Bride Criticized By Mom Friend For Having Child-Free Wedding But Bringing Her Infant For Photos

A child-free wedding is becoming more of the norm nowadays.

Big events like weddings often span a large portion of time.

Kids get tired and need lots of attention and rest.

Which is why kids and weddings are often not conducive.

Redditor JessieLynnReddit wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

"AITA for bringing my daughter to my own child-free wedding?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"So my husband (M[ale] 29) and I (F[emale] 27) just recently got married."

"We spend almost a year planning the perfect wedding, taking the right precautions, etc."

"One of the first rules that we decided was that it was a no-kid wedding."

"We wanted an environment where we wouldn't have to worry about children running around, getting into things, crying, etc."

"We made it very clear on our invitation that we didn't want anyone to bring children under 14."

"However, we decided to bring our daughter (11 months), and I wanted to hold her during the reception and photo taking, and then have a family friend drive her home and wait for the babysitter to get there before coming back."

"Before we settled on that friend, we asked a few people."

"One of the people we asked was my husband's close friend, Darren's, wife Jessica (fake names)."

"She declined because she didn't want to drive, which worked out fine as we were able to find someone else."

"So on the day of our wedding, after we told everyone several times about the no kids rule, she showed up with her 4-year-old."

"I was obviously taken aback, but I went to ask her about it."

"She told me that 'since I was bringing my kid, it was okay if she took hers.'"

"Honestly, I was furious."

I tried to stay calm and tell her that this was a child-free wedding and she couldn't let her kid run around, but if she took her kid home she was welcome to come back."

"She started yelling at me about how since I had a kid it wasn't fair that she couldn't have hers."

"Her son at this point was already climbing on things, as she just let him run free."

"I told her that this was her last chance or she'd need to leave."

"She rolled her eyes, sat in a chair, and watched her son run wild."

"Eventually, her husband Darren convinced her to get her kid and leave, but it ruined the whole first part of my wedding."

"It's been a few weeks now, and I've been thinking, maybe I am wrong."

"I said no kids at my wedding but brought my own."

"A lot of people in my life are also saying it was hypocritical at the least."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. Your wedding, your rules."

"And, an unsupervised, unrelated 4-year-old is very different from the bride's 11-month-old daughter." ~ HaveYouTriedNot123

"That's like calling the bride a hypocrite for saying no one is allowed to wear white to her wedding, but then she shows up in white."

"Absolutely NTA." ~ Major_Zucchini5315

"I agree with this 100%."

"And I think it's getting worse with each successive generation."

"The wonderful thing about disciplining your children is that they are more fun to have around and for you to enjoy."

"The fact that the friend's child was already climbing on furniture is a sure sign that they do not discipline or parent their child."

"She was just being an AH." ~ Critical_Armadillo32

"The trouble is kids who were never taught to behave in public become parents."

"How can they teach what they never learned?"

"You are spot-on about well-disciplined children, they are an absolute delight, and it kinda sucks that they're left out of things because they seem to be a minority."

"Leaving old folks like me to grumble because I loved weddings as a kid but would hesitate to invite any now."

"The general bar for kid behavior is in the basement, so many parents let their kids crawl under it."

"Like this example." ~ CraftLass

"NTA. Her 'if you can do it so can I' attitude is flippant and disrespectful."

"Especially she didn't do anything to manage his behavior." ~ 3batsinahousecoat

"And the daughter only took pictures and got sent home to her babysitter, which means there were no kids at the wedding."

"You're NTA OP but Jessica is." ~ Jaded-Lemon8415

"Nope. Your wedding, your rules."

"Even if they had been the same age, it is very different to have the children of the bride and groom - who are the most immediate family and part of the marriage - than a guest's child who has no part of the relationship." ~ Living-Ad8963

"NTA... your wedding your rules."

"My sister had her beach wedding childfree except for my kids and her husband's aunt's kids."

"All the kids had a role in the wedding, and she actually spent a lot of time with the kids."

"No one made a fuss because everyone understood." ~ HowDoIDoThisDaily

"You had a minder for your child, and it's understandable that you wanted your baby in the wedding pictures."

"You even had plans to send your baby home after the photos."

"If you feel you owe the other person an explanation, I would make it clear that 'wedding party' and 'guest' are different, and if they would have asked, you would likely explain that your baby was only there to be in the pictures, and you had them elsewhere during the ceremony."

"The only thing you might have done differently was explain your plan to this person who felt that 'if you could, they could too.'"

"Communication is something society is getting weak on, with people being in the same room and can't have a discussion without texting and emojis."

"It's like back in my day, pre-cell phones, we had a game where you had to talk to someone and not move your hands."

"Some people literally can't." ~ anonymousforever

"The problem with this is that she had no clue her friend was going to bring a 4-year-old until she showed up with her child."

"That's not a lack of communication on the bride's part."

"It's a lack of communication on the 'friends' part."

"The friend was just being an AH and self-righteous and entitled."

"I don't see any lack of communication by the bride." ~ Critical_Armadillo32

"This is the part that made it super egregious to me."

"An 11-month-old baby is still at the stage of development where you can pop them in a bassinet or car seat and they are fine for hours."

"They are usually not running around getting into everything the way a toddler or older child would."

