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Guy Called ‘Childish’ For Refusing To Watch His Brother’s Kids So Sister-In-Law Can Get A Haircut

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We all know it takes a village to raise kids, but that doesn’t mean they are not their parent’s responsibility. You can’t just drop your kids’ off wherever when you want some alone time.

Redditor IamAndy123 encountered an issue with his sister-in-law. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

He asked:

“AITA for leaving the house when my SIL said she was on her way to drop the kids off for me to watch?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (M30) have a younger brother who is married and has 2 pre-school age kids. He travels a lot for work and his wife is a stay-at-home-mom.”

“When my brother leaves the country he’d tell his wife that if she needed anything, then she should give me a call. Then go on and on about how SIL and the kids are my responsibility while he’s gone. I never said I was okay with this since my SIL and I aren’t on the best of terms but I try to help for my nephews sake.”

“My brother flew out of town for work last week, the next day I got a call from his wife asking if I could watch the kids while she get her hair cut for her sister’s upcoming wedding. I said no because I already had to attend my girlfriend’s art event.”

“SIL pressured me saying stuff like ‘art event isn’t more important than your nephews’ and ‘your brother is counting on you and he said I could rely on you’ the usual guilt tripping nonsense. I said no means no and hung up.”

“Literally minutes later I got a text from SIL saying she was on her way to drop the kids off and I better not leave. I didn’t reply I just got dressed quickly and got the fuck out of there before she came.”

OP was not going to change his mind.

“My neighbor called saying he saw my SIL knocking on my door hysterically and checking my windows in an unusual way. I told him to let her, she will leave soon and she clearly did after calling me non stop.”

“Hours later, my brother called and was mad saying what I did was f*cking childish and that I was terrible uncle to bail on my nephews and my SIL when they needed my help. I told him what went down but he sided with his wife and called me unreliable, irresponsible and a weasel.”

“I tried to cut the argument but he said he was disappointed in me and my childish behavior but I thought that was too much frankly. SIL was and still is incredibly upset with me and my brother got back but refused to see me until I apologize which is f*cking hurtful of him.”

“I wonder if I should’ve just sucked it up this one time instead of ruining my relationship with my brother like that.”

Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. Not your kids, not your responsibility. Tell her and your brother to hire a babysitter instead of being entitled assholes who violate clearly established boundaries.”

“ETA: just want to say thank you to everyone for the upvotes and awards! :D” ~ stardust591

“This right here OP, you don’t need to apologize. You said no and that should be the end of it, if they refuse to see you.. good guess that means no surprise dropping off the kids right?”

“You need to establish boundaries right now. Tell her that unless it’s an emergency she needs to give at bare minimum a 24 hour notice on if she needs someone to watch the kids, but that if you say no then that should be the end of it.”

“Also in the foreseeable future if the wedding is child free, tell her you charge by the day.. and that IS the family discount. NTA”

“Edit: tell her if she doesn’t respect your boundaries and abuses the system that you’ve set up that you will no longer watch her kids, and if she drops them off that you will call CPS for child abandonment.” ~ Time_Detective7632

“As a normal type person I’d have rung the BIL before making the hair appt, to ask and check that day was ok, then made hair appt, then rung BIL back to give times.”

“Even if it’s your mother you ask (nicely) then make arrangements to suit.” ~ 3rd-time-lucky

“Yes, but even so, not ‘can you watch kid in 5 min’ but ‘can you watch kid tomorrow between X and Y'” ~ Professional_Duck564

“Exactly, I’ll ask my MIL at least a week in advance if I need her to watch my daughter. I’m a SAHM too so it’s not often I ask but she has several different drs appointments and I’m not about to get in the way of her checkups. Also if she didn’t feel like it, because obviously her health isn’t 100%, then I’d make different arrangements.”

“My daughter is a good kid, she’s almost five, but watching a child is tiresome and like say if her fibromyalgia was flaring up badly I wouldn’t want her keeping my daughter with her feeling bad. That’s not fair to her.”

