These days, it’s rare to attend a truly conventional wedding.
While of course, the dream wedding of many people might still be a white gown, church ceremony, and country club reception, more and more people like to give their weddings a little twist these days.
Be it unconventional attire, unorthodox ceremonies, or having a joint wedding with another close friend, one never quite knows what to expect when attending a wedding these days.
Redditor SiennaCinnabar, however, wanted to stick with a very traditional Catholic ceremony.
The original poster (OP)’s sister-in-law (SIL), however, thought the OP’s wedding seemed a fine opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
Even going so far as to arrange this with the officiating priest.
Upon hearing of this, however, the OP swiftly nipped this plan in the bud.
Something her SIL still holds a grudge over.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing my SIL in her request to baptize her child during our wedding?”
The OP explained why her wedding remains a sore spot for her sister-in-law to this very day:
“I dated my fiance for five years before we tied the knot.”
“I have a great relationship with his parents and siblings….except one of his sisters.”
“The Golden Child of the family.”
“She’s annoying, but whatever it’s fine, I’ve been able to keep out of her way for the most part as her family lives out of state.”
“So my boyfriend and I got engaged and everything is going great planning with both sides of the family.”
“Until SIL at the last minute requests that she and her family baptize their daughter during our ceremony!”
“She’d even called our priest and he’d agreed to combine the ceremonies!”
“I said no for several reasons – none of which were good enough, and I was apparently being ‘unreasonable and selfish’.”
“-We’re Catholic and weddings are usually an hour, tacking on a baptism would either make the ceremony longer OR take time away from our ceremony.”
“-Our wedding was an evening affair and the reception was only going to be about 2 hours so even if it lasted 30 min (baptism and their photos afterwards) that would cut our reception down to an hour and a half.”
“Her wedding/reception was an all day affair FYI.”
“-The baby would be in the church, in the wedding photos, and at the reception so seriously who would focus on another wedding couple when there’s a first grandchild nearby?”
“-All the family would already be gathered (for our wedding) and it’d be a good time for them (her family) to have it.”
“And shouldn’t I be accommodating to a first time mother!”
“-They’d only invite about 4-6 additional people (to our wedding) ((strangers to us)) and it’d be easier on them because we’d already have the venue and food for their short guest list (((which we’d be paying for))).”
“-It’s the fist grandchild and important to the HER family (I guess I wasn’t a part of it yet and not included in this sentiment?)”
“My fiancé didn’t have a strong preference either way but supported how I felt on the matter.”
“I stuck to my guns and said no but we offered a compromise.”
“We said we’d DELAY our honeymoon trip and they could have the baptism the next Sunday morning during Mass.”
“I thought it was a great compromise! But SIL was not thrilled.”
“So that’s what we ended up doing but she still brought baby girl, in full white satin lace, to the wedding and was front and center in all the photos.”
“And they brought their 4-6 extra friends to our reception without asking first.”
“We never made a fuss about it.”
“My issue is this, I STILL get crap from this SIL and it’s been a couple years since the wedding.”
“Snippy remarks made when it’s only the two of us around, passive aggressive comments in front of others, Bridezilla labels tossed my way, a cold shoulder when I try to talk to her at holidays, etc.”
“Like seriously, it was years ago and she basically got what she wanted so why am I being treated like I was an AH?”
“When this first came up, I said no.”
:”My husband took over handling this completely from there.”
“He worked with his mom and sister. I didn’t have to deal with anything besides initially saying no – husband was point of contact after that.”
“Granted we didn’t know she’d still show up with her guests to the reception (or knew what her daughter was dressed in) but at that point we were having a good time at our reception and were focusing on ourselves.”
“I only figured out she’d invited her friends when I saw the photos later.”
“I don’t know if she ever offered to pay because I wasn’t in the conversation at this point.”
“It happened right before our wedding and hubs and MIL didn’t want me to stress out.”
“It was a short evening reception with a buffet.”
“We had about 200 people total.”
“Her passive aggressive comments in the following years were very subtle.”
“If she said something rude and if I or my husband called her out on it (which he did ) she’d claim we simply misunderstood her.”
“The rude comments or snubs she gave me directly in private she’d also claim I misunderstood her – or was blowing an innocent comment out of proportion.”
“My husband has stood up for me but our interactions with her are brief and only once or twice a year so I’m not dedicating a lot of time to trying to have a great relationship with her.”
“She’s a narcissist and I REFUSE to give her any drama to feed her addiction.”
“It just struck me as odd that she’s hung onto this incident for so long and I began to question if I might have inadvertently been the A hence this post.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her SIL to have her daughter christened at her wedding.
Everyone agreed that it was beyond presumptuous for the OP’s SIL to mooch off of her and include her daughter’s christening at the wedding, which the OP paid for. Many offered the OP advice on what to say to her SIL next time she makes a passive-aggressive remark.
“Next time she makes some offhanded comment say something like ‘you’re right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter’.”
“‘Furthermore, I’m sorry that even after all this time you are so petty and childish that you feel the need to bring it up’.”
“‘I am also sorry that I didn’t bill you for your grossly rude behavior of inviting guests to my wedding without my approval’.”
“‘And lastly I am sorry that you lack a basic understanding of gravity and think the world revolves around you, I hope that some day you are able to realize that you’re just not that special, but given how dense you are, I can understand why you’re confused’.”- sh1tsawantsays
“I grew up Catholic, and I have never heard of someone requesting this.”
“I mean, why not throw a confirmation in there too, and then everyone can go to penance on the way out?”
“This was a wedding, not a one stop shopping church visit.”- jrm1102
“When this child gets married, push to include your vow renewal in her ceremony.”
“Tell SIL now that is the plan.”
“Your SIL seems like a piece of work and pretty entitled.”
“How is her mooching off you a perfect solution?”
“Coz not only was she hijacking your wedding, and your day, she was also taking your money.”
“She didn’t have to spend money or effort to organize such an event for her child.”
“Very caring mother ig?”
“And you were being very nice by not responding to her bringing in her extra guests without telling you about it.”
“You could easily retaliate to her Calling you names by calling some stuff right back.”
“But that’s just immature.”
“I would just stop bothering with her existence if it had been me.”
“She can talk to the air for all I care.”- FourLeafClover1997
“So not the NTA.”
“You’ve got a long-term problem on your hand.”
“It sounds like she has to be in the spotlight no matter what.”
“She will probably try to continue this behavior in future situations.”
“I’m wondering why your hubby isn’t standing up to his sister.”
“It’s his responsibility, not yours.”
“He chose to make a family with you.”
“His commitment and priorities lie with you, not her.”
“SIL needs firm boundaries set in place.”
“It will be hard because she will do her best to blow right through them.”
“Stand firm and have consequences for her.”- Basilsainttsadface
It’s fair to acknowledge where the OP’s SIL thought she was being practical by saving much of her family a second trip to attend her daughter’s christening.
Even so, if she didn’t realize that she was essentially letting her brother and the OP also pay and plan for her daughter’s christening, essentially saving her from doing any work, that is very worrisome indeed.
Not quite as worrisome, however, as if she was aware of what she was doing.