Dating the ex of someone close to you is always a delicate issue.
For even if you’re given their blessing, you simply never know how this friend really feels about your becoming romantically involved with someone who was once a major part of their life.
It gets even more complicated with siblings, and Redditor 7199271hid was less than thrilled when his brother asked if he could ask his ex-wife out on a date.
Concerned that he overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**HOLE” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting my brother to bring my ex-wife out to dinner as a thank you?”
The OP first expressed how much he still loves his wife, and the pain their divorce has caused him.
“I’m 31 m[ale] and my ex-wife is 29 f[emale].”
“Hands down the best woman I have ever met in my life.”
“She has such a pure heart and she is filled with nothing but good.”
“It’s been a cold and miserable 2 years without her and Lord knows I miss her so much.”
The OP then revealed some family drama which took a significant toll on his mental health, heavily contributing to what led to his divorce.
“In 2018 my brother was wrongfully convicted and sentenced to 26 years in prison.”
“His wife filed for divorce and terminated his parental rights within the first month.”
“He lost everything.”
“This absolutely destroyed me mentally.”
“He protected me as a child and all the way through our teens while in foster care and I felt like I had to protect him the same way.”
“I spent thousands on lawyers.”
“Checked myself in to therapy. “
“Tried getting on meds for my depression that was severe.”
“I barely spoke.”
“I shut my wife out.”
“I tried so hard to fake being happy and I couldn’t.”
“She knew me well enough too so she knew.”
“And I watched it slowly destroy her.”
“One night I heard her just crying.”
“Like sobbing, hyperventilating and it f*cking killed me and I just knew I couldn’t do that to her anymore.”
“I told her she deserved better and walked.”
“She refused to sign divorce papers.”
“Said ‘You’re gonna get better and you’re gonna come back to me where you belong.’
“But we haven’t spoken since March 2021.”
“I saw her at the grocery and it felt like I lost her all over again when she stopped hugging me.”
Fortunately, the OP’s brother soon found his life changed very much for the better, but in his celebration, he made a request which the OP did not appreciate.
“Now by some miracle all evidence was reviewed 4 months ago and they found my brother innocent of all charges last week.”
“I picked him up 3 days ago from prison.”
“One of the best f*cking days of my life.”
“So my mom texts me an address and tells me to bring my brother there.”
“When we arrive to this cabin mom hands my brother the keys and says ‘Mel built this for you’.”
“Mel is my wife.”
“Apparently she started the project a year and a half ago, after our separation.”
“She left a note to me saying ‘I knew you could do it, Love M’.”
“My brother starts saying he wants to bring her out on a date to thank her and I just lost it a little.”
“Told him I was not comfortable with that.”
“He argued that I let her go and had no right to be a possessive a** hole (AH).”
“Ma says that Mel dropped the keys and the note off the morning I picked up my brother.”
“AITA?”
The OP also clarified his brother had long expressed interest in his wife even before they had separated.
“My wife and my brother had no contact while he was in prison.”
“She told my mother she did this for me.”
“I’m not saying Mel cannot go out and date whomever.”
“I would never.”
“It’s my brother that I have a problem with.”
“He’s made passes at her multiple times when I first started dating Mel.”
“She was never comfortable with his advances.”
“And the first thing he wants to do after getting out of prison is date my wife?”
“He hasn’t even asked about his kids.”
“That’s why I have a problem.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors were all in agreement the OP was definitely not being an a**hole for his reaction towards his brother.
But the majority of Redditors seemed to agree the OP’s reaction was because he and his wife clearly still love each other and he should immediately get to work on fixing their marriage.
“Are you trialling a plot for a Hallmark Movie here, or what?”
“How bout you double down on your therapy and then start having a conversation to work things out with the woman you love, who it seems still loves you, instead of having spats with your brother.”
“You did leave her, dude, so if you’re so broken about that maybe work on resolving it instead of avoiding it?”- Left-Car6520
“Oh who cares if your brother is being TA or not?”
“Your ex wife is still in love with you.”
“Go fix that shit and get her back!”- Great_Clue_7064
“Contact your wife and tell her how sorry you are and see if she wants to try again.”
“It’s awful growing up in Foster Care & that’s probably why you shut her out.”
“You deserve to be happy.”
“You are a good person and you deserve to have good things in your life! “
“See if you can get your marriage back on track!”- Southern_Hamster_338.
“I would definitely say that your brother is in the wrong here.”
“He at least should’ve included you in the invite to the ‘thank you’ dinner.”
“Did your ex-wife find this invite appropriate?”
“If you still have this fondness for your wife, try to mend fences.”-1s9g9s8
“Go and fight for your wife.”
“By this I mean to talk to her and see of you can mend the gap and repair your relationship.”
“You can’t live unless you let go of those things that get in the way of living your life.”
“Stop making excuses so you can be happy.”
“And she can too.”-Leather-Anybody-5389
Indeed, it looks like there might be two happy endings in the fairly tumultuous life of the OP.
Here’s hoping that he and his wife will reunite, and come back all the stronger together.