Weddings are expensive.
Even those who hope to have a “small wedding” still end up spending thousands of dollars when the time comes to pay for the venue, food, clothes, and everything else.
But as long as people can afford to do so, there’s nothing terribly wrong with spending a sizable amount of money on one day of your life.
Redditor SeriousBanana7181 and her fiancé were both very successful professionally, and with that in mind, decided to make their wedding an occasion to remember.
Something the original poster (OP)’s best friend was initially very excited to be a part of.
Until she learned just how much the wedding was going to cost and didn’t even attempt to hide her disapproval from the OP.
Wondering if she was being insensitive and extravagant, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for spending more on my wedding than my best friend’s husband makes in a year?”
The OP explained why her best friend was appalled by the amount of money she was spending on her wedding.
“I (24 F[emale]) and my best friend (25 F) have been best friends since we were 2.”
“Now after high school, I decided that I wanted to go and start my own business.”
“So I got a degree in business management while having a small business on the side.”
“After I finished my degree, my business.”
“I put all of my time, effort, and savings into growing it, which ended up being a very financially rewarding decision for me, as I now own a very successful business.”
“I met my fiancé (32 M[ale]) 4 years ago and we got engaged last year but decided to have a long engagement because I wanted to lose some weight, which he said I didn’t need to do but was completely supportive of.”
“My fiancé is an orthopedic surgeon, so we’re more than well off, especially as we have no plans to have children.”
“Now, after high school, my best friend was doing a degree in chemistry but dropped out after 2 years when she became pregnant.”
“I was there helping her out emotionally and financially throughout the whole of her pregnancy, as she decided she didn’t want to work through her pregnancy and wanted to become a SAHM, which I totally supported.”
“However, her husband works a 9-5 job in an office which pays enough for them to get by but not enough to live in luxury.”
“Because of this me and my fiancé try and help them out the best we can and always let them borrow money when they need it.”
“We helped them with the down payment on their house.”
‘However, now that we’ve started planning our wedding properly, we’ve got a beautiful venue, an open bar, live music, a 3-course meal.”
“I’ve got the perfect dress, we’re paying for all of the bridesmaids’ dresses and groomsmen’s suits, and we’ve got beautiful little gift hampers for each of the guests to take home, and overall we went all out because we can only have this day once.”
“Now, when I was talking to my best friend about this, who is also my maid of honor, she bought up possibly having the same venue for her wedding, which I thought was lovely but I didn’t know if they would be able to afford it.”
‘I didn’t say that though.”
“So, it was extra awkward when she asked about the price, so I told her, it’s around $32,000, and she went ballistic asking how much my whole wedding costs.”
“I really didn’t want to tell her but she ended up getting it out of me and she went crazy.”
“My whole wedding amounted up to about $72,000, which then sent her on a tangent of saying we’re so irresponsible spending that much money on 1 day, that her husband only earns $60,000 a year to support the three of them, and if she knew we had that much money to just throw around, she would’ve asked us for more when they were struggling financially earlier on this year.”
“She finished by saying that I’m a horrible friend for not helping her out more and that she was outraged that we thought it was okay to spend more money on 1 day then her family gets to live off in a year.”
“I don’t think I’m TA, but she’s been sending me messages about how inconsiderate I am.”
“So maybe I did go overboard and spend too much.’
“So AITA?”
“This amount of money on our wedding really didn’t put that big of a dent in our bank account due to the savings we have accumulated, and if we wished, we could’ve spent a lot more which I’m pretty sure my friend is aware of and it only adds to her anger.”
“We don’t live in a huge mansion or anything, just a moderately sized house in a nice neighborhood, and try not to flaunt our wealth or push it onto people.’
‘We never discuss it and try to digress if the subject is bought up.”
“We donate 10% of our combined earnings to various charities.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP should have no guilt for spending any amount of money on her wedding, and was in no way the a**hole.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s best friend was simply jealous, with many agreeing that she was taking advantage of the OP’s generosity.
“NTA.”
“She’s not treating you as a friend, she’s treating you as her bank account.”
“No one has the right to demand you spend your hard-earned money on them.”
“The entitlement of this woman is through the roof.”
‘At what point does she believe you became responsible for bankrolling her life?”
“If I was you, I’d take a long hard look at this ‘friendship’, followed by a huge step back.”- JustASW
“NTA.”
‘Wow, she is entitled.’
“Her finances are not your responsibility.”
“She has chosen to be a SAHM, and to not complete college.”
“These decisions have made her less financially stable, and that is completely on her.”
‘Frankly, it’s extremely kind of you to have helped them at all in the first place.”-Special_Respond7372
‘NTA.”
“She made the decision to be a stay at home mom.”
“You’ve gone beyond being a friend by financing her pregnancy.”
“She’s just jealous.”- jhercules
“NTA.”
“But please consider distancing yourself from this person.”
“She seems to feel entitled to your $$$.”
“You and your fiancé have worked for what you have.”
“It’s super nice of you to help when you can but I suggest you stop now.”
“Contributing to their down payment was a hugely kind gesture.”
“Instead of being appreciative, she wants more.”
“Not only that, but she doesn’t want you to enjoy the things you have worked to have.”-greekadjacent
“NTA.”
“You are going to get some comments about how you are an AH for spending that much, and as a tiny little socialist in my heart, I say go spend your money however you want!”
“I wouldn’t spend that much on a wedding, but it is your money and your day.”
“It is a once in a lifetime moment and sounds like a great party and you are picking up the costs of your wedding party as well.”
“Have the best day ever!”
“And even if you didn’t spend that much, why does your friend feel entitled to your money?”
‘She made financial choices- she could have worked, waited to have children, etc”
“That resulted in her current economic status.”
“It isn’t like her house burned down or some other tragedy happened.”
‘This is all in her control.”
“Of course, even with a tragedy you aren’t obligated to help, but this is even worse because she just…expects your financial support forever?”
“I’d cut her off entirely, honestly, since clearly, she views you as a piggy bank she should have access to, and not as a true friend.”
“When I was broke after finishing school, my friend had a similar wedding to what you described, and I was just…excited for her and happy to be a part of it because it wasn’t my money or my business.”- mfruitfly
The OP gave an update regarding her best friend’s involvement with her wedding.
“I’ve asked my friend to step down as the maid of honor.”
“I told her she is welcome to keep the dress and any other gifts we’ve given to the wedding party, but because of her reaction she is no longer a part of it.”
‘While I do sympathize with her situation, she’s not entitled to my financial success, nor is it my fault for her financial instability.”
“I really hope I wasn’t too harsh because she really did help me a lot over the past year with emotional support when I was having family troubles with my brother and mom.”
It’s sad the way money can divide people, just as it seemed to divide the OP from her best friend.
Maybe her best friend will offer the OP a sincere apology with enough time that she might be part of the wedding again.
But one can’t help but wonder if the OP’s wedding might be a happier day without her there.