicated.”

“She said to just ignore her, but even on a normal day it really bothers me.”

“I have told her to stop, but she doesn’t remember the conversation.”

“I’m just trying to keep negativity away from me, even from the people I dearly love. I just haven’t told her yet.”

“WIBTA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP had the right to be “selfish” on her wedding day.

“It’s not selfish to not want to be called fat on your wedding day, and it’s not selfish to exclude someone from a dressing room. And it doesn’t overcomplicate things.”

“The bride doesn’t want the grandma in the dressing room, and there’s really no reason for her to be there, so I don’t see that as complicated.”innerkinder

“You said, ‘My mom is upset, she thinks this is a selfish request and makes things complicated.'”

“And she is 100% right. Do it anyway.”

“A selfish decision is not automatically horrible. The context makes your selfish decision reasonable.”

“Yes, some people may be hurt or upset. But at this moment in time, at your wedding, you don’t have to be the one who has to endure hurt and disappointment for others to feel good.”

“On your wedding day, others can suck it up FOR ONE DAY so you can have a carefree, happy day.”

“Best wishes on your special day. NTA.”AnonymooseVamoose

“At my cousin’s wedding, my grandma called her fat just before her first reveal to her soon-to-be husband.”

“She was crying and you can see she was not outgoing throughout the photos.”

“Don’t do it to yourself, be happy, and see her after. NTA.”meggymegzz

Others agreed and said the mom needed to figure it out.

“Let’s be real – Grandma is not going to notice the difference. Sounds like mom doesn’t want to do it because of the inconvenience, but a little inconvenience so your daughter isn’t called fat right before her wedding is well worth the work.”

“Mom needs to suck it up and do the right thing. Having grandma there would be more about telling people she was there than actually enjoying her company.”Music_withRocks_In

“Mom needs to stifle her feelings and think about her daughter’s feelings. Mom is being TA here. A s**tty situation doesn’t change that fact.”RockinDonkey

“It doesn’t matter that Mom wants her mother (Grandma) participating in the pre-wedding hair/make-up/putting on the bridal gown. This is all about her daughter, and Mom needs to have her back on this.”

“Grandma, at 96, needs to take it easy and sit in a nice comfortable chair (somewhere else) so she can enjoy the wedding.”CrochetBeth

Some wondered if there was a way for the two women to meet in the middle.

“I think mom doesn’t want to do it because it’s going to hurt not having her own mother participating in her daughter’s pre-wedding rituals.”

“Mom’s going to feel grandma’s absence keenly, and it’ll be a forceful reminder of grandma’s deterioration – and that she’s not going to get better, only worse.”

“Mom isn’t just a mom. She’s also a daughter, and a daughter who’s likely already grieving her mother.”

“Her mom being excluded from this intimate moment during a major milestone purely because she has lost her memory and her filter is going to be uniquely painful.”

“OP is entirely justified in doing it, and I agree with her choice, but that doesn’t mean her mom’s feelings are completely invalid. Losing a parent to dementia is awful.”DiTrastevere

“This may be true and perhaps OP can empathize with her mom, while still keeping Grandma out.”

“Tbh (to be honest), I only had my mom, sister, and close friends. I didn’t think about having her in the dressing room.”

“Instead, we had a special segment where Grandmas were walked down the aisle by ushers before the bridesmaids and sat in the first aisle.”no1oneknowsy

“NTA, but OP should discuss with her mom a bit more to let her know that she understands that it is an emotional thing for her but that she needs to put herself first in this situation.”

“While she knows grandma doesn’t mean anything by it, it still hurts, and the last thing she should feel on her wedding day is insecure and hurt.”AdmiralSassypants

The subReddit could understand why both women were upset, but it was overwhelmingly understood why the bride wouldn’t want to be called fat right before walking down the aisle to her future husband.

Some thought the mother should deal with it for one day, while others tried to find solutions to make both women happy. But at the end of the day, it will be a wedding day, which means the bride’s needs really needed to come first.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.