Wedding planning can stress out even the calmest of people.
The day is meant to be perfect, but there is so much that can go wrong.
And there is much to do and plan before the day even arrives.
That’s why brides depend on their loved ones and their wedding party to pitch in and assist.
But even that invites drama of its own.
Case in point…
Redditor Firm_Tomatillo_6320 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for canceling my best friend’s bachelorette party after she ‘fired’ me as a bridesmaid?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a full-time student so I am currently living off student loans and what little hours I can work outside of school.”
“I have spent around $1K on my best friend’s wedding so far.”
“$350 on the bridesmaid’s dress, $350 on the flight home to attend the wedding as I’m away for school, and about $100 on the gift I sent for her bridal shower.”
“The M[aid] O[f] H[onoe] is currently very pregnant and is having a rough time.”
“She asked me to plan the bachelorette party. I agreed.”
“I planned it perfectly and had it as a surprise.”
“I messaged the other girls the plan.”
“When they all agreed, I went ahead and booked my idea.”
“I spent this on top of the $1K I spent earlier.”
“$400 on a limo to go bar hopping (the bride loves bar hopping), and I booked us a $700 AirBnB to crash in afterward.”
“As of right now the other bridesmaids did not chip in, this was out of pocket, but they said they would pay me back later.”
“About a month later, [me] and two other girls got kicked from the bridal party group chat along with a paragraph from the bride saying we were no longer invited because we weren’t ‘honoring her wishes.'”
“When asked, she didn’t answer what she meant or what we had done wrong.”
“Two days pass and she adds us back to the chat and apologizes saying she’s just stressed, we all talk about it and make up.”
“Yesterday, the same thing happened, except this time I’m the only one removed with a paragraph going off on me, telling me I’m not respecting her or her wishes, that she wishes she never invited me or asked me to be a bridesmaid.”
“When asked what happened or what I did wrong, again radio silence.”
“Today, she messages me apologizing saying she’s sorry for lashing out and that she’d like me there but not as a bridesmaid as it would make her ‘uncomfortable.'”
“And that I’m not allowed to wear the dress I had already bought as it’s a bridesmaid’s dress.”
“I told her I respectfully declined as I couldn’t afford another dress as I’ve already spent too much on this wedding and that I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable on her big day.”
“She then lashes out, telling me I should just take more from my student loans to buy a second dress.”
“So with that, I went and canceled the Airbnb and the Limo.”
“I told the other bridesmaids what had happened, and they agreed it was fair.”
“One of them must have told the bride about the secret bachelorette party.”
“She messaged me telling me I’m an a**hole and I’ve ruined her entire wedding as she now doesn’t have time to book a new bachelorette party in time.”
“And that she nor any of the other bridesmaids have the money or savings to book anything.”
“I also managed to get the refund for my flight, so really, I’m only out about $450 for a wedding I’m no longer invited to.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for canceling the party and getting the money back?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If your money is good enough but then suddenly you aren’t; you dodged a bullet.”
“Enjoy whatever new friends you go on a vacation with instead of spending ridiculous cash on this wedding from hell.” ~ Nickilaughs
“Okay. Is she threatened by you?”
“Does she perceive you to be more conventionally attractive?”
“Could that be a factor with the other friend, too?”
“Sounds like she’s got herself in a twist about the photos and not being the Fairest of Them All.”
“Whatever the reason, she’s treated you abominably.”
“I can’t believe how much money is being thrown around here – I would be well pissed off about $450.”
“NTA. She played herself. These were her choices.” ~ ShutUpMorrisseyffs
“A BIG NTA.”
“You were literally spending thousands of dollars for someone else’s wedding then on top of that wanted to fork out more money off of you even though it’ll put you in debt.”
“Good thing she showed herself early before you spent more for her than what she deserved and just got a (hopefully) cute dress out of it.” ~ xxyoshino
“Something is missing here that kept you hanging in there in the first place.”
“Has anyone ever told you what she meant by ‘respecting her wishes’ or her being ‘uncomfortable?'”
“When you ‘all talked about it’ the first time did anything make sense?”
“Nevertheless NTA.”
“Why is she comfortable spending your money on her party?”
