We can all agree that the pandemic was long and hard, and it took a toll on all of us in different ways. We all coped in our own ways, from leaving our jobs to losing weight to picking up new hobbies, and more.
While we shouldn’t be shamed for how we got through it, we shouldn’t try to blame other people for it, either, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Ill-Trick4313 was surprised when one of her bridesmaids demanded she buy her a new bridesmaid’s dress because it wasn’t the bridesmaid’s fault for gaining weight.
When the bridesmaid gossiped about her to the rest of the wedding party, the Original Poster (OP) wondered what she should do in preparation for the wedding.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my bridesmaid she’d have to lose weight if she wanted to be in my wedding?”
Plans changed when the OP’s wedding was postponed.
“I (28 female) got engaged in late 2018 and planned to get married in mid-2020. Due to world events, the wedding was rescheduled to May 2022.”
“I invited 3 close friends and my soon-to-be SIL (sister-in-law) to be in my wedding party and paid for their dresses as well as any other associated costs.”
“Between 2019 when bridesmaid dresses were purchased and now, one bridesmaid ‘Jane’ had put on significant weight.”
“In Mid-2021, she started a fitness journey with the goal of getting back to her original weight.”
“In February 2022, Jane came to me and told me she couldn’t fit into her bridesmaid dress, and she’d need a bigger dress.”
But the OP couldn’t do what her bridesmaid wanted her to do.
“Since it’d been 2 years since purchasing the dress, it obviously couldn’t be returned.”
“She gave it back since, but the value had significantly decreased, especially since the dress was now discounted by the store itself.”
“FYI, The bridesmaid dresses weren’t identical. We went with dresses that went well together/had a similar ‘vibe.'”
“I spoke to Jane and told her how much I’d hopefully make from selling the dress and told her I’d give her that amount to buy a new dress, but I wasn’t able to buy another one for her.”
“She got upset and told me it wasn’t her fault she gained weight and couldn’t fit into the dress anymore and since I was the bride, I should pay for a new dress.”
“I told her that it wasn’t personal and I’d have the same response for anyone else.”
“I also told her it didn’t have to be expensive, just had to fit the vibe or be somewhat similar to the old dress.”
“I’m not a bridezilla or anything, so I didn’t care too much about what dress she chose to wear and offered to help her find a new dress within budget.”
The OP’s bridesmaid was not happy with her suggestions.
“She said I was being an awful friend and shaming her for her weight.”
“She said she couldn’t afford a new dress and said I had to pay for her dress or she couldn’t be at my wedding.”
“I told her I couldn’t pay more than I was offering for a new dress, and I understood that she couldn’t be a bridesmaid and I hoped she’d be able to make it to the wedding as a guest.”
“I tried wrapping it up but she wouldn’t leave. She teared up and called me cheap for not paying for a bridesmaid dress since I’d paid for everyone else’s.”
“She said that if I really wanted ‘my friend’ there, I’d actually make an effort and brought up how much we were spending for our wedding and how ‘an extra small purchase would be nothing.'”
The bridesmaid proceeded to tell her own version of the story.
“I won’t lie, this did upset me. I told her if she didn’t want to buy a new dress, the only other options were to not come or find a way to fit into the old dress.”
“She broke down crying and ran out, and later told others in the bridal party that I’d told her that if she didn’t lose weight, I was going to kick her out of the bridal party.”
“Thankfully, I’d already talked to them before this and they didn’t believe it, but now I’m getting pressure to buy her a new dress, so we can just move on and get over it.”
“I feel like, at this point, I’m unsure if I’m just being stubborn and TA, sticking to my decision and having a backbone, or both.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe what the bridesmaid said to and about the OP.
“NTA. You gave solutions, and it’s crap that she’s saying you’re an awful friend and shaming her.” – KnightsSkye
“She also said, ‘It isn’t her fault for gaining weight,’ but who’s fault is it then? I understand quarantine was hard on many people and I don’t try to fat-shame here but that’s just ridiculous.”
“There could be other reasons outside of her direct control. That doesn’t make her less of an ungrateful person.”
“Furthermore, the ex-bridesmaid said it was unfair for OP not to buy her ANOTHER dress when she only bought ONE for everyone else. Your ungrateful friend doesn’t really sound like someone you’d want as a bridesmaid anyways.”
“NTA.” – itsyerboyskinnyp**is
“I think the bridesmaid became TA when she refused any sort of compromise and tried to spread the lie that OP said she’d kick her out if she didn’t lose weight.”
“Thankfully, the OP had already spoken with the others about how to approach it, otherwise, that lie could have grown legs and caused a lot of drama and damage.” – PaddyCow
“The way she spun this on OP, OP should reevaluate the friendship at least in closeness. She isn’t sad or ashamed or frustrated, she wants to create drama and antagonize OP. You were reasonable in her option whereas she wasn’t.” – ChickyNuggies6789
“You’ve already bought her one and it’s been returned, you’ve said it doesn’t have to be costly, you’ve offered to help her look, and you’ve offered the money from the original dress.”
“She’s currently on her ‘compass of shame,’ so it’s likely she’s angry at herself for the weight gain and placing it on you, but it isn’t your fault.”
“If she apologizes and backs down soon, I’d still have her as a guest, but under no circumstances a bridesmaid anymore. She went to try and make you look bad to your friends. That’s a whole other thing than asking for advice or backup.”
“Enjoy your wedding! And NTA, of course.” – Important_Sprinkles9
Others said the bridesmaid should be more appreciative of everything the OP already did.
“I have turned down a couple of requests from friends that I be a bridesmaid, because apparently, the standard etiquette is that the bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for everything themselves, including their clothes. This was out of my affordability range.”
“I am impressed that you are generous enough to buy the dresses. It sounds like your friend is really taking advantage and pulling out a lot of manipulative stops. I will bet you can find somebody to take her place.” – PandoraClove
“I was always under the impression that the bridal party pays for their own stuff. It is generous that OP paid for everyone’s stuff in the first place.”
“The wedding is close and budgets get super tight toward the end of planning. If OP can’t fit it in the budget, the bridesmaid needs to buy it herself.” – aspophilia
“I honestly think the only reason it’s fully NTA is that the bride wanted to sell the bridesmaid’s dress and use that money to buy a similar dress. She even offered to help her look for it herself. That wasn’t good enough for the friend and she wanted a whole new dress to be bought that completely matched what she already had.”
“If the offer hadn’t been made to use the money from the dress for a new one, I’d go with NAH, but she did offer to sell it and get another dress for cheaper. The bridesmaid just didn’t want to do that.” – SweetKittenLittle93
“She already paid for a dress. She shouldn’t have to pay for another. She was going to try and sell the dress and give the bridesmaid the money to buy another one.” – PanD0ra30_
“OP offered her the money from the sale of the dress, which is extremely fair. I get that a lot of things can cause weight gain, but that isn’t OP’s fault, either.”
“Instead of being an adult, the bridesmaid called OP cheap, which is extremely ironic, coming from someone who cannot afford the new dress and didn’t even pay for the old one.”
“But what really sold it for me was the lying and badmouthing of her friend, that is so gross. OP is probably better off without this person in her life.” – MelancholyMexican
Conflicted by the strain this confrontation was putting on her wedding party and planning, the OP wondered if she was wrong to refuse the option of buying her bridesmaid a second dress.
The subReddit, however, believed she had already done enough and urged her to think about who she kept close to her in the wedding party.
Behavior like this doesn’t make someone think of celebrating, but rather drama and negativity, which is not something someone wants to feel, especially on their wedding day.