Wedding planning should be a wonderful occasion, especially for the happy couple and their friends and family involved.
But weddings and holidays have a way of bringing the worst out in people sometimes, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor flowersareforever4 was furious with her sister, who couldn’t wear her bridesmaid’s dress because of religious reasons.
But even when her sister tried to make the situation work, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t want to change her bridesmaid dress plans.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for removing my sister from the bridal party because she won’t wear the bridesmaid dresses?”
The OP wanted to include her sister as one of her bridesmaids.
“My fiance (28 Male) and I (26 Female) are getting married in late August, and the planning is going great.”
“I asked my sister (24 Female) to be one of my bridesmaids, since we have always been very close.”
The OP decided to remove her sister from the wedding party.
“However, a couple of weeks ago, I had to ask her to leave the bridal party.”
“The dress I selected for my bridesmaids is very summery: pink, strapless, and knee-length.”
“However, a few years ago, my sister converted to a very conservative church, and her new church has very strict modesty rules that do not allow her to show her arms, legs, or any of her chest or back.”
“We argued over the bridesmaid dress, with her offering to wear leggings under the dress and have the top altered or wear a cardigan.”
“I said no, as this would look very strange in my bridal party photos, and since she refused to wear the original dress, I asked her to leave the bridal party.”
The OP’s sister didn’t feel welcome after that.
“My sister has been really upset, and now she feels like she shouldn’t come to the wedding at all.”
“But at the same time, I feel like her duty as a bridesmaid is to wear what I want her to, so I had the right to ask her to leave the party.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP’s sister had tried to work with her on this situation.
“It’s also super common nowadays for brides to select a designer, material, and color and then let the bridesmaids select dresses that they feel most comfortable in/flatter them.”
“Easy fix, all the bridesmaids could wear what they look best in and the sister wouldn’t stand out if they all wear unique dresses.”
“Op, YTA.” – struggling_biologist
“The sister also offered other ways to still wear the dress and OP still wouldn’t budge.”
“OP also said that the sister converted a few years ago so… did she pick this dress knowing the modesty standards and just expected her to go along?” – jormungandrstail
“Especially since it doesn’t sound like she is asking the bride to change everyone’s dress. How about instead of everyone having to wear cookie cutter dresses, whether they like them or not, pick a color and each bride’s maid can pick out the style they like.”
“I’ve worked a ridiculous amount of weddings for a catering company and it always looks elegant while recognizing individual personalities.” – sfjc
“I was once in a wedding where two of the other bridesmaids were Morman. The bride, who was not religious, spoke with them about modesty requirements before dress shopping to ensure she selected something they could wear.”
“As someone rather gifted in the chestal area, I was thrilled to be able to wear a regular bra and not worry about accidentally flashing the wedding guests!” – woodwroth
“So, I grew up Mormon (not anymore) and would not have been able to wear the dress in the description. That said, I would have understood that altering it to fit Mormon standards would have made it look odd/stand out weirdly, and I would have been okay with being a regular guest at the sister’s wedding.”
“I would have understood there was a particular bridesmaid dress code my sister wanted and also that it wasn’t compatible with my everyday dress code. As long as she didn’t choose the bridesmaid dress style specifically to exclude me, and also as long as she didn’t try to pressure me into wearing it anyway knowing my religion, it would’ve been chill.” – schrodingers_cat42
“YTA. She gave you a fair and reasonable compromise and you said that’s not good enough and booted her. I’d be surprised if you two have a relationship at all after this.” – acenoodle
“YTA, I think.”
“She offered compromise, y’know? She offered to wear the dress with leggings and a cardigan. And the best you can offer as to why you didn’t take that is because it would look ‘very strange’ in your bridal party photos?”
“Yeah, doesn’t fly in my mind.” – N_Who
“YTA. You shouldn’t expect her to change her religious practices for you, even for one day. She had already started consulting with you about possible alterations on the dress that honor you and her religion, while celebrating you and you wouldn’t even compromise?”
“YTA for sacrificing your relationship with your sister Over group photos? The photos of you and your husband (the most important photos) will remain unaffected regardless of what your sister wears because she won’t be in those. YTA” – WildeThought
Others agreed and said it was telling that the OP wouldn’t budge.
“I’m an atheist but I’m also a former caterer who got sick of dealing with brides, grooms, and their parents a long time ago.”
“You knew she wouldn’t wear the dress when you picked it out. You don’t want her in your wedding party. Just admit it.” – Illiannoyance
“At first I was like N T A… I agree that leggings and a cardigan in that style will look a little off… but you are definitely YTA for picking a style that purposely excludes your sister.”
“What makes it easier for that determination is the style. Short bridesmaid dresses are definitely not popular like they used to be. You could have her in a topper that makes her dress modest… but there are so many MODERN trendy bridesmaids’ dresses that are long-sleeved and long! It’s a big trend right now so it’s not like it’s asking you as the bride to be outdated.”
“And as a frequent wedding guest and bride, strapless dresses just suck. They never stay put. Also if your dresses are long, you can have her as the maid of honor. Their dresses can be slightly different so it wouldn’t stick out as much… or do longer dresses that are mismatching in textures and tones.” – raemi07
“I reverted to Islam in March of last year and my best friend had been planning her wedding for some time. She was very respectful and allowed me to wear a modest dress and hijab.”
“Because if she wasn’t cool with it I definitely wouldn’t be in the wedding. Not sure if I’d ditch the wedding completely, I guess it depends on how it was handled.”
“But she valued me being part of her day more than the aesthetics of a photo. She also let the whole bridal party choose their own dress in the same color though.” – funkymorganics1
“When picking a dress, I thought about my bridesmaids and tried to take them into account. Why couldn’t she have picked a longer dress, still a pink summery one, and let the sister wear a little shrug or something?”
“I don’t particularly agree with the whole modesty thing, but doesn’t sound like it’s a new thing.” – AlpacaMyS**t
“That’s what a friend did, but the differences involved body shape, not religion. I (MOH) ended up making a dress that was the same color and similar fabric to the bridemaids’, with a gauzy long jacket over it.”
“We looked fabulous, we were all comfortable, and the photos still make me tear up.” – NobleExperiments
“At the very least take sister to the dress shop and see what they can do with the dress.”
“Putting leggings and a cardigan with a summery dress seems kind of ridiculous, but maybe a good seamstress can come up with an overlay that will honor the bride’s vision and sister’s restrictions. At least try.” – Micandacam
“I was MOH for my best mate, and she knew I hated dresses. I was more than willing to wear one for the occasion, but she insisted that she wanted me to be comfortable.”
“She ended up picking me a darker shade suit than the other bridesmaids’ dresses. In the photos, I didn’t look out of place because I matched the theme perfectly, but was distinct enough to be noticed as MOH.”
“There’s always room for compromise if you love someone.” – CrazySnekGirl
While the OP thought she was right to stand up for what she wanted for her wedding, and to worry about how the wedding photos would turn out, the subReddit was not convinced.
They could understand why the bride might think her sister’s ideas for altering the dress might look out of place, but it was more alarming to them that she ended the conversation there, rather than looking for more suitable alterations.