Another day, another bride with questionable actions.
Redditor Leading-Fly4395 is today’s bride in question and she has a very specific mental image of what she wants her guests to look like at the wedding.
Correct, not her bridal party, not her, her guests.
Well the Original Poster (OP) recently got into it with her stepsister because her stepsister wants to wear something outside of the vision.
This interaction drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she can’t wear a red dress to my wedding or else she is uninvited”
She went on to explain:
“My wedding is coming up and since I’ve gotten proposed too me and my husband have been adamant about pastel colors being worn by the guests.”
“My stepsister is saying that she bought this expensive dark red dress to wear to the wedding recently…”
“…I’m not a hard to deal with person, but I feel like she shouldn’t have bought the dress knowing that I wanted people in pastel colors.”
“She also isn’t a hard to deal with person usually so I dont know why she is acting like that.”
“Now, last night I texted her saying she won’t be able to come to the wedding if she’s planning to wear that dress, and she asked if I will be reimbursing her for the dress and I told her no.”
“She’s now telling family that I’m being a bridezilla and acting unreasonable.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA”
“Short of white, for cultural reasons, bridal parties should not impose color schemes on guests.”
“Have a dress code of say ‘at least semi-formal’ or ‘formal’ but dictating the color scheme is a bridge too far. They’re guests and not accessories to the wedding.”
“Edit: As with white, if there are cultural issues related to red, than it’s acceptable to put it on a list of unacceptable colors.”
“However, that is primarily within Eastern-Asian cultures. That does not seem to be the case here.” – GaHistProf
“YTA. I hate pastel and so do a lot of other people.”
“It’s a d*ck move to expect guests to go and get outfits in a colour that they don’t like and may never wear again just to fit your aesthetic.” – WhatAmIDoingHere2092
“YTA- What’s more important to you? Having a perfect colour scheme or having your sister with you?”
“You dont know why she bought that dress but surely not to hurt your feelings. But now, you basically told her: Colour is more important than you.”
“Thats like one of the biggest AH-moves you could pull off!” – D0n_C4m1110
“‘She also isn’t a hard to deal with person usually so I dont know why she is acting like that.’”
“She isn’t ‘acting like that’. She didn’t do it to spite you. Not everything is about you, even at your own wedding.”
“She bought a dress she likes. That won’t invalidate your vows before God. Get over it.”
“‘She also isn’t a hard to deal with person usually’”
“That suggests that the person being difficult here is you.” – notforcommentinohgoo
“YTA”
“Having this specific of a dress code for your GUESTS is ridiculous. Leave it to levels of formality and obviously not the same color as the bride. You’re imposing way too much” – Csdkjdskj
“There is a difference between a dress code (formal, morning dress etc) and imposing colours onto your guests.”
“It is one thing for the wedding party (ie bridesmaids/groomsmen) but it is a poor show to try and impose your crappy 1980s Miami Vice wannabe vibe onto your guests. YTA” – mavwok
“‘me and my husband have been adamant about pastel colors being worn by the guests’”
“Why? Why do you care? It’s a wedding, not a theatrical production. You are the bride and groom, not the directors. Get over yourselves.”
“YTA and so is your fiance.” – notforcommentinohgoo
“Are you serious? YTA. It’s your SISTER.”
“As far as dress codes and colours, it’s appropriate for you to ask members of the wedding party to purchase dresses of a certain colour…”
“…(I’m gay and masculine as they come and I dressed in a long baby pink dress for my older sister’s wedding).”
“Don’t be that bride. And you are.”
“So many people make their marriage about the wedding when it’s REALLY about you and your spouse being married and spending time together to celebrate the rest of your lives.”
“Give up some control, relax, and enjoy this time with your family instead of harassing people and bending them to your apparently iron will. You’re being unreasonable here.” – VulcanDiver
“‘I’m not a hard to deal with person’”
“I don’t know, man; trying to police what color guests wear to your wedding makes you sound pretty hard to deal with.”
“I think it’s nice if people choose an outfit that matches your colors, but not doing so shouldn’t cause conflict and it’s amazing your guests like you enough to indulge you.”
“Talk to your photographer. Apparently, they can change the dress color. But she should really only be in a few official wedding photos.”
“YTA” – rchart1010
“YTA”
“A wedding is more than just a day for the bride and groom.”
“You’re hosting a social event. That means you have the social obligation of creating a welcoming, comfortable experience for your guests.”
“Your get to choose what you wear. You get to choose what the wedding party wears, within reason.”
“Ordinary guests? They get to decide what to wear, within reasonable guidelines (indoor vs. outdoor, formal vs. informal.)”
“But if you’re having a formal wedding, and a guest already has a formal outfit in a dark color, you don’t get to demand they go out and buy something specific for you.”
“Even if they are buying something new, they’re apt to want to choose a formal outfit they can wear to multiple events in the future, which means a color and style that is flattering for them.”
“If you want everyone in pastels, hand out pastel tee-shirts, don’t expect them to just have a formal outfit in your choice of color.” – Jazzlike_Humor3340
“YTA. Why do you really honestly care what anyone else wears? I get that right now you superficially care, but down deep, legitimately, and really, why do you care?”
“Is it because of some random picture that might be taken in your mind? Or some silly design idea you have floating around that some planner planted in your head?”
“On the actual day you aren’t gonna care at all. All you’re gonna care about is that you’re getting married and everyone is having fun.”
“You’re not gonna care about the flowers or the plates or the silverware or the chair arrangement. All you’re gonna care about is the excitement of that day.”
“Let your sister wear her dress and get over it” – UsesCommonSense
“INFO: Did she buy the dress before or after you informed her of the dress code?”
“I’m clearly in the minority here but I think IF your sister knew well in advance and purchased the dress anyway, YWN (necessarily) BTA.”
“Especially given she was buying a new dress anyway. If it’s acceptable to require guests to wear black tie, for example, which they may not own, why not a particular color palette?”
“Having to go out and buy a tuxedo/evening gown if one doesn’t own them could be really expensive and more daunting than just picking out an outfit that matches a color scheme.”
“If my sister wanted me to wear a specific color or stick to a particular palette for her wedding, I might roll my eyes a little, but I’d suck it up and try to be a good sport. Why not?”
“It’s one day and I’d want to support her vision. If it was a color I was unlikely to wear again, I’d thrift it or look for something super inexpensive.”
“It just seems petty if she deliberately went out of her way to buy something that clashed with your stated dress code.”
“That being said, she’s your sister. Of course she has to be at your wedding. If she digs her heels in and you refuse to let her come, I would say E S H.” – Phillian_
“mhmmm you’re NTA if you’ve told this to guests FAR in advance, like when the wedding was planned and invites were made.”
“Not sure why everyone is saying YTA. It’s your wedding. You can enforce a dress code. If your sister purposefully goes against this that’s real weird.!”
“And to people saying not everyone looks good in pastels, that’s just not true. There are so many different pastels lmao. You’re literally paying for a wedding.”
“Like providing food, providing a fun night. You’re gonna have photographers and I’m assuming you want things to look uniform and blend with the decor.”
“Why anyone would actively and knowingly go against this and buy a dress code that doesn’t match is beyond me” – entrancefleur
Interesting bride flex.
Well, what do you think? Is it okay to ban her from the wedding for wearing red?