Weddings are incredibly expensive, often far much more than we anticipated before we started planning one.
Some people are fortunate enough to have family who can help cover the expenses, but the “Am I the A**hole?” subReddit pointed out they shouldn’t feel entitled to assistance.
Redditor RemarkableCrab3352, however, believed that her brother should help her, since his income was substantially higher.
But when her family balked against her insistence, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was missing something.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for requesting that my brother give me £20,000 ($27,000 USD) to help me pay for my wedding since he makes a lot more money than me?”
The OP was doing well for herself with her fiancé and daughter.
“I (23 [Female]) am engaged to my fiancé (27 [Male]). I am also the mother to my daughter (4).”
“I wasn’t able to go to university full-time, since I was raising my daughter. However, I am currently studying history online, where I will hopefully be able to become a history teacher.”
“Balancing studying while raising my daughter hasn’t been easy, however, having my fiancé supporting the family has really helped, since my fiancé works in a research lab.”
“We have enough money to live comfortably, but saving up money to have our dream wedding would take years.”
The OP couldn’t help but notice her brother was doing better, though.
“My brother (28 [Male]) works as a hospital doctor.”
“His wife also works as a hospital doctor, so to say that they are well off would be an understatement.”
“My brother hasn’t had the same struggles of raising a child, since they both don’t want any children.”
“I don’t mind the fact that they don’t have kids, but they have been able to save a lot of money due to this.”
The OP asked her brother for help with her wedding.
“Recently, I asked my brother if he would be able to help pay for my wedding, since having him contribute to my wedding would help make it a magical moment for me.”
“My brother offered to give me £5,000 towards my wedding, which honestly surprised me.”
“I might be wrong here, but surely as a hospital doctor, my brother should be able to contribute more to my wedding.”
“I told him that I’d really appreciate it if he could give me £20,000 for my wedding, since it would really mean a lot, but he refused.”
The OP expressed her disappointment.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t make my annoyance with my brother clear, and I told him that his refusal to help pay for my wedding is selfish.
“I said that if he doesn’t help contribute to my wedding, then he won’t be able to come, since it isn’t my fault that I don’t have a lot of money to fund my wedding.”
“We had an argument afterwards, and I haven’t been returning his calls since.”
“The rest of my family is helping to contribute to my wedding, which makes his refusal even worse.”
The OP’s father surprised her by criticizing her behavior.
“Despite my brother’s actions, my father thinks that I’m being too harsh on my brother.”
“He said that me not inviting him to my wedding would be upsetting for him.”
“Am I missing something here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe the OP’s entitlement.
“I am blown away by the audacity. (Too bad for OP that audacity isn’t legal currency, or she’d be just fine in affording this wedding.)”
“She asked for money; he graciously offered 5,000. To get mad about that? Instead of being overwhelmed with gratitude? HUGE AH.”
“My brother buys me little things sometimes, and I am grateful. If I asked him for 20,000, we would both laugh.”
“Additionally, it actually *is* her fault that she doesn’t have enough for her ‘dream wedding,’ as she chose to have kids.” – a_squid_beast
“YTA. Your brother doesn’t owe you squat for YOUR wedding, and his offer of 5000 quid was SUPER generous already.”
‘Your behavior is inexcusable, and you should start drafting apologies.” – LittleGreenSoldier
“I know lol (laughing out loud) is overused. But I laughed so hard at this, my partner asked what was so funny.”
“My brother is rich compared to me. I once asked for a $1000 loan to move and paid it back in a year and still felt he was being super kind to help me out when I 1st graduated college.”
‘He also co-signed for a student loan and I made sure to get insurance on it and that one loan is always the 1st to be paid because I appreciate him taking that risk for me.”
“I can’t imagine just asking for $$ with no intention of paying it back. That’s some next level entitlement.” – vicki_chicki
Others agreed and questioned how much money the OP was spending.
“She also chose not to work… I’m a stay-at-home mom, but I would never act like this, begging others for money.”
“I would just find an affordable option (we had a small intimate wedding and it was perfect).”
“Since we didn’t ask anyone to help pay and did it affordably, my family very generously put together a honeymoon fund and surprised us…” – lilly12000
“I love the part where OP says, ‘Since it isn’t my fault that I don’t a lot of money to fund my wedding.'”
“Yes. Yes, it is your fault you don’t have a lot of money for your wedding. If you can’t afford a £20,000 wedding, then don’t have one.” – LadyDes91
“I love how she ‘doesn’t mind’ them not having kids. How open-minded of her!”
‘And thinks since they made the choice to remain child-free and are doctors they should give her money or else they’re just selfish, horrible people.”
“OP, you made the choice to have a wedding. You don’t need to throw a wedding that costs tens of thousands of dollars you don’t have. “
“Scale it back, have the wedding you can afford, and apologize to your brother for your selfishness. YTA.” – thistleandpeony
A few hoped the family would figure out what the OP was doing.
“I hope the rest of the family comes to realize how horrible and entitled OP is and withdraws their offers to throw away large amounts of money on her ridiculous dream wedding.”
“200% YTA with an extra 100% entitlement on top.” – PopeJamiroquaiIII
“I hope OP’s brother and SIL don’t go to her wedding. In fact, I hope they take the money they offered her, find a pet sitter, and go on a nice vacation somewhere when OP does get married.”
“And if asked, I hope OP’s brother tells people why he was disinvited from his sister’s wedding: because she’s an immature, entitled, spoiled brat who thinks the world owes her something.” – BadBandit1970
Though the OP didn’t understand what she could possibly be doing wrong in this situation, the subReddit couldn’t have been more united against her.
Not only did her brother not actually refuse her money, but she was also accepting money from other family members, and planning a wedding that was well beyond her financial means.
If that’s not a recipe for disaster and future family feuding, the subReddit didn’t know what could be.