Disabled Redditor Hurt After Brother Fails To Provide Handicap Accommodation At His Wedding

Most brides and grooms hope their families and friends can be safe and comfortable when tying the knot.

This would include accommodations for older or disabled guests, one might think.

Not all brides and grooms are willing to make such arrangements, it seems.

And this one couple in particular takes the cake.

Redditor baristahustle wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"WIBTA if I never made a cake for my one brother again even though I'll keep making them for the rest of the family because of how he treated me at his wedding?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My brother (20 M[ale]) and his fiancé (20 F[emale]) asked if I would make their wedding cake."

"Context, I was a professional baker for years but am now disabled, using a wheelchair, and have very limited energy, so I don't do cakes professionally anymore, only for loved ones."

"I was happy to do it as my gift to them."

"We talked and agreed on a 3-tier, white, sage, and gold cake with lots of white flowers and greenery."

"S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] said she would give me flowers for the cake so it would match hers."

"Week of the wedding- I baked 16 cakes, stacked, filled, and decorated them all into a beautiful 3-tier cake."

"This took me 30+ hours, and every bit of energy left in my poor disabled body."

"But hey, he's my brother, he'd do the same for me, right?"

"The day before- Mom was tasked to bring me the flowers for the cake, but when I saw them I learned they had changed their colors, the flowers were all orange and yellow."

"Not the white flowers and greenery I'd made this cake for."

"SIL only gave Mom a few flowers, but the cake she asked for had TONS, so I had to go out to get more after spending the last 13 hours on this cake. "

"Plus my brother called to ask if he could pick up leftover flowers cause I took so many."

"Day of- My mom calls me to warn me that the venue, outdoors, is mostly paved but very steep and that it's going to be hard for me to move."

"Part was being held in a field that would be incredibly difficult for me to roll across."

"I got out of photos late because they had not told the photographers that we needed anything with me in it first so that I could go."

"But we did make it in time to set up the cake, it looked cute, and the flowers and greenery I got to mix in worked out."

"Then was the part that was held in a field."

"A friend offered to push me but I decided that since the whole family was watching, may as well give them a show."

"I chose to roll into place myself, this looked horrible."

"I was clearly having a hard time getting around."

"My other friend sitting in the crowd said that everyone around her went silent and stared in discomfort with how difficult this was for me."

"That's when I learned there was no accessible bathroom."

"Mom had to help me onto the toilet with the door wide open and multiple people helping us."

"There was no note on how many guests can park so someone was in the lines of the accessible spot that made it so I couldn't get anywhere."

"We had to go get them to move their car and the guy whose car it was treated me horribly."

"That's when I broke down in front of the whole family, crying and shaking from embarrassment, exhaustion, and betrayal."

"As soon as that cake was cut, I went to tell the bride and groom and said 'bye' and told my brother we were going to have a talk later. "

"I am going to tell him that I'm never going to make him anything ever again."

"If they want cake, they need to buy it."

"They showed that they are not willing to put in even a fraction of the effort or thought that I give to them."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA as someone who is disabled as well and sometimes needs a wheelchair from time to time to get around, it was completely wrong of your brother to disregard your needs when you went above and beyond to fulfill his wish for a wedding cake."

"For people in our position, energy is limited, and we must be careful how we spend it."

"Your brother knew this and chose to take advantage of it."

"He showed that his love for you isn't much if he couldn't even tell the photographers about your disability."

"From now on he wants a cake to remind him it's only for loved ones, and he clearly shows that you aren't by him."

"Why was your family okay with how your brother treated you?"

"When your decision to not bake for your brother is known, don't let anyone tell you to turn the cheek because they will continue to see you as a means to an end and not a family member." ~ tossaside272

"Regardless of whether it was last minute or not, your disability and knowledge thereof was never last minute."

'He could have spoken up the second he found out it wasn't accessible but instead chose to accommodate fully able-bodied people."

"And not only that had the nerve to make a massive request knowing what you'll have to go through the day off after already working your a** off to make him his wedding cake that took more than all of your energy and probably your money for ingredients."

