Being asked to be part of a wedding is an honor for many.
But that honor can quickly tarnish when the preparations and details get going.
A lot of issues arise when it comes to what everyone is going to wear.
So is there a compromise in fashion choices when you're part of the wedding party?
Case in point...
Redditor throwaway5931474 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for telling my friend she's acting like a bridezilla because of bridesmaid outfits?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I've got some people telling me I'm in the wrong here, but I'm not sure."
"I've included pics because it's easier just to show you want they look like instead of describing each dress."
"My friend D is getting married, and she's chosen outfits for the bridesmaids."
"It's all matching and also goes with her wedding outfit."
"I'm not a huge fan of this outfit."
"I told D I think the fit is going to be weird on me, and I'd like to wear something else."
"It's still cultural, not a Western dress, and it'll still go with her wedding dress."
The bridesmaid first wanted to clue us into the dress she picked.
this is the outfit D chose for bridesmaids
this is similar to the outfit I want, just imagine it in a red shade instead of pink
this is very similar to D's wedding dress
"And I'd pay for the new outfit myself."
"D refused because she wants the outfits to be 'modest.'"
"I replied that there isn't anything that immodest about the outfit I chose."
"And I respect her religious beliefs, and she wants to be more modest, but I'm not a part of this religion myself."
"She still insisted no, even when I tried to compromise, and I said she was acting like a bridezilla."
"And if that's the case, I might be backing out as bridesmaid."
"Her response was 'okay, sure,' but she was snarky and got pissed."
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"One is like a crop top while the other is a one-piece and is absolutely more modest."
"I can't understand how you can't see the difference in the outfits."
"Besides, it's their wedding, not yours. They aren't being a bridezilla for wanting one outfit over the other."
"So if showing your midriff is more important than standing for your friend on their big day uuuuh... YTA." ~ queenofwasps
"Yeah. I was expecting to see the bride had chosen some monstrosity, but I found the bride's choice very beautiful and the sort of shape that should suit most people."
"The OP's alternative was plain weird."
"I'm Southern European, so wearing a midriff-baring bridesmaid dress would be a very big no-no for me."
"But maybe in her culture, it's acceptable?"
"In any case, it is not modest like the bride has requested and would look out of place next to everyone else." ~ blackbirdonatautwire
"Right? It goes even further than what I would consider acceptable deviation for a maid of honor dress, which sometimes is different than the rest of the bridesmaids."
"It's also not complimentary to the bridesmaids' gowns, either."
"And while it's complimentary to the bridal gown, I'd say it's too similar."
"Like. An 'immodest' version of the bridal gown, almost."
"I know Indians have a different view on showing up the bride than Americans or other westerners."
"But... This seems tacky and deliberate."
"I'm very curious if OP wanted or had something with the groom at some point."
"This comes off, to me, similarly as a M[other] I[n] L[aw] wearing black, or that one post a bit back where the ex-wife literally came to the wedding in a red wedding gown." ~ apri08101989
"Seriously. Option one is a clear blending of Indian and European styles."
"It looks like a full ball gown, which is in line with the bride's dress."
"OP wants a more casual, beachy dress with her midriff showing."
"The two are completely different styles and tastes."
"OP is a blind AH." ~ greentea1985
"I clicked on the pictures expecting them to be at least somewhat similar (to maybe sort of justify OP's claim that her friend was a bridezilla)."
"I literally laughed out loud when I opened OP's preferred dress because, OF COURSE, the bride can say no to that, especially when she is looking for modest attire."
"OP, YTA. Big time."
"Do the bride a favor and drop out of the wedding." ~ snarkycrocheter
"OP's main point is that the OG dress that the bride picked would look funny on them."
"They are both A-line style dresses."
"They would look basically the same besides so much more skin showing."
"It is a ridiculous argument based on the style of the two dresses."
