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Parent Lashes Out After Brother Gets Son A Nose Job For Graduation Without Their Permission

Georgiy Datsenko/GettyImages

What a person does with their body is their choice.

Well… at least for now.

That choice is meant to be related to any body issue.

Including cosmetics.

Who decides who can change a nose?

Case in point…

Redditor Due-Eggplant-6702 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for banning my brother from family events after he paid and took my son for a nose job?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My son is 18 and always had an issue with his nose.”

“Okay, it’s slightly hooked but it’s not ugly or causing problems.”

“He asked for money to get a nose job.”

“I said no. His mom said no.”

“My brother was very tight with him and promised him the best graduation present ever.”

“We were thinking an oscillating fan or a gift card.”

“I thought nothing of it.”

“He got him a nose job.”

“It was this big secret that I didn’t know.”

“He actually lied about being at his mom’s and lied to her about being at my house then saying he was at his friend’s when he was at my brother’s for a week after the procedure.”

“When I saw my son, he looked like he’d been slugged in the face.”

“I thought he was joking when he said he got his nose job.”

“My brother said he did nothing wrong, just did what me and his mom couldn’t do and paid for it.”

“And I should just accept it because our son is not a little kid.”

“It’s as if I don’t recognize my son.”

“My son says he’s ‘happy’ with it but it’s not even close to being healed.”

“I feel so betrayed that I banned my brother from coming over.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“‘best graduation present ever’… You know …like an oscillating fan… just for this comment alone YTA.”

“Also, it doesn’t matter that you think it wasn’t causing problems for him, he obviously thought it was for him.”

“Your brother listened and you didn’t, so you don’t get to be mad at your brother.”  ~ msmith730

“Yeah OP YTA, your son is 18 and now legally an adult so he doesn’t need your permission anymore.”

“If he wants to tattoo he’s face blue that’s on him.”

“If he doesn’t like he’s nose, he can get a nose job.”

“But props for your brother for listening to your son who said he disliked something about himself for a long time and wanted to do something about it and helping him.” ~ Christinemfm_84

“OP said mom said no to the nose job as well which is probably why he feels justified and righteous in his anger with his brother.”

“Instead of reflecting and noting said brother was actually a rockstar and dad needs to kick rocks. YTA, OP.”  ~ Wyndspirit95

“As a recipient if a nose job at the age of 16 (almost 40 years ago), YTA.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think of his nose, it matters what he thought of his nose.”

“The fact that your brother had to hide it from you indicates your stubbornness, as opposed to your inability to pay.”

“Nonetheless, refusing to pay is fine, but thinking that your decision binds your adult son is wholly inconsiderate and selfish.”

“And at one week out, the way he looks is perfectly normal and expected.”

“And I can’t even explain how much better I felt about myself after the transformation.”  ~ 1biggeek

“You are so right!”

“Aside from the weird oscillating fan thing, what really stuck out to me is this 18 year old went under the knife without telling his parents.”

“I can’t imagine going into surgery and not having my mom there for me.”

“It’s also weird he says ‘it’s like I don’t recognize my son.'”

“I don’t understand why he is taking this personally.”

“If OP is upset about anything it should be that his son doesn’t trust him or his wife with the important moments of his life.”

“So sad for that child.”  ~ OldAd6195

“I’m caught up on the fact that OP openly acknowledges that his son has been unhappy with his nose for years.”

“Yet is upset that his uncle helped him feel better about himself by getting him plastic surgery.”

“An adult. A high school graduate.”

“A guy who has expressed his misery over this nose for years.”

“Also, the oscillating fan part… OP, YTA.” ~ AbbreviationsPlus654

“I mean kinda YTA.”

“Yes your brother should’ve at least spoken to you or given you a heads up, but your son is 18.”

“He can vote, leave home, get married, join the army, get a tattoo, and get a nose job.”

“He’s happy with it & it will heal so chill on that.”

“Also I want to ask, who on earth thinks an oscillating fan is the ‘best’ graduation gift?”  ~ Holmes221bBSt

“Look it’s fine that you don’t want your son to modify his body and are upset by it.”

“But at the end of the day it was his choice.”

“YOU were not ‘betrayed.’ This is not a betrayal.”

“This was the act of a consenting adult who made a choice on his body and doesn’t the opinions of his mommy to do it.”

“Besides your son isn’t gonna give up his uncle, so your bro is still gonna be part of your life in some way or other.”

“YTA and have more faith in your son.”  ~ Tis-but-a-scratch-yo

“YTA. So your brother, an adult, took your son, another adult, for a cosmetic procedure which is perfectly legal and something your son (the adult) wanted.”

“You want to lose your son AND your brother? Keep this up.” ~ CatJudgement

“An oscillating fan or a gift card? Really?”

“Those would fall under the best graduation gifts ever?”

“YTA. Your kid is an adult and has graduated.”

“He can have his nose done is he chooses to.”

“His uncle listened to him and made him more comfortable with himself.”

“You should be thanking your brother.” ~ sheramom4

“YTA. You know what my dad said to me when I told him I hate my nose and want a nose job at 16?”

“He sat me down, explained to me that my face has both bones and muscles and my bones are growing faster.”

“They would stop growing at around 18 and my face muscles still grow until I’m 23-24.”

“He told me changing my nose might make it look too small or weird after my face is its full size.”

“Then he reassured me he would get me one if at 24 I still wanted it.”

“Never got a nose went about it the wrong way and now are going about it the wrong way again.”

“He is an adult and he can decide for himself.”  ~ Bakecrazy

“Glad someone mentioned this.”

“OP is for sure the AH but at 18 you’re not settled into your adult appearance yet.”

“I wouldn’t care if my kid wanted a nose job.”

“But I wouldn’t want them to need a second nose job just a few years after the first.”  ~ twirlerina024

“YTA. You’re not mad that he got a nose job.”

“You’re mad that you didn’t have the financial control of whether he got the nose job.”

“You’re mad that he ‘went against your wishes’ even though he’s 18 and didn’t need your permission for the surgery… point blank period.”

“You ignored his issues with his nose and lacked the empathy and understanding that your brother had for your son.”

“If he says he’s happy then that’s all that should matter to you.”

“But instead you’re making his happiness about yourself and your feelings.”

“You do not own your son’s body… he can do whatever the hell he wants with it once he’s of age.”


“And you’re b**ching about something that’s already done.”

“Don’t come back on here talking about you don’t understand why your son moved in with your bro and doesn’t mess with you because this attitude is why.”

“Did you ever actually speak to your son about why he wants the nose job other than shutting him down?”

“Your responses tell me no.”

“One grown person does not need permission over another grown person’s body.”

“Is he your property?”

“Because that’s how you’re sounding.”

“You do not own his body.”



“IT’S NOT YOUR BODY.”  ~ amw38961

“He had ZERO business doing what he did without asking me for permission”

“YTA. Are you even listening to yourself?”

“Your son is 18.”

“He doesn’t need your permission for anything.”

“And quite frankly, I think you should be thanking your brother for actually listening to your son rather than dismiss his largest insecurity.”

“And laying claim over his body like you’re even remotely entitled to do so.”

“Get over it and apologize to your son and brother for making what should have been a very exciting day for your son all about you.”  ~ SimplyDrayus

Well OP… sounds like Reddit feels you have a lot of thinking to do.

If your son is happy, why make him miserable?

Maybe it’s time for a family chat.

Good luck.