Wedding planning is never easy.
There are always issues with destinations, food, and plus ones.
The happy couple never gets to be fully happy all of the time.
And family can be the root cause.
Why does everybody get a say on the date?
Case in point…
Redditor Puzzled-Extent-8487 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA – I refuse to move my wedding date?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (34 F[emale]) got engaged to my fiancè (37 M[ale]) in September 2022.
“My sister (27 F) was getting married in summer 2023.”
“When I got engaged, I had my wedding date already picked for early summer 2024 and immediately told my family the date.”
“My sister is a photographer and so I warned her with plenty of notice to not book for that date.”
“I tried talking to her about my wedding planning, but she asked me not to talk to her about it because she just wanted to focus on hers only.”
“Fine, no big deal but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to plan mine.”
“This past October (2023), she asked me to remind her of the date.”
“When I told her, she said that she booked a wedding back in January for that date and asked me to move it.”
“I have said no because this date was properly planned out and picked for me and my fiancè.”
“I’m now being told it’s my fault, and clearly she’s not that important to me because I’m refusing to move my wedding date.”
“I see it the other way around.”
“Why wouldn’t she cancel her client in order to prioritize me?”
“I’m the oldest child of 4.”
“I never ask for anything, and this is the 1 thing I am holding fast on.”
“I am heartbroken that she won’t be there, but also extremely hurt that she is putting all the blame on me rather than accepting she also has control over her decisions.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I wrong? AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – your sister needs to add Calendar to her cell phone AND enter important dates there!!!”
“I tried talking to her about my wedding planning, but she asked me not to talk to her about it because she just wanted to focus on hers only.”
“This past October (2023), she asked me to remind her of the date.”
“When I told her, she said that she booked a wedding back in January for that date and asked me to move it.”
“Huh, is she real???” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454
“Your sister’s pi** poor planning is not your fault.”
“She runs a business, for goodness sake!!”
“She should at least have made a note of the date WHEN YOU FIRST TOLD HER!!!!”
“It’s not like you didn’t give plenty of notice!! NTA.” ~ Gypsyheartwanderer
“OP needs to 100% not engage in any discussion on this issue.”
“She’s set her date, and it’s for her sister to work out her problem.”
“OP should also find another wedding photographer.” ~ CaRiSsA504
“OP, You told your sister in September 2022!”
“WTF would she tell you to remind her later???”
“It’s a simple ‘mark on your calendar.'”
“There, that’s it, now go focus on your wedding!”
“Frankly, I cannot recall reading a post that presents a bigger crock of shit than sister is pulling here.”
“I say BULLS**T OP, and feel free to forward this to ‘Ms. Unprofessional I don’t give an F about your wedding sister.'”
“At a later time, she suggested not doing it because then she couldn’t attend… I mean WTF!”
“OP, DO NOT CHANGE YOUR DATE.”
“And I would NEVER allow your sister to photograph the wedding.”
“I seriously suspect she’d intentionally sabotage the film and photos.”
“If your family supports her, simply remind them when you set the date and advise you to tell your sister the date at the very same time.”
“If she wishes to attend, fine.”
“If not, go shoot the other wedding. Good luck.”
“Please keep us apprised.” ~ Tight-Shift5706
“NTA – stick to ‘my heart is broken that you won’t be there, but our wedding date was set long before you booked the clients, and it’s not flexible. Let me know if things change on your end.'” ~ catsndogspls
“100% this.”
“And, if she tries to guilt you, flip it to ‘I clearly told you what date it was back in 2022, and you blew me off. I’m sorry, but your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part. If you want to be part of my special day, I’m sure you will find a way to make it happen.'”
“Put the onus back on her entirely.” ~ lovetotravelanytime
“I bet there is no photography gig, and sis just doesn’t want to go but wants OP to be the bad guy and wants to be able to bi**h about it.”
“OP, if anyone blames you for not moving your wedding, tell them that your sister was told the date and decided she wanted to work instead.” ~ MelodramaticMouse
“And equally, I bet there is, she just wants OP to book her wedding for when she doesn’t have clients.
