As much as people look forward to their weddings, they soon find out that wedding planning is a fairly stressful endeavor.
Not helped by the fact that all of their nearest and dearest offer advice about their wedding, even. when they’re not asked.
Of course, all wedding planning decisions are ultimately up to the happy couple.
Even so, that doesn’t stop people from expressing their disappointment with certain choices.
Redditor MentalCut5707 was in the midst of planning her wedding and felt absolutely certain about one very important element.
An element that the original poster (OP)’s future mother-in-law (MIL) was firmly against.
Even so, the OP was not deterred and told her MIL in no uncertain terms that her decision was final.
Wondering if she should have been more sympathetic to her MIL’s feelings, the OP took to the. subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mother in law I don’t care if people don’t come to my wedding?”
The OP explained how she and her mother didn’t see eye to eye when it came to planning her wedding:
“I’m 25 F[emale] and marrying my fiancé (29 M[ale]) this fall.”
“Even though we started wedding planning a bit late, we haven’t had any issues finding vendors.”
“Today, we toured five venues.”
“The first four weren’t really my style, and honestly, I wasn’t even interested in seeing them.”
“The one I really wanted was last on the list.”
“As soon as I saw it, I knew it was the one.”
“It’s a beautiful Southern-style venue about 45 minutes outside the city.”
“It took me 38 minutes to get there from the fourth venue, but my MIL got lost and took about 50 minutes.”
“As soon as she arrived, she hated it because it was ‘too far’ and also because the property has a lake view.”
“She immediately said, ‘What if the kids get out here and drown?'”
“First of all, that’s why I said no kids.”
“Second, other people’s children are not my responsibility.”
“I made it clear that this is the venue I want.”
“It’s perfect, within budget, and exactly what I envisioned.”
“But all she can do is complain — about how far it is, what people are going to say, and what they’re going to do.”
“To that, I responded: If people don’t care enough about me to drive 45 minutes, then I don’t really care to have them celebrate with me anyway.”
“We ended up going our separate ways, but it’s super obvious she’s upset — and honestly, it’s really pissing me off.”
“At the end of the day, this wedding matters most to me and my fiancé — not anyone else.”
“I don’t want to look back and feel like I settled for a venue I didn’t love just to make other people comfortable.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for putting her MIL in her place.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s MIL ultimately had no say in any decision regarding the wedding and did the absolutely right thing, making that clear:
“NTA.”
“This isn’t your MIL’s wedding.”
“It’s yours.”
“If she doesn’t like the venue, too bad for her.”
“If people are unwilling to make the drive, that’s on them.”
“I’m curious though, is MIL paying for it or something?”- Stranger0nReddit
“You are NTA.”
“Is there any particular reason that you and your fiancé brought his mother along on your venue search?”
“What did he think of her remarks?”
“She should have been a supportive participant who deferred to the bride and groom on all matters.”- EmceeSuzy
“NTA.”
“But be forewarned, this is likely to be a pattern in your marriage.”
“Does your fiancé have your back?”- OldGeekWeirdo
“NTA.”
“It’s your guys’ day.”
“But goddamn learn to use periods holy sh*t.”- Religion_Is_A_Cancer
“You and your fiance get to make the choices and to get married the way that feels right to you – especially if you are paying for it.”
“If you love a place 45 minutes away, that seems pretty reasonable – lots of people pick venues that are far more inconvenient than that, or even abroad, and their loved ones find a way to get there.”
“So whatever your m-i-l says, what you are doing is absolutely normal.”
“It would not cause any surprise to anyone I know, and I bet all your guests are fine with it.”
“I can’t think of a single wedding that was within an hour from where we live.”
“I got married 4 hours away from my parents and 3 hours away from my in-laws because it was the place we met and made our home.”
“My husband’s best man and his wife got married in Scotland, 8 hours from us and any family, and it was the most glorious and memorable event.”
