It's always exciting to get a wedding invitation for a friend's wedding.
The excitement does tend to drop for some people, however, when the reality of attending the wedding sinks in.
Specifically, the cost of attending.
While many couples make an effort to help ease the financial burden for their wedding guests, it still might not be enough.
Redditor ShrekShedu was soon to be married.
Unfortunately, one of the original poster (OP)'s friends informed them that attending her wedding was not in the cards, specifically because of a rule being enforced at the OP's wedding.
The OP told her friend that she understood her situation and offered an alternative solution.
The offer offended the OP's friend so much that she even resorted to name-calling.
Concerned she may have mishandled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA: my friend called me a b*tch and a horrible friend over a wedding rule?"
The OP explained why her friend did not appreciate her response to her financial concerns about attending her wedding:
"Me (27 F[emale]) and my fiancé (32 M[ale]), are getting married next year in the spring."
"We sent out invites 2 weeks ago to friends and family."
"One rule we have for our wedding is that it will be child free."
"We are going to have drinking games and other games that are not suitable for children."
"And not only that, my partner and I both agree that we feel children would be disruptive so we came to the decision to keep it child free."
"One particular friend I have has two children both under the age of 7."
"She sent me a long text message, and to summarize it, it basically said that 'I knew her financial situation and that I know she can’t afford a babysitter, and now she can’t come to the wedding because of it being child-free.' "
"I was honestly shocked at first because of how entitled it sounded, so I replied."
"I told her that I completely understood if she couldn’t find a solution to the problem, but we would definitely miss her and could get together eventually to hang out as a way to fix the missed time."
"I also told her that I would be okay if her husband did not attend."
"Neither me or my fiancé are particularly close with him, so i thought, hey maybe that could work."
"We would miss him too, but it would be okay, and he could stay home with the kids."
"She sent me a message back, and this one I am going to paste below."
"I'm sorry, but are you being f*cking serious rn?"
"You know my financial situation, and you know for a fact I can’t even afford my groceries."
"I have to sell my f*cking food stamps to pay bills. You think I can seriously afford a babysitter?"
"You’re crazy if you think that. I don’t even want to come to your wedding, you inconsiderate b*tch."
"I didn’t even reply to this one because I was honestly just baffled."
"She sent that last one yesterday, and it’s been on read for 19 hours."
"Am I just being inconsiderate?"
"Should I just pay for a babysitter?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for the way she responded to her friend.
Pretty much everyone believed that it seemed like the OP's friend couldn't afford to attend the wedding regardless of childcare, while also pointing out that anyone who so quickly resorted to name-calling isn't really much of a friend at all:
"After somebody calls me a b, I ain’t paying for sh*t."
"NTA."- Own_Mention9372
"Yeh NTA, she seems to be struggling and projecting that onto you."
"How could she afford 4 people to attend a wedding one minute and then only 1 person can’t afford to attend your wedding the next?"
"She tripped herself up in that reply."
"Whilst it’s sad to see her situation is hard; you’re not a verbal punchbag and personally I’d block or ignore and move on."-Aroracherry
"NTA."
"Attending a wedding isn't a need."
"If she's struggling to pay bills (and selling her food stamps!?!) and can't afford a sitter or have her husband stay home with the kids, then she just shouldn't come."- LateForDinner61
"NTA."
"Ditch the witch."- Candid_Warthog8434
"I would never have anything to do with this person ever again."
"NTA."- Trepenwitz
"She has a fricken year to sort it out."
"NTA."
"We had a child free wedding."
"Some people couldn't make it."
"That's okay."
"Don't regret it for a second."
"One night not having to worry about kids and enjoy everyone's company is worth saving the money for."
"If she wanted to, she'd make it happen."
"Your wedding isn't about her."- gooossfraabaahh
"NTA."
"If I can’t afford groceries, I can’t afford a dress and a wedding gift."
"Polite decline for the RSVP on her part."
"She shouldn’t be guilting you for a wedding she can’t afford to go to."
"Have a wonderful day on your special day."- happy_hatchetmaker
"NTA."
"You’re completely entitled to a child-free wedding."
"If they choose to come, they can find a sitter knowing 6+ months in advance (family close by that could do it for free/the husband staying home as options)."
"It’s definitely not your job to find her a sitter with this much notice."
"And if she doesn’t want to find someone who could do it for free or the husband stay home?"
"Then she won’t make it."
"Child-free wedding means some won’t make it."
"But I feel like this is definitely a case of, 'if she wanted to, she would'.”
"I also am financially in the same boat as her, and I would be perfectly fine to leave a child at home with dad and go to my friend’s wedding and not see it as a problem."
"It’s YOUR wedding."
"You’re not asking for a lavish gift; you invited her, and a sitter is needed for those with kids, or people won’t make it."
"Her being rude towards you is extremely uncalled for."- ASillyDuckTime
"NTA nobody should speak to their friends like that."- Dazzling-Rabbit-5107
"NTA."
"Your friend is the A."
"She called you out of your name AND tried to use her kids to guilt trip you?"
"Where’s her baby daddy?!"
"She has her priorities F’d up."- Prudent_Awareness926
"NTA."
"Your wedding, your rules."
"She thinks that being aggressive will force you to bend to her will."
"If you’re smart, you will realize that this isn’t a friend that you need in your life."
"Just tell her that her invitation is revoked since she thinks you are a bitch."
"Then move on with your wedding and your life after blocking her so you don’t have to read or deal with any more of her crap."-TranslatorVast1072
"NTA."
"I understand the no kid rule since you never know which parents will actually watch their kids."
"Too much of a gamble, especially if you want to do drinking games."
"I think your suggestion of one parent staying home is rlly good; I've seen that happen so much."
"Also, I have no idea how you're still friends if she's calling you names because of an untargeted rule."- WaitBeautiful7614
"Taking this at face value, she’s angry at her situation."
"I’m sure would have found something else to be upset about if she had attended."
"Consider it a dodged bullet."
"NTA."- IHaveBoxerDogs
"NTA."
"Also, the people I've known who commit food stamp fraud are also committing other kinds of fraud."
"I get that it's tough out there, but my experience has been diverse, and the most generous, lovely people have come from poverty and didn't speak to their friends this way."
"She has no excuse."- RoarByMeowing
"NTA."
"I would reply, thanks for confirming you will not be attending."- Missmessc
"NTA."
"People with kids have to grow up and learn that some places are off limits to children."
"What if someone drinks too much and one of the kids gets hurt during drunken shenanigans?"
"This is for the kids' safety as well as your and your guests' enjoyment of an adult evening."
"She needs to grow up."- MountainMixture9645
"NTA."
"That's nuclear reasoning."
"You told her it was ok to miss it, or that you'd be ok if she came solo so hubby could watch the kids."
"She's upset at life, and taking it out on OP."- Beanz4ever
There's no denying that reliable and affordable childcare is shamefully hard to come by.
Even so, it seems that affording the trip, let alone paying for childcare, is beyond what this friend can afford at the moment.
Rather than be open and admit it, it seems she'd rather blame the OP for her situation.
Not something a true friend would ever do.