"OP YTA, and wear the dang dress the bride picked or opt-out." ~ IndigoTJo
"Not just this, but it's like OP got all excited being in an Indian wedding, thinking she could wear a sexy dress, and is pissed that she doesn't get her opportunity to appropriate the culture she imagined when she committed to being a bridesmaid."
"There is such a vast difference between the dresses."
"OP YTA for so many reasons."
"But most importantly for choosing appearance over friendship and then trying to shame her into relenting on her reasonable preference."
"Drop out. You do not deserve to be in her wedding party as you are not a real friend." ~ HuntWorldly5532
"So it all depends on which religion OP's friend is."
"At my wedding, the two-piece leghna choli would have been appropriate as I am Hindu."
"But at my friend's weddings (one is Sikh and the other is Muslim), I know the one-piece gown would been the appropriate outfit."
"This being said, the bride is well within her right to choose which outfit she wants for her bridesmaids and is paying for the outfits by the sounds of it."
"OP is being disrespectful of the bride's wishes and sounds very self-centered. YTA." ~ Honest_Donut_9868
"One has full stomach and sleeve coverage and is made of a much more formal looking material- a beaded mesh or lace- not a casual floral print."
"It's very different in material and cut."
"Aside from that, if OP isn't from the culture, they don't know what subtleties matter a lot (nor do I, but I know there are subtleties in my culture that matter a lot)."
"The bridesmaid dresses also look a lot like the brides but without gold, where the newly selected outfit just looks Indian inspired in the correct color scheme, but has a very different vibe."
"Again, in a much more casual cut and fabric."
'It would stand out in the worst way if the other bridesmaids wear the bride's preferred dress."
"It's kind of insulting to insist they're the same level of modest."
"If cost or actual body type was more of an issue (like extremely busty girls not being able to wear unsupportive garments), OP may have had an argument."
"Lots of brides do get a bit unreasonable."
"But just not liking something?"
"Plenty of people wear something less than flattering to make their friend happy on their big day."
"And if this level of modesty is expected by the friend's guests from her culture, she may be saving OP from a lot of discomfort by insisting she wears something more modest."
"Looking at the bride's dress, she seems to be keeping to the same kind of cut, formality, and modesty level, so there's not even an argument that she's trying to dress her friends uglier or less flattering to look better." ~ notthedefaultname
"Also, the suggested bridesmaids' dress is very like the bride's dress in style except for the lack of ornamentation that provides visual contrast."
"Meanwhile, OP's suggested bridesmaid dress is very like the bride's dress in color and ornamentation, but not in style, creating visual confusion/competition with the bride." ~ Normal-Height-8577
"Girl. No. YTA."
"You are a bridesmaid, and you will wear the most hideous puffy-sleeved, poorly fitting, unflattering dress on the planet if that is what the bride picks."
"That is your job."
"This is not your wedding."
"She gets what she wants for the bridesmaid's dresses." ~ Top-Butterfly-9582
"There are plenty of women who follow Islam who wear sarees."
"There's also a way to drape them so that they are still modest and don't show any skin."
"And many Hindu women also like to be covered too."
"In fact, there is a story about Draupadi in the Mahabharata where someone tries to strip her of her clothes in court to humiliate her."
"But she prays to Krishna, and no matter how many lengths of the saree are unraveled from her body, more and more material replaces it, maintaining her modesty and keeping her covered."
"OP just sounds like she is attention-seeking rather than anything else, and she needs to get over herself. YTA OP." ~ Jigglypuff-n-stuff
"How is she being a bridezilla for picking out the dress she wants for her bridesmaids? YTA." ~ QueenOfTheSnarkness
"YTA. If you can't see that those two dresses are VASTLY different, you should have your eyes checked."
"It's her wedding. It isn't supposed to be about you."
"I'd hope the friendship means more to you than the dress." ~ LexGuy12
OP, Reddit is not really feeling your response or your dress selection.
Not your day. Not your choice.
It may be time to evaluate which is more important: your fashion or your friend.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.