“I drove 4 hours to the wedding of a childhood friend, and we flew to France for my brother’s wedding.”
“And right now, one of my colleagues is planning a wedding 3 hours from his family because they wanted a perfect venue.”
“I suspect that you could only expect things to happen on your doorstep if the wedding only involves people who live within a very tight-knit community and have never moved away from where they grew up.”
“NTA.”- mavenmim
“Unless your MIL is paying for the wedding, traditionally, the groom’s parents have not a lot of sway or say in the wedding.”
“I cannot even imagine why she was invited to view the venue options, honestly.”
“NTA.”- 2dogslife
“NTA.”
“It’s your wedding, and you deserve to choose the venue you want.”
“If people don’t want to make the effort, that’s on them.”
“Your day, your choice.”- cmrtl13
“NTA.”
“It’s your day, and if the venue’s perfect for you, that’s what matters.”
“If people can’t be bothered to travel, that’s on them.”
“Don’t let your mother-in-law guilt you into settling for something you don’t want.”
“You do you.”- ruyrybeyro
“Don’t let her piss you off.”
“She is not worth it. Have your wedding where, when, & how you want.”
“45 minute drive is nothing.”
“Go forth & prosper.”
“NTA.”- frlejo
“NTA.”
“Go with the venue you choose.”
“She’s mad because she got lost.”- Bfan72
“NTA but move on.”
“You are allowing her space in your head.”
“It’s the decision of you and your fiance,’ and MIL doesn’t count.”
“Don’t let her think you have to please her.”
“Don’t engage.”
“Last wedding I went to was 45 minutes west, then waited for a shuttle to take a group 45 north on a bumpy gravel road.”
“I lived closest.”
“Most were 2.5 hours or a flight plus the 2.5 hours.”
“I was one of the few who didn’t stay partway there.”
“The lake was gorgeous, the view spectacular.”
“The only children were the toddler ring bearer and flower girl.”
“And the dog.”
“Enjoy, it will be phenomenal, and kick mil out of your head.”- tcd1401
“Am I a weirdo?”
“I have taken an international flight as well as domestic flights and mini-road trips to go to some close friends’ weddings.”
“How is a 45-minute drive too far?”
“I’ve even had work commutes longer than 45 minutes.”
“NTA.”
“Seems more like monster-in-law than mother.”- yeehawt22
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Draw the boundaries now and cut her out of your marital life.”
“Its not her wedding, she has no right to decide what you both want and how.”- -AggressiveMango-
“NTA, it’s not that far to drive, honestly.”
“Pay for the wedding yourself.”
“Have fiancé tell her she can gift you cash to put toward the down payment on a honeymoon or a house.”
“That way, she can’t ask for anything in terms of wedding planning.”- Glinda-The-Witch
“NTA.”
“If it’s THAT big of a deal to her that it’s ‘far,’ ask her to hire a party bus for her side of the family.”
“I did; transported 35 people; round trip was $1300 for the evening on a really nice bus that included drinks!”
“I imagine it would be much more affordable to get a school-style bus rental!”
“If she wants to be involved in the planning, She’s welcome to find solutions to ‘problems’ too!”
“I totally get not caring if people don’t come to celebrate you.”
“I, too, wanted a child-free wedding initially, but when I sat down to make my guest list, I realized how many of my family members wouldn’t be able to attend/be in photos at the wedding if I made that choice.”
“I ultimately decided to go ahead and invite kids, hired a designated ‘babysitter’ group to watch the areas of the venue I was worried about safety wise & even had a white bounce house set up at the reception.”
“Everyone loved it!”
“Going child-free may cause some issues in the family dynamic, def think about it carefully before sending the invites.”- Mediocre_Skill4899
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and the OP’s MIL isn’t required to like everything about the OP’s wedding.
However, she should also remember that the OP’s wedding is also her son’s wedding.
And if all she can think about that day is how unhappy she is with their venue selection, then it might be better for everyone if she didn’t attend at all.