It’s important to be adaptable.
As we’ve all learned since March of 2020, life is unpredictable, and we can see our immediate future change in the blink of an eye.
Every so. often, we might find ourselves having to delay a vacation we’d been planning for years, or skip a concert we were really looking forward to owing to life throwing a wrench in our plans.
When these situations involve our friends and family, we’d like to think they would be understanding of our need to cancel.
This certainly wasn’t the case for the boyfriend of a recent Redditor, who was less than thrilled when she abruptly canceled accompanying him on a trip to visit his parents.
Particularly upsetting the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend was the fact that this cancellation was owing to a dog.
Wondering if she had made a mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for cancelling my trip to see my boyfriend’s parents last minute.”
The OP explained how some newfound information from a friend of hers prompted her to cancel accompanying her boyfriend on a trip to visit his parents.
“My (29 F[emale]) boyfriend (32 M[ale]) of over a year, has been planning a trip for us to visit his family since June.”
“This was planned to last over a week, and it will also be my first time meeting them since they live out of the country.”
“We were both excited, but the night before our trip, when I called my best friend (28 F) to confirm she can water my house plants, I found out her dog died.”
“Now I know a pets death hits everyone hard, but this dog meant everything to her.”
“She has been through a lot with her and her dog was the only family she had left, so needless to say the loss of her dog is extremely hard on her. Incidentally, she also has issues letting people close to her, so I am the only one who is close enough to console her in this time.”
“She tried to pretend that she was okay, but she has never been able to hide her feelings from me, so it was obvious she needed/wanted me there but was having trouble asking.”
“When I told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t be able to go with him to see his family he was upset, which to a degree I understand, but he made it into me valuing my relationship with her over mine with him.”
“From my perspective I couldn’t abandon her in her time of need, and that even if I did I wouldn’t be mentally present during our trip.”
“However when I told him that he expressed that in doing so I am abandoning him, and that I need to go since that has been a long standing plan.”
“We argued for a while longer, before I got fed up of us both saying the same things over and over again, so I just told him the bottom line is this is something I need to do, not just for her, but for my own peace of mind.”
“He couldn’t accept that so we ended up parting on poor terms.”
“Soon after, today, I got a call from a mutual friend calling me a total AH for bailing on him.”
“We went back and fourth for a while till he let it slip that the plan was for my ex-boyfriend to proposing while we were there.”
“I can better understand why he was so insistent on me going, but I still feel ultimately my choice was not only understandable, but him not empathizing with my friend makes him an TA.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received very little sympathy from the Reddit community for cancelling on her boyfriend, finding her to definitely be the a**hole in this situation.
Everyone agreed that it would have been one thing if the OP’s friend had asked her to stay, but the OP was being insensitive to her boyfriend for choosing to stay behind.
“While it sounds like this relationship may have been on the rocks anyhow if he was ready to propose, and you’re ready to bail on him and an international trip over the accidental discovery of a dead pet, your response was not proportional.”
“If your friend had called you in tears and literally had nobody else to turn to, and didn’t know what she was going to do, and you had to make the heart-wrenching decision on your own plans or dropping everything for a friend, that would be one thing.”
“But she didn’t, did she?”
“You found out coincidentally when you called her, and then it sounds like SHE did quite a bit to tell you to go on your trip and not upset your plans for her.”
“Suggestions that you unilaterally decided you were not going to take her up on.”
“It really sounds like there’s something else going on here, because no matter how much a pet was a member of the family, most friends wouldn’t even expect you to drop long-standing plans over the death of a blood family member.”
“And you took it upon yourself to use that as a reason to bail on a major trip.”
“And this was enough to tip off a relationship-ending argument?”
“I feel like this isn’t the whole story, and you had other relationship issues playing into this, but either way, your choices and reaction here weren’t normal.”
“If you didn’t want to meet his family because this relationship was already falling apart, at least fess up to it and not blame your friend’s dead pet.”- DarloxFlyer
“Mainly because your friend didn’t even ask you to stay.”
“She didn’t ask got you to console her.”
“She’s an adult and while she may be sad seems like she know that her life won’t go in shambles if you’re gone for a week.”
“Your ex is right to be upset with you.”
“Because you chose someone who didn’t ask you to spend time with them over someone who you been planning with for months.”- thethrowaway212134
“You cancelled an important trip to meet your partners family less than a day before you were meant to leave.”
“You clearly valued her more than him and I’m sure that’s not something he’ll ever forget.”-CrystalQueen3000
“Are you sure you still want to date this guy?”
“Or were you looking for any excuse to not go at all?”
“This trip, long planned for, likely expensive, and non-refundable, is not something you bail on without a damn good reason.”
“I assume you like this guy.”
“You dropped him like a hot potato for a friend that didn’t even ask you to stay.”
“Bet he was paying for the trip, so no skin off your back for losing money and wasting his time.”-SurrealityThrowaway
“I mean, YTA.”
“I lost my dog and was devastated.”
“I would never expect or want a friend to miss a planned trip, especially an international trip to meet their SO’s family.”
“It seems out of proportion.”- BlueBelle2019
“Your friend didn’t ask you to stay with her.”
“In fact, it sounds like she encouraged you to go on your trip.”
“Instead you decided you knew what was best for her & prioritized staying with her over keeping your word to your boyfriend & doing something you knew was important to him.”
“It’s good that your boyfriend didn’t get a chance to go through with the proposal.”
“You might be #1 to him, but clearly he is not the most important person in your life.”- YMMV-But
“Well I suspect you won’t have to worry about how to respond to his proposal now.”
“This trip was planned for at least a year and important to both of you, so you say.”
“Get your priorities straight.”- onehundredpercentdom
“It’s already an AH move to bail on a planned international trip at the last minute, but this was clearly more than that, since you would be meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time, and it was obviously very important for him.”- PrimalSeptimus
“For vehemently refusing your almost to be fiancé on a trip you have agreed to months prior.”
“Are you always going to yield to your friend over your other commitments? “
“Seems that your boyfriend is an afterthought to you.”- stacity
There’s no doubt about it, losing a pet is devastating.
But it’s hard not to think the OP wasn’t particularly invested in this relationship by choosing to stay with her friend.
Primarily because this trip was clearly very important to her boyfriend, and her friend didn’t ask her to stay.
If the OP’s boyfriend was planning to propose on this trip, one can’t help but wonder if he’s still planning to when he gets back.