“It’s not that she doesn’t want to go, she just doesn’t want to make any personal sacrifices and she hasn’t internalized that the times other people want to get married are when her sister wants to get married.” ~ avcloudy
“NTA. She cares only about herself. Her wedding. Her job.”
“It’s reasonable to be able to write down a sibling’s wedding date.”
“Her failure to think of anyone but herself is not your problem.”
‘She’s projecting on you, claiming she’s not important to you when it’s obvious you aren’t important to her.”
“Continue planning your wedding.”
“Don’t give in to any whining from her or anyone else just so she can be there.”
“This is your day, not hers.” ~ FuzzyMom2005
“NTA. The comment from your sister about how she guesses she’s not that important to you is absolutely rich—considering she couldn’t be bothered to spare some mental bandwidth to hear how your wedding planning was going nor could she find the motivation to write down your wedding date as soon as you told it to her.”
“As a videographer myself, I make sure to write every single thing on my calendar.”
“I even write the days and times I’m meeting up with friends because I know if I don’t, I will accidentally double-book myself.”
“It honestly sounds like your sister only cares about herself and her own life but doesn’t want to admit it.” ~ Beneficial-Step4403
“NTA. Your wedding was already scheduled when she took the job.”
“You planned properly. She did not.”
“Why should you lose your deposits and venue that may not be available because she is irresponsible?”
“Is she going to cover your costs?”
“She can either cancel the job, miss your wedding, or find a substitute photographer for the job.” ~oaksandpines1776
“And sister 100% understands these deposits not just because she was just married but because if she’s booking weddings in advance like that, she’s using deposits for her clients to secure their date as a vendor.”
“It’s absolutely ridiculous just from a logistical perspective, let alone the hubris of ‘I can’t be bothered about the details of anyone else’s life because mine is so gosh darn important.'” ~ ErrantTaco
“Keep the date, find another photographer, move on.”
“It is her choice. She will not change her booking and not attend your wedding.”
‘If it was not this, it would be something else. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“I don’t think OP wanted her sister to be a photographer at her wedding.”
“She wanted her to be there as a family member.”
“The mention of photography is because sister would not be able to work elsewhere on OP’s wedding day.” ~ bythebrook88
“NTA. A reminder that you picked the date in 2022, you told her in 2022, and she chose to book a job in 2023 in the date in 2024.”
“She chose not to be available.” ~ Electronic_World_894
“NTA. She chose to book for that date.”
“She chose to keep the booking once she realized her mistake.”
“She chose not to attend your wedding.”
“I’m not sure where in her series of decisions you were supposed to be responsible.” ~ ghjkl098
“NTA. Maybe the two of you aren’t close, but I wouldn’t forget my sibling’s wedding date/month.”
“It just wouldn’t happen… lol.”
“I’d be double-checking before I ever accepted that booking if it sounded anywhere close to your wedding date, not having the audacity to tell you to move it after she already accepted. Like what?”
“It doesn’t seem like she ever cared all too much at any step along the way.”
If it’s her most VIP client ever, then she needs to make a decision and own that instead of making it your problem.” ~ savannahkellen
OP came back with an Update…
“Thank you everyone for your support.”
“I am not okay in all of this and never stand strong on anything.”
“And 9/10 usually cave in to give the family, what they want vs my own needs.”
“But, that’s boundaries, and that’s what I’m learning for myself.”
“To answer some questions…”
“When I first got engaged, she told me she wanted to photograph my wedding.”
“Then we talked about it and decided it wasn’t the best idea because she wouldn’t be able to be present at the wedding and would just be behind a camera the whole time.”
“I’m now being told that my mom and other sister agree with her and that I didn’t tell her until this past October, yet I have a family group text proving otherwise.”
“I’m staying strong.”
“I’m not moving my date.”
“But like I said, I’m just heartbroken that this is how it is turning out.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You need to stay strong!!
This is YOUR day.
You gave plenty of warning.
Good luck.