"Plus the last-minute color change that you had to work around." ~ tossaside272

"OP this is not about a cake."

"This is about your brother not understanding and making accommodations for your disability."

"Keep the talks to the issues."

"If you make it about the cake, there will be a s**t storm." ~ ScaryButterscotch474

"Your brother is an AH for not picking a venue that is more wheelchair accessible."

"But I'd probably just talk to him about it and say you were hurt by it as opposed to looking for a way to punish him."

"The cake and the lack of wheelchair access aren't really connected to each other - your brother should have thought of you in this regard whether you brought the cake or not."

"So to go to him and say 'You did this to me, so I'm not going to ever bake you a cake again,' he'll just be like, 'Well OK,' and what will that really accomplish?"

"If you don't plan on going no contact with your brother over this then what you're really saying is "I'm just going to hold a grudge forever."

"P.S... The cake sounds awesome was probably better than my wedding cake that I paid like $500 for!" ~ Individual_Check_442

"NTA - they expected hours and hours of free labor from you but couldn't even give you (or the other guests) a heads up about the venue."

"That shows they were only thinking of themselves."

"Which on your big day is reasonable to some extent but not this length when you know one of your guests has special needs."

"They didn't allow you to even prep, or inform the other guests not to park in a way that would block you from even leaving if you needed to."

"So much effort just to be so highly embarrassed… NAH, put your love where it's worth because it ain't there." ~ PhillipTopicall

"NTA. I doubt he was being actively malicious, he probably just didn't think about you."

"But still - he didn't think about you. His sister."

"That's not okay."

"That just shows how little he cares about you, that he couldn't even spare a thought to ensure that you could use the bathroom during his wedding after you made a gorgeous cake for him."

"I wouldn't waste my time on someone who cared that little, either." ~ totallyworkinghere

"NTA. You made an effort for him, he didn't think of you other than when he needed the free cake." ~ Accomplished_Ad_1436

"NTA- All your brother and his wife thought about was their wedding and getting a free cake."

"They will need more cakes in the future for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays."

"They can buy them just like everyone else and as they will soon find out good ones are expensive."

"Never bite the hand that feeds."

"And don't let people tell you to bake them to keep the peace."

"Hand them a recipe and tell them they can bake a cake to keep the peace."

"Watch them try to back out because it's too much work." ~ PassComprehensive425

"NTA for your hurt feelings, embarrassment, and frustration."

"Your brother showed his age and compassion are low."

"I would recommend against doling out punishment when it comes to your cake-making."

"Certainly don't ever make him another cake if the urge to work yourself so hard never strikes again, but telling him off and telling him no cake mixes the message."

"You deserve an explanation and an apology but dishing out permanent consequences aren't usually conversation starters."

"I would wait and see how he responds and if he ever puts you in such a position again."

"Don't make cake if it doesn't suit your limited energy level and time, but wait to see what comes of the conversation." ~ wildferalfun

"NTA, at BEST your brother is ignorant of your needs."

"But honestly, he's getting married at 20... he doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the tanning bed." ~ Gold_Statistician500

"NTA. Is your mother upset by how you were treated?"

"If so, it may be better if she and your side of the family read your brother the riot act before you speak to him."

"That way, he can realize that he messed up."

"If it only comes from you, he may try to downplay it or make excuses."

"In a comment, you mentioned that the bride's family planned the wedding."

"It is possible that they were not aware of the extent of your disability and failed to plan for proper accommodations."

"Even if your brother and SIL mentioned it to them."

"Unless you deal with family members who are disabled, it is easy to be unaware of their needs."

"I have become much more aware of how poorly designed public access is for wheelchair users since my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] started requiring one, and I take her to appointments." ~ PDK112

"Absolutely NTA."

"Heard this story firsthand from a wedding attendee."

"Feel horrible you had to go through this." ~ Saltysponge

Reddit is on your side 100 percent.

The fact that you were barely an afterthought is horrible.

Even if you hadn't made the cake they could've found ways to make the wedding accessible for you.

You have every right to be upset and never make them a cake again.

Good luck with the talk.