“Why are the others still comfortable being in her party?” ~ Tiny_Shelter440
OP responded…
“Ah yes, I did not include this part, sorry! My bad.”
“So the first time she messaged us, she didn’t tell us nor explain what we were doing wrong.”
“When we first all discussed it, she said she just had a moment of panic and stress took over, and she said things she didn’t mean.”
“The most recent time she had told me she’d be uncomfortable due to the fact we had a ‘fight’ (the fight was her just removing me from the group chat and then cussing me out) she never told me what I wasn’t respecting her wishes on unfortunately.”
“But I will say she DID know she had a Bachelorette party, but the surprise was what it was going to be.”
“I have spoken to MOH since this post and she has said that the bride told her she just didn’t know how she felt about a ‘skinny’ girl next to her at the altar.”
Reddit continued…
“Hey OP, I suggest adding that last little bit about you talking to the MoH and her telling you the reasoning as an Update!”
“Also, you are NAH in this situation.”
“She kicked you out, and you aren’t going to pay for her party anymore because bachelorettes are the responsibility of the bridesmaids, which you are no longer.”
“Be happy you washed your hands off her now because I can’t imagine it would have been a very fun wedding as a bridesmaid if this was her BEFORE the actual wedding!” ~ ninjakat26
“Just reading the post and NTA in the slightest.”
“Reading your additional information re the bride’s reason for going ape.”
“YOU ARE REAAAALLLY NTA in the slightest.”
“Bride sounds like she’s just not an overall nice person.”
“Worth having a reflect and thinking back to whether she has done something along these lines to other people or maybe similar, just not as extreme to yourself because you probably will find she has and might be worth considering putting the Nikes on and running from that friendship as fast as you can.”
“Personally, based on her comments/reasons, I’d just sack off attending.”
“Yeah, it’s a bit of a loss on the dress cost, but you could take the time to get it amended and done up into something that’s useable for nice formal events.”
“Basically, make it a little less bridesmaid if needed. If not, bonus dress is ready for a nice formal event.”
“And keep the flight and make a visit home to see your family etc.” ~ Psych0panda2k13
“NTA. What I find funny, though, is that you planned and arranged the bachelorette party (which is basically only for the bride and her bridesmaids from what I know, I don’t know much, so forgive me if I’m wrong on this.”
“And then when she removed you as a bridesmaid, you canceled it (which you have every right to), and when she found out she went off at you and called you an a-hole for not deciding to continue to fund her party which might I add you wouldn’t even go to or participate in.”
“I’m sorry that this happened. She seems like an entitled snob, and it sounds like you dodged a bullet there.” ~ Prior_Blood_6293
“NTA- OP as others posted I think you got lucky here.”
“I doubt the others would have paid you back, and the chances are that the Bachelorette party was going to be a problem for many.”
“Somehow, I’m thinking if this Bachelorette party had actually happened, the bride may have ended up cheating on her fiancé during the bar hopping.”
“She seems to be very self-centered, and I can just see a post where ‘it’s my last party as single so I’m going to do what makes me feel better and find some guy for a last fling.'” ~ floridaeng
“NTA. I’m surprised your other friends didn’t seem able to fill you in as to what made the bride change her mind about you, seeing as how you seem to have no clue (even though you asked).”
“Very weird; let us know if you find out the back story.”
“I think anyone who tells you to take your student loan money and spend it on her wedding is super self-centered and not a friend.”
“Moreover, she sounds ignorant about how borrowing money and paying bills and stuff like that works.”
“Move on to better friends.”
“Also, learn to live within your means.”
“Right now, you are in school and budgeting.”
“So in these situations, be honest and just say you’d love to chip in the extra for (trip/AirBnB/fabulous wedding gift/whatever), but ‘X’ amount is beyond your budget right now.”
“Nothing to be ashamed about.”
“Real friends will understand and do their best to accommodate you.” ~ Robbes_Watch
“Send her the dress as a wedding gift.”
“Tell her you hope the dress lasts longer than her marriage.” ~ rocketmn69_
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It sounds like you made the best choice for yourself.
Stress or no stress, people don’t get to treat others that way without consequences.
Hopefully, for her own sake, the bride will calm down so she doesn’t alienate anyone else.
You stay focused on you.
Good luck.