Not all brides and grooms feel completely beholden to certain wedding traditions anymore.
Indeed, many outright veto the very idea of the bride’s father “giving her away”, tossing the bouquet and garter, or even traditional wedding attire.
Even so, this is a decision that is ultimately up to the bride and groom.
When a guest makes a pointed effort to break with certain known wedding traditions and customs, it’s safe to say that the happy couple might be a little less happy.
Redditor Human_Lifeguard_28 was growing increasingly concerned about her mother-in-law (MIL)’s somewhat over eager involvement in her wedding.
When the big day finally arrived, the original poster (OP) was furious to see that not only did her soon to be MIL ignore one of the biggest unspoken rules of wedding attire, but thoughtlessly inserted herself where she wasn’t welcome.
When she confronted her MIL and husband about this, both of them accused her of overreacting.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subRreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my MIL to get out of a photo of me and my husband were taking at my wedding?”
The OP shared the trouble her MIL caused for her on her wedding day:
I (29 F[emale]) was getting married to my now-husband (32 M[ale]), and my MIL(59) was invited to the wedding, of course.”
“I got a strange feeling because she continued trying to pick a wedding dress for me (when I had already picked one and said I did).”
“I brushed it off, as I was excited and all.”
“She also tried to get her son to pick a large, fancy cake (that was only 20% cake).”
“He said no, as I had told him we already made all the arrangements (music, decorations, clothing).”
“Fast forward, the day of the wedding, we had our ceremony and everything went great.”
“Food and service was amazing, had an artist draw me and my husband while we kissed.”
“I noticed my MIL to be wearing a white simple dress, and didn’t think much of it (even though I was a little upset).”
“To have context, she is the only one besides me wearing the color.”
“Later, when it was photo-taking time, I was going to take a photo with my husband.”
“We stood in front of the camera (we had no ‘official’ previous photos besides the kiss), but my MIL walked into the photo.”
“I told her politely to get out a little so me and my husband could take photos with the professional first.”
“She didn’t listen and stayed in any way, and my husband didn’t say anything.”
“I took one of our photos and photoshopped her out of it, as I didn’t have a chance to get a photo w him alone.”
“I posted it on my Instagram, and my MIL texted me.”
“She said I am disrespectful and family comes first through everything, but I said that it was MY wedding, and I understood that, but I wanted a photo with him alone, and she did not allow that.”
“My husband is upset with me for acting this way, saying I’m being dramatic.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her MIL not to invade her wedding photos.
Nearly everyone was alarmed by the overbearing nature of the OP’s MIL, with many expressing grave concern for the future of the OP’s marriage if her husband constantly took his mother’s side.
“NTA.”
“Your now husband should have told his mother to take a hike.”
“He also should have told her to go change into another color.”
“You now know how your husband is going to react throughout this marriage.”
“You’ve got some decisions to make.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“But I’m not really sure why you opted to get married to this guy, knowing that he was a mama’s boy from the beginning.”- lihzee
“It’s not too late for an annulment.”
“NTA.”- HootblackDesiato
“Oof.”
“His first wife vs. mom decision and he chooses mom.”
“NTA.”- jmbbl
“NTA at all.”
“Husband should have had your back.”
“At weddings, there are photos with the new couple only, photos with each partners’ parents and new couple, photos with siblings, with grandparents.”
“An entire laundry list.”
“MIL doesn’t get to be in all of them.”- KronkLaSworda
“100% NTA.”
“Not a single professional photo of just the bride and groom?”
“Girl, I would be fuming.”
“Your new husband sounds like a real momma’s boy.”
“I’ve never been married, but I’ve been to plenty of weddings and I know that a) nobody wears white and b) there’s a whole laundry list of photos that the photographer has to take, and that definitely includes some of just the newlyweds.”
“I’d be mad that she was disrespectful enough to wear white.”
“But even if you can look past that, I’d be hopping mad that she didn’t move her a** out of the way for the photos.”
“Sounds like you need to talk to your new husband about these issues and he needs to talk to his mom and make her aware that she crossed a line.”
“It won’t do any good if you try, it has to come from him.”
“She’s his mom, after all.”
“All I can say at this point is, good luck.”
“I think, sadly, you’ll need it.”
“If he can’t stand up for you on this, I hate to imagine what the future holds.”- JaneDoe_83
“NTA.”
“You deserve to have at least one photo of just you and your husband.”
“Your MIL was extremely disrespectful not to allow that at your wedding.”
“Your husband is also AH for not correcting his mother.”
“I’m guessing that he is her only child, or at least her ‘golden boy’.”
“She has spent his entire life making sure that whatever he does, it pleases her.”
“Yes, family comes first.”
“This will be a conflict for the rest of your marriage if your husband refuses to stand up for HIS family, which is now YOU AND HIM.”- 1962Michael
“NTA.”
“Unfortunately unless your husband grows a spine, this is your future.”- PeanutGallery10
“NTA.”
“But your issue here is your husband, not your MIL.”
“It’s his job to manage his family and he thinks you not wanting to take a couples photo – at your wedding – with your mother in law – makes you ‘dramatic’.”
“Good luck with that for the rest of your life.”- Brainjacker
“NTA.”
“You in trouble, girl.”- DinoSnuggler
“NTA.”
“I hope there’s still time for an annulment.”
“Get ready for a lifetime of your husband not sticking up for you and you coming 2nd to your Narcissistic MIL.”
“I hope you don’t want kids because she is going to take over every special moment for your kids.”
“She walked all over you for YOUR WEDDING with no defense from your husband.”
“I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life like that!”- Lady_Vader_
“NTA.”
“MIL was trying to usurp your wedding showing up in a white dress and horning in on the photos.”
“The fact your husband isn’t backing you up is the bigger issue.”
“You married a mommy’s boy.”- WholeAd2742
“NTA.”
“But you have a husband problem.”
“Your MIL turning up in white was already disrespectful, and she should have been asked to change.”
“Your husband should have backed you up when you wanted to take a picture.”
“Just know things won’t improve until you speak to your husband.”- HospitalCorrect9711
“Your MIL was really, literally, inserting herself in a place where she was not wanted.”
“I’m a bit surprised that the professional photographer didn’t tell her, politely–but firmly, to leave the frame.”
“So, you had a photo that was not what you wanted.”
“You made it what you wanted.”
“Ok, good for you.”
“If she wants to pull the respect card, you’ve got a couple of points to hit her with.”
“Wearing white to a wedding(?) really, who does that except those who chronically need the spotlight.”
“Imposing herself in a photo where she was asked no to.”
“As to being ‘dramatic’ or not… that all lies in the delivery.”
“Setting a boundary is only drama if the other person tries to invalidate it.”
“Respect goes both ways.”
“Best of luck in the future.”- ThinkingT00Loud
There were a few, however, who agreed the OP’s MIL was out of line but had trouble sympathizing with the OP for being aware of her husband’s ignorance but choosing to marry him anyway.
“So what I’m hearing is you went into this marriage knowing he’s a mama’s boy and are now complaining that his mama is controlling things.”
“Duh.”
“YTA for marrying this mess and expecting something different.”- SouthernTrauma
It is fairly alarming how blind the OP’s husband was to his mother’s overbearing behavior.
Making it hard to disagree with those who see trouble heading for this marriage.
Indeed, if the OP’s husband continues to ignore her concerns, one imagines their photo-bombed wedding photo will only be the beginning of their troubles…