Many people have a good idea of what they want their wedding to be. How they want to experience the big day. But this can lead to complications with family and friends when things don’t align.
Redditor TSM164 decided she didn’t want any children at her wedding. However, the original poster (OP) seems to keep encountering people who want or need to bring a baby to the event.
The results of OP’s decision caused her to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she was possibly wrong.
How far can she go in the name of her wedding?
“AITA for not changing my wedding plans?”
Her sister seems to be very persistent:
“Me (27 F[emale]) and my husband (29M[ale]) got engaged in 2018 and planned to get married 2020. Due to covid it meant we couldn’t have the wedding we’d planned and dreamed of so we made the decision to get married with 8 people in attendance on our original 2020 date and have our official wedding in 2021.”
“We have always said that when we get married we don’t want children at our wedding, whilst we understand some people like this option for us personally we felt we didn’t want to have any children there. Although we have two nieces (1F & 2F) we did explain prior to their births that we wouldn’t be having children at the wedding.”
“Two weeks before our 2020 wedding my sister asked about having my niece (1F) at the wedding as they were struggling for childcare and I said sorry but no we do not want children there (they’d also had 18months to sort childcare) and we felt we would have to allow others to bring there children too.”
“Fast forward to now where I’m planning my wedding my sister is not speaking to me because she is pregnant again and said she should be allowed to bring her 7 week old baby to the wedding.”
“I’d offered for them to have accommodation at the wedding the baby can stay in with them going back and forth or having the BIL’s parent stay with the baby but said it’s not fair on me to change my plans for my wedding and start allowing Children.”
OP is positive she doesn’t want children there, but her sister’s children are so young. Would it be so bad to have them there?
To find out, Reddit users judge OP by responding with one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It is OP’s wedding and she was very clear that she didn’t want any children there. Despite this, she’s provided other options for her sister to have her babies there but not at the wedding.
The vote came in with it being decided that OP was NTA to insist on no babies.
“Nta. I love my baby cousins but young babies cannot stay quiet when they need to be.”
“I say dont change your plans. Its YOUR wedding you can have whomever you like there.”
“Me, im not inviting my sister cause she is an ah and i dont want her to ruin my day” – Acquta
“NTA. You’ve been clear all along. It’s understandable she’d like to bring them which could’ve gone N A H but if she keeps pushing it and literally called you an a**hole or any derivation thereof then she’s the a**hole.”
“She can get an on-site sitter or a relative from her husband’s side of the family to come along stay in the room with the kids while they’re at the wedding they could go check back-and-forth …there’s ways it can get worked around she’s just pushing you to get her way unnecessarily.” – dart1126
“NTA but be prepared for your sister to not attend or only attend the ceremony. Your wedding your rules.”
“But it’s not feasible for mum to leave a newborn baby for long especially if breastfeeding so she W N B T A for not attending either.”
“Mine were pains in the bum and had colic. A newborn needs to be fed every 2 hrs ish. This takes at least 30 mins and if they have colic or reflux need an hour of winding after each feed.”
“This left approx 30 mins of free time in between feeds which might just cover the ceremony if they are onsite but maybe not.” – Monkeylovesfood
“NTA you’ve been clear from the start that it’s a children free wedding, and you’re even trying to help them plan alternatives.” – redditor191389
However not everyone was convinced. It’s really difficult to take care of children in such limiting circumstances. Not to mention this is OP’s sister.
The situation has a little more nuance than “her wedding, her rules.”
“NAH. You have a right to have a wedding you want, but it’s not realistic to expect your sister to leave her 7 week old baby when she’s likely still breastfeeding, etc.”
“If you don’t want the baby there that’s fine but then you need to accept that your sister likely can’t come.” – drzoidberg84
“Not only that, but thanks to Covid, 1F probably hasn’t really bonded with anyone outside of Mom and Dad yet, including anyone on BIL’s side of the family that she would otherwise be left with.”
“Even if Sis wasn’t pregnant again, she probably wouldn’t be able to make it. Unfortunately, Delta has given the Pandemic a new life, and it’s probably still going to be a long time before 1F, let alone the newborn, are going to be able to be vaxed.”
“They’re still going to have to take precautions.” – Pale_Cranberry1502
“I’d apply the rule differently for a newborn, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable that she’s asking you for that – it’s not asking you to change your plans for your wedding when it’s a tiny baby who will be either asleep or feeding, it’s asking you to allow your sister to be there at all.”
“Babe will be in a sling or bassinet – very different from an older child who’d very much be joining in with celebrations.”
“YTA for the ‘not fair on you’ – rigidly applying this rule excludes your sister as a nursing mother of a newborn, flexing it to accommodate her needs in no way changes your wedding. It’s win-win.” – RafRafRafRaf
“I’d agree with your take except that op offered to make space for on site childcare just not in the room with the reception and the sister said no.” – 99angelgirl
“I know I’ll be in the minority here, but weddings are supposed to be for family (whatever that means to you) to celebrate you and your love and your marriage. I don’t know where the concept of ‘MY perfect day,’ came from, maybe celebrity culture/movies, and later social media.”
“Anyway, I don’t see the point of having a ‘perfect’ day filled with all the stuff (that’s all it is, stuff) you want if your sister isn’t even invited.” – Is-abel
Some other comments got at the heart of the issue, which was other guests using the infants as an excuse to bring their own children.
But a little suggestion went a long way.
“Nta. I fully support child free weddings. However I have seen people make exceptions for breast feeding mothers.”
“Cousin asks ‘why can’t my 5 year old come if sister has baby’ ‘because shes breast feeding’.”
“If you don’t want kids there that’s 100% ok. If you don’t want sister to bring the 7 week old because you think everyone else is going to raise a ruckus, saying you let your sister because she is still breastfeeding is an acceptable response” – millenialbullshite
“Thanks that’s really helpful, hadn’t thought of saying it that way” – TSM164 (OP)
Hopefully this answer provides an acceptable compromise for OP, especially if she really wants her sister there.