Wedding planning is typically an extended process of decision-making, creating, and yes, stressing.
One of the key decisions a couple has to make is what style they want their wedding photos to be in, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor kellywedding3 was looking forward to seeing her photos from her wedding day, especially her pictures with her bridesmaids and their specially tailored dresses.
When one bridesmaid wore a sentimental necklace that she felt took away from the dress, the Original Poster (OP) decided to have the necklace edited out of the photos without talking to the bridesmaid first.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for photoshopping a wedding photo?”
One of the OP’s bridesmaids had a special necklace she wanted to wear at the wedding.
“I (29 Female) just got married to Tom (32 Male) three weeks ago. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“We just came back from our honeymoon in Japan a week later, and I got the wedding photos. My sister was a photographer since she has her own business and wanted to gift us all the photos and videos.”
“One of my bridesmaids (Hannah 29 Female)’s dad passed away sadly in a freak accident before the wedding.”
“She has a necklace he bought her a few years ago and she wanted to wear it on our wedding day, something she asked for on the day.”
“It didn’t go with her dress at all, way too loud and long, and I thought it detracted from her dress.”
The OP thought she had a reasonable workaround for the situation.
“However, I didn’t see this as a huge hill to die on since I’ve read about editing wedding photos online and that it’s a way for everyone to be happy.”
“So, she wore it in the photos and I asked my sister if she could do me a solid and edit two versions of the photo: one copy with the necklace in for Hannah and one without the necklace for me.”
“I ended up having that photo printed and put up in the dining room of me and all of my bridesmaids.”
The photoshopping backfired.
“Tom and I threw a BBQ to thank everyone once more for coming to the wedding.”
“It was all going well until Hannah saw the edited photo without the necklace framed on my wall.”
“I explained and told her that I thought it was a nice way to compromise since I did say it didn’t go with the outfit at the wedding.”
“She wasn’t happy and said the necklace meant a lot to her and it was rude to have it edited out.”
“I apologized but pointed out that we gave her photos where she was wearing a necklace and that I wanted a photo with my original vision on my wall and there are photos of her where she is wearing the necklace. It was just this one photo of all my bridesmaids and me in front of our venue that I had edited.”
“All of the bridesmaids’ dresses were handmade by me to match my theme and as a nice memento and part of their thanks for being in my bridal party. If I’d known she wanted to wear the necklace, I would have designed her dress differently.”
“She left pretty quickly after that and has refused to answer my calls or messages of me trying to apologize.”
“Was this an AH move? She still got to wear the necklace to the wedding and has photos of her in it also, but I wanted the outfits I made for my bridesmaids to be on show, not her Dad’s necklace.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t think the OP had done anything out of the ordinary for a wedding.
“NTA. What you did is pretty common, and your friend is a bit dramatic in my opinion.” – loverlyone
“NTA. The necklace may mean a lot to her, but it means nothing to you, the bride. Everyone at the wedding got to see it, and the photos still exist. I am sure you even offered her a copy to have.”
“You having an edited version that you want to display in your home is totally your call.”
“She’s being selfish by expecting you to display something that only has meaning for her and detracts from the aesthetic of your photos.” – AngeloPappas
“NTA.”
“Geesh. Wedding pictures are not like Harry Potter photos that capture the soul of the participants. They’re decorations at best (paperweights at worst).”
“Editing out a color mismatch is fine. Had you told me you gave her bigger boobs or slimmed her down, then she has the right to be offended.”
“Saying, ‘It didn’t match the outfit, but I wanted you to be able to wear it,’ is a more than acceptable compromise. Give her a copy with the necklace and she can hang it at her house.” – RandomizedNameSystem
“I don’t think it’s necessary to put the original copy on your wall if you don’t like it. It was your wedding, and you presented her with a very fair and kind compromise by letting her wear it at your wedding. That does not make you obligated to hang a photo of her with the necklace on.”
“I can understand she is fragile, grieving, etc., but the necklace wasn’t for your wedding, it was for her father. Something like that shouldn’t be that upsetting. I’m sure she has (or did have) a vision of what she wants her wedding/wedding photos to look like, as well, and maybe that was at play here.”
“NTA. Your wedding photos are personal to YOU, not her, especially in your home. There are other ways to support a grieving friend/loved one other than hanging something you don’t like on your wall.” – psychoticbvtterfly
“I make jewelry (mostly necklaces) and I can’t tell you how many times I have a necklace I want to wear but just can’t find a shirt/dress I like it with. I completely understand not wanting a necklace in your photos that didn’t work with the dresses you handmade. NTA.”
