People are allowed to indulge in innocent activities that make them happy.
It feels like there is so little to be happy about these days.
Everyone needs to grab the joy wherever they can.
So why do others feel the need to try and sully that joy?
Case in point...
Redditor throwaway47757954325 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for calling my brother an 'insecure, testicle grabbing, chauvinist man-baby' over his comments about my wife’s makeup?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"That’s the actual quote."
"I’m still pis*ed as hell but maybe I went too far here."
"My brother and I are both late 30s."
"We get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations."
"He says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc."
"He just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation."
"Our wives are best friends."
"They talk almost everyday on FaceTime."
"My wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup."
"She’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore."
'"But she got some as a gift for Christmas and decided she wanted to get more."
"Apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good s**t."
"Anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month."
"Buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly I don’t know what I’m talking about."
"She looks great all the time."
"She’s gorgeous without makeup."
"She’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun."
"I tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub."
"I think it’s cute and funny."
"My brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat."
"He called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on FaceTime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes."
"I tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way."
"But he got more aggressive about it so I ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing."
"He’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business."
"But I think I might be the a**hole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned."
"I want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): No, I haven’t asked my wife why."
"She’s recently started wearing more makeup and I’m not going to because I think asking is f**king rude."
"She’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby."
"I’m not going to be the d*ck that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it."
"It makes her happy so I assume that’s why she’s doing it."
"Asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion."
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. When I wear makeup, I do it for me."
"No my husband or any other man. Me."
"Many women are the same way."
"Your brother jumping to 'she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again' is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down."
You sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means."
"Keep it up." ~ MistressOfNecropolis
OP responded...
"See this is how I generally assume women are about makeup."
"Thanks for validating that."
"I tried to point out to my brother that a lot of what she’s doing isn’t even 'sexy' makeup."
"It’s more... theatrical?"
"I don’t know, it looks like face art to me."
"Sometimes it’s really pretty."
"Three days ago she was a drag king with a glitter beard."'
"Whatever I just think she’s having fun and I like it."
Reddit continued...
"Have you made your wife aware that your brother and mom are making these accusations?"
"If not I’d tell her though because she deserves to know before he goes too far and says something to her or his wife tells him."
"If you don’t tell her now it could be misconstrued that you think the same thing that you didn’t tell her and weren’t open about it."
"Make her aware you know she’s not doing anything and are on her side but she deserves to know." ~ italy2986
OP responded...
"Ok so this question opens up a whole can of other stuff."
"First, my mom doesn’t think she’s cheating at all."
"She just asked if I knew exactly why the makeup thing."
"As for my brother, this isn’t the first time he’s thought my wife was cheating for no reason."
"My brother has some extremely stupid views about women in general."
"Some of it is where/how we were raised but he must have come up with a bunch of this crap independent of that."
"To put it frankly, my wife is approximately 1 billion times hotter than I am."
"We have a ton in common and there’s a million reasons why we’re a good match for each other."
"But for some reason my brother latched onto this hot-woman-bad thing from the beginning."
"Which is idiotic because HIS wife is also really good looking."
"Maybe it’s a fear of his that he’s projecting, I don’t know."
"But he’s made comments about it in the past. In front of my wife once which did not go well."
"Anyway, she knows he’s sometimes like this."
"She usually just calls him, tells him she loves him, she loves me and tells him to stop being an a**."
"Which is nice of her, but stupid that she’s had to do it more than once."
"I may tell her but I’m not in a hurry."
And Reddit went on...
"I’m sure your wife is a strong self sufficient woman and I’m sure she’ll tell you that she doesn’t need you protecting her."
"She deserves to know what’s being said about her and a right to defend herself."
"Don’t make her seem weak by keeping her out of the loop."
"Let her be the strong woman I’m sure she is and I’m sure will finish the argument once and for all." ~ italy2986
"Good on you OP!"
"I really dislike the mentality that any actions by a woman are motivated by attracting men."
"Why would I spend $$$ on good makeup to attract a man who can't tell a cut crease from a winged liner?" ~ sansense
"Granted I don’t know your wife but this reads to me like a woman who once got to play with fashion and make up on a regular basis."
"And those things make her happy, who then got married, had kids and got consumed by life."
"And then, by chance and a lucky gift, during this long and stressful year for so many of us, something reminded her of the joy and creativity and sense of self she got from make up."
"And she decided that she liked feeling all that and decided to rediscover herself again."
"And tada. Your wife is in make up and pjs."
"I’m sorry your brother’s wife had to live with such an insecure partner but love that your wife gets someone as respectful and loving as you."
"You were a little over the top, but you asked him to stop and he wouldn’t back down. NTA." ~ LimitlessMegan
"It’s strange to me how makeup-as-a-hobby gets misconstrued in so many situations."
"Like you and so many people have said: it’s an art!"
"That’s true whether you’re doing theatrical-type, face-painty makeup OR just learning how to contour to manipulate facial features."
"It’s a skill and a creative outlet."
"It’s a lot like... making your own clothes, actually."
"But nobody who is learning how to knit a sweater is being accused of trying to show off their sweater puppies so they can cheat on their spouse." ~ tarynevelyn
"Oh jeez, I’d love/hate to hear what kind of conspiracy theory your brother would come up with about the glitter beard."
"Men like your brother are just basic misogynists to be honest."
"They don’t think women have any internal life or interests that don’t feed back into some economy of male attention and wealth."
"That’s why they try to read everything into what we do like wartime code breakers, they see us as the enemy rather than simply asking and believing the answer."
"You resorted to ad hominem to someone who (I guess) is trying to look out for you."
"But still, some people deserve it. NTA." ~ TheBaddestPatsy
"NTA. You warned him, he didn't listen and you had to bring out the brotherly big guns to shut him down."
"I've got to say that I'm currently at home all the time too and I'm still wearing full make up almost every day."
"It gives me a sense of normality and lets me feel less of a shut-in."
"On the odd day I do go bare faced I definitely feel more blergh by the end of the day."
"How about arranging an evening one night a week where your wife gets to dazzle you with her make up skills?"
"You deal with the kids and get them to bed early while she gets made up/puts on a nice dress before sitting down to a meal together."
"It doesn't even matter if you get a takeout delivery, just have some time when the lights are low."
"The music is smooth and suitable for a slow dance around the living room and she gets to feel like a beautiful woman you know she is rather than just a mum who is stuck inside all day." ~ MadamKitsune
Well OP, Reddit understands your reaction.
Hopefully this situation doesn't fester.
Maybe a hard, honest, calm chat is needed.
Good luck.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.