"They're not likely going to be climbing the furniture, causing fights with other kids, getting into nonsense."

"It makes perfect sense that you would want your infant to be in the wedding pictures." ~ SunnyAlwaysDaze

"NTA. It's very common for people with kids to have their own kids at their wedding."

"Wanting to have photos with your own child makes a heck of a lot more sense than with an unrelated 4-year-old." ~ Putrid_Performer2509

"And an 11-month-old isn't going to be climbing on anything. NTA."

"She knew about the rule and intentionally broke it to be spiteful."

"Not someone I would want at my wedding as she obviously doesn't care about you enough to respect you on your wedding day." ~ Lazy-Instruction-600

"Your child who was part of things, then sent home because you wanted a child-free party. NTA." ~ Bright_Ad_3690

"I was just like. What."

"You had your daughter for pictures and the actual ceremony, it is fine to have your daughter for this very important milestone."

"She will not remember this, but you."

"It will always be a moment you shared with your family."

"And she will see she was part of it because of the pictures."

"The couple's own kids usually are not included in the no-kid rule."

"And if you want to make exceptions for a ringbearer or flower girl, that is up to you."

"Your wedding, your rules, and as long as these rules are not to single someone out, you are NTA." ~ Any-Music-2206

"NTA. Reading the early part of your post, I figured that the baby would be there for at most an hour for picture-taking purposes."

"It's your wedding, so child-free me would be willing to cut you some slack on bringing the baby."

"An 11-month-old baby is a lot less active than a 4-year-old child who appears to have no discipline at all."

"That you put a condition of not having children under 14 on the invitation that your friends accepted should have protected you from Jessica bringing her child."

"That's the invitation that she accepted, and she shouldn't have unilaterally decided to bring her child just because you were bringing your child to the wedding briefly for photos." ~ No_Philosopher_1870

"It was YOUR wedding and YOUR child."

"Of course you're NTA."

"You had every right to want your child there for photos."

"Your 'friend' tried to make YOUR wedding all about her."

"It's not hypocrisy, and anyone saying that isn't a real friend." ~ Human-Jacket8971

"NTA. Your wedding, your rules."

"You don't need to justify yourself to anyone as to why you decide to bring your own baby to the wedding (it's a no-brainer for me)."

"Making an exception for yourself is not only expected here, it is totally your choice even if it wasn't."

"Enjoy, and mazal tov." ~ edebby

"This is your kid at your wedding, a day about celebrating your love and unity as a family, it's have been strange (to me) if she hadn't been there for a part of it. NTA." ~ ImaginationNo5381

"Absolutely NTA."

"The nerve of some people, honestly!!"

"It's YOUR wedding, your rules, and an 11-month-old isn't going to ruin anything whereas a 4-year-old given free rein can and will."

"AND your child went home after pictures, she expected to have hers there all day. How entitled!"

"She knew he shouldn't be there but went ahead and disrupted your day anyway."

"Selfish, selfish, selfish!"

"I wouldn't be speaking to her again." ~ Choo_Choo444

"Our wedding was child-free except for our kids (9 and 11 at the time) and immediate family kids who were directly involved in the wedding (my nieces and nephew)."

"We explained this on the invitation."

"We had no issues with people complaining."

"Absolutely NTA."

"OP's wedding, OP's rules, and it's her own damn kid, there's no way they would be leaving them out."

"If they do have a problem, then they don't have to come." ~ jason_sos

"NTA. Bride and groom always have the right of exception to any rule they make for their wedding, ESPECIALLY for their own child that is being included in the ceremony." ~ 1randomaustralian

OP had an update for everyone...

"Wow, I was not expecting this to gain this much traction."

"Darren, Jessica's husband, found this post."

"He knew it was obviously about them, so he apologized on both of their behalf."

"Jessica, however, was furious."

"It's only been a few hours since she messaged me."

"I haven't responded yet, seeking advice."

"Here's her text pasted here..."

"Jessie, you are disgusting."

"Posting our private business online for everyone to see? Really?"

"That honestly just proves how immature you are."

"'Darren,' might be sorry, but I'm not."

"I have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

"I wanted my son to be there for you on your special day, and I thought you'd appreciate that."

"You're making your child a spoiled brat, excluding every other child but her."

"You using fake names just proves you're just scared of us and didn't want us to see this."

"You're making my son seem like a monster for just being a child."

"I thought I was your best friend."

"If I was welcome, he should've been too."

"Honestly, at this point, I'd rather you just tell me you don't care about or respect me and my family to my face."

"And the comments? Jeez..."

"I mean you were really just looking for pity, weren't you?"

"You knew the chronically online teens of Reddit would obviously back you up, and that's all you wanted."

"I'm betting you'll post this too, so hi Reddit!" ​

​"She sent several other messages about my personal health and sensitive topics that weren't relevant to her behavior at all, I'd assume just to make me feel bad."

"​I really don't know what to say to her. "

"I still love her and care about her, but I don't know whether to try to mend this or cut her off."

Well OP, Reddit is loud and clear!

Your wedding! You're rules!

Your "friend" has really crossed a line with that response.

You deserve time to celebrate your marriage and family.

She knew your child was sticking around for the entire wedding, just photos.

So she took advantage.

Try not to think about any of it anymore.