“I understand your friend is upset but you followed her wishes the day of the wedding and only obtained a memento of your original vision in your HOME. Your friend is being inconsiderate here.” – tybbiesniffer
But others thought the OP’s priorities were out of order.
“Soft YTA. I’m going against the grain. I understand that you wanted everything to be aesthetically perfect and that in your eyes the necklace ruined it.”
“But your friend came to your wedding to be your bridesmaid, despite still being in grief. That day she was wearing that (ugly) comfort object, because unfortunately, the reality is not perfect sometimes.”
“I think that canceling out the necklace to her feels a bit like ignoring her grief, or hiding it because it is ugly. You did a good job compromising, but probably you could have been a bit more compassionate and let it go.”
“I think people would not even have noticed the necklace in a group picture… unless the necklace was a real disgusting monster.” – m1dn1ght8lue
“Unpopular opinion, but I think YTA.”
“I don’t know when brides became so obsessed with having perfect pictures where everything is coordinated and themed, but in my opinion, photos are supposed to be a record of how the wedding actually occurred and a memory of your day.”
“Was your desire to have a perfect matching picture really more important than Hannah’s deceased father’s memento? Who cares that it didn’t go with her dress? To me, it seems unbelievably rude and incredibly self-centered to photoshop someone’s image without their permission, especially when you knew she would eventually see it.”
“Could you imagine having just lost your father and wearing something really special to him, and then when you see your close friend has photoshopped it out, she tells you that’s because it was too ugly to be displayed in her house but at least it was a ‘compromise’? Because in my opinion, that’s essentially what you said.” – roseofjuly
“I understand wanting to showcase the handmade dresses, but unless the necklace was so big you literally couldn’t see the dress underneath it, I’m not sure why this was a necessary thing to do. It was going to be hurtful even without the added grief of losing her father so recently.”
“She wore something she thought was beautiful and nice, and OP seemingly approved of it, but now that she’s seen the edited photo OP is going to have to explain to her that she actually thought the necklace from her dead father was garish and ugly.”
“I’d feel both embarrassed and offended if I were the friend… it would’ve been a lot kinder, in my opinion, to say something beforehand like, ‘I’d rather we stick to minimalist jewelry.'”
“To be honest, reading through the post, I initially thought it was a clear YTA moment but I don’t know, seeing all these NTA comments makes me think maybe I just don’t get it. Is it really worth all this awkwardness just because a necklace wasn’t to your taste?” – grigorsu
“YTA. I’m in the minority here but I don’t get it. Is it really that much of an eyesore, especially when you know the context of it? Is the dress really that much more important? Ah yes, there’s the photo with my friend who I had to edit to fit my aesthetic…”
“It’s not a compromise if the other party doesn’t know about it, you should’ve talked to her about it first. You knew she would see it eventually so why hide it? It’s likely that she’d have no problem with it if you communicated beforehand. Your last sentence says a lot about you.” – reldomme
“YTA. You changed reality to edit the memory of her father out of the photos to appease your vanity.”
“While it was good of you to give her unedited versions, you insulted her by editing them to remove the necklace, telling her in no uncertain terms you value looks over your friend’s feelings.” – SkippySkep
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Hannah is in the bathroom and we’ve just been out for coffee so I am going to add a quick update.”
“We have worked this out. Hannah has gifted me a set of photos of behind the scenes wedding photos she and the other bridesmaids took for me as a surprise. She wants the cover to be the photo of us all in front of the venue, with no necklace.”
“I apologized for not having told her I have a personal version without the necklace and explained my reasoning.”
“She thanked me for letting her wear the necklace and apologized as she realized her necklace imposed on the dress we made together and understands why I wanted that photo to be clear as a memento and reminder of being so close to everyone in the process.”
“We are going to go shopping for a small album to put them in and have lunch somewhere.”
“Thank you for the advice, everyone. We have put this behind us now.”
The subReddit was deeply torn over this subject, because they completely understood why the OP’s bridesmaid wanted to wear the necklace and noted the OP approved it for her wedding day.
Her act of photoshopping the necklace out was met with mixed results, as some thought it was her day, while others pointed out there are more important things than the most perfectly aesthetic wedding day.