Keeping a harmonious relationship with your roommates is always a delicate balance.
Particularly when your roommates are your brother and his girlfriend, as was the case with Redditor Late-Jury-2959.
Things became even more complicated when the girlfriend’s four-year-old daughter began eating the Original Poster (OP)’s food without her permission.
The OP turned to the subReddit Am I the A**hole (AITA), asking fellow redditors:
“AITA for getting mad at my brother’s GF for letting her kid eat my food?”
The OP first filled fellow redditors in on her living situation with her brother, and how that changed when his girlfriend moved in.
“For context, my brother (26/Male (M)) and I (22/Female (F)) have lived in the same apartment for 3-ish years.”
“It was a mutual decision and we split the cost of everything, 50-50. He earns more than I do, but the split cost is okay with me.”
“His girlfriend (GF) (24/F) started living with us almost a year ago, and her kid (4F, not with my bro) comes to stay with us sometimes.”
“This was not discussed at all, and while I don’t really like kids, I don’t generally mind having her around. “
“His GF doesn’t share with the bills, she pitches in when she can and does her share of chores and cooking.”
“So here’s the thing.”
“I work night shifts remotely.”
“I buy snacks so I have something to munch on to keep me awake at night.”
“My brother’s GF also stocks up on food for her kid, and this is generally classified as just for the kid.”
“Nobody is allowed to touch it, not that any one would steal food from the kid in our house.”
“I also keep my own stash of cookies and the like in our common area, as I don’t want to attract ants in my room.”
“The problem is, her kid sometimes wants to eat my food.”
“If I am there and they ask, I do share some.”
“But I budget my stash so I have enough til my next grocery run.”
The living arrangement became somewhat more complicated when the OP started noticing her private stash grow smaller and smaller.
“However, recently, I’ve noticed that my food gets depleted real fast even though I’ve been eating less.”
“Again, I really don’t mind sharing as long as people ask.”
“I asked my brother if he’s been taking my food, but he says he hasn’t.”
“He did tell me that the kid prefers my cookies to what her mom gives her, so the mom has been giving her mine.”
“I confronted his GF and asked that they ask my permission next time before consuming my food.”
“They both got mad at me, saying I shouldn’t be so selfish and just share with the kid.”
“Am I the a**hole here?”
“It is just food, but it’s been my only indulgence since my budget is tight.”
Fellow redditors voted on where the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP, agreeing she was not the a**hole in this situation.
Many agreed it was unfair of the brother’s girlfriend to reserve a selection of food exclusively for her daughter and somehow think it was fine to take the OP’s food without asking.
“NTA.”
“I’d have a very frank convo with her and bro and say ‘I’m not a free grocery service for you and your kid.”
“I do not take your food, so do not take mine.”
“And since this problem has popped up, I’m now reminded you and your kid are over here using utilities and space that my brother never cleared with me, so let’s talk your contribution to the household and ground rules for you staying here” – 28Improved
“NTA.”
“Sharing means that she should be sharing also.”
“She isn’t.”
“You would somehow be seen as completely out of line for taking her son’s snacks but it’s somehow completely expected that you happily surrender yours?”
“No.”
“It’s almost comical that you are labeled as ‘selfish’ when it’s his girlfriend that is leaching off of you.”
“It’s time to lock up your cookies so the thieving girlfriend can’t steal them.” – DannyBigD
“NTA.”
“They shod have asked before taking your food.”
“If it was some kind d of emergency and you haven’t been around – they should have told you later and apologized.”
“They are not entitled to just take your stuff and call it sharing.”
“Also: why can’t she just buy the cookies herself?”
“You’re right to be angry.” – nerdiesthomemaker82
Some expressed how they felt the OP’s brother was also taking advantage of her by splitting rent and bills 50/50 in spite of the fact that the OP makes less money than her brother.
“NTA first up, why are you paying 50% when this is clearly a 3 way flat share now?”
“Also, why doesn’t the kids mom just buy the same cookies you do, then theres no need for them to pinch yours.”
“There are being unreasonable but like wrongdoers everywhere they need to blame you so that they don’t feel bad about themselves.”
“Get a better, more robust cookie jar that repels ants, and take it into your room.” – boglyric
The OP clarified some things about their living situation in the comments section, explaining why she isn’t particularly bothered by the fact her brother’s girlfriend doesn’t contribute to rent or bills.
“She doesn’t have a stable job right now because of the pandemic.”
“That’s the reason why she moved in.”
“She does a lot of the chores, since I sleep a lot during the day due to work schedule and can’t help much outside of my days off, so I count that as her contribution.”
But even with that newfound information, redditors still took the OP’s side and felt her brother should be responsible for all of his girlfriend’s expenses.
“Then your brother should be paying her portion, it shouldn’t fall on you to subsidize their life.” –lady_k_77
“OP honestly that’s irrelevant.”
“Your brother should cover her cost if she can’t herself as he invited her into your shared space.”
“I’m also guessing she’s not on the lease either?”
“You need to talk with your brother that you both equally share and are responsible for the flat and this is not what you both agreed to upon deciding to live together.”
“He needs to pay more as there is another adult living there full time not even considering her child.”
“The bills are not being split equitably and it’s unfair to you and your finances.”
“Get a mini fridge to keep items you don’t want to shared in your room.”
“NTA” – Cultural_Piglet_9732
Indeed, it is rather surprising the girlfriend didn’t seem to think she needed to ask if her daughter could eat the OP’s food, when her daughter’s food was off-limits to everyone else.
Something redditors noticed immediately.
Here’s hoping they can all reach an understanding and find that harmonious balance.