“ETA: Op you’re obviously NTA. They didn’t even consult with you if it was ok for you to be this go to person for them. They need to ASK.”

“Sure they’re your nephews but they still need to ask. If my BIL rolled up with my nephew to drop him off without asking if it was ok first I’d let him know he had life fucked up.” ~ chelledees

A quick ask would have been more than enough.

“Isn’t this just basic courtesy?? Like last week I was signing up for my new semester classes. I know one day a week my in laws love (offered almost demanded) to have my son after school, it’s their time with him and they love it.”

“But I STILL asked before enrolling in a class that would overlap with school end on that day just in case they changed their mind or didn’t feel up to it or wanted to change it.”

“I would never just assume a family member wants to have my kid for any amount of time without absolutely making sure they were happy to. Ops SIL is entitled to the max and his brother is too expecting his brother to somehow pick up aspects of his father role while he’s not there.”

“No. Organize a babysitter or two that you know are good for when you need to go to the hairdresser or… Anything else and don’t expect your brother to look after your kids on a moment’s notice.”

“This is almost as bad as that woman who insisted her mother looking after kids constantly wasn’t baby sitting it was bonding time. Op is NTA at all but brother and SIL majorly are.” ~ hebejebez

“It’s not like a hair appt is a surprise. If she had called OP he would have said he had plans before that day and she could have made other arrangements or she could have rescheduled her appt. super entitled behavior. Apparently brother and SIL are the only ones with lives.” ~ JuryNo7670

“Exactly, you booked two weeks in advance, so why did SIL call just before the appointment and demand a babysitter? That should also have been booked ahead of time.”

“I bought concert tickets a couple of months ago and the concert (maybe, stupid pandemic) is a month away. But I asked my mother to babysit WHEN I BOOKED the tickets! Like a normal polite person you do this in good time before you need the sitter.”

“If there would have been an actual emergency like SIL needed to go to the doctor with one of the kids and a babysitter for the other one, then OP would have been the a-hole, but under these circumstances, absolutely NTA!”

“Edit: Just checked, concert is officially postponed, I hope my mother can babysit on the new date but of course there’s no guarantee. I’ll just have to hope for the best.” ~ Waste-Phase-2857

Many could relate with OP.

“Seriously… I can’t believe how many times I have seen parents expect family to watch their children without notice in situations like this, then try to guilt the family.”

“OP, this is not how reasonable people behave. It’s childish and entitled. Therefore, NTA.” ~ puppykat0

“This right here. My sister used to do this when her child was younger. Just show up and drop the baby off.”

“The last time she did it, she pulled up and let her 5yr old daughter out of the car, didn’t even get out of the car, just honked and left.”

“My hubby and I were at work. Then she called me on my cell to see if she got in the house and started screaming at me because her daughter stood out there for 20 minutes in the cold waiting for me to open my door and I wasn’t there. SMH.” ~ KittKatt7179

“I would not even offer to be available for babysitting during emergencies, because the brother and SIL are already so myopically entitled it seems likely they will interpret ’emergency’ any way they please.”

“OP, this is insane. This thread and other advice columns are full of people trying to navigate having other people’s kids dumped on them.”

“I can’t believe this many horrible entitled parents who apparently have never heard of ‘paid babysitting’ are out there, but here we are. What they all have in common is they are very, very difficult to reason with.”

“I would make it clear, IN WRITING, to both brother and SIL that you are done. That you never asked to be a third person in their marriage and you certainly never agreed to having kids.”

“The children are their responsibility and your automatic, ongoing answer to ‘can you watch them’ is no.”

“Also warn them that if they leave them at your house and you are not there and something happens to those kids, it will be their responsibility, not yours — and in fact you will be reporting them for child abandonment, should this ever happen (unfortunately, you need to do this to legally protect yourself).”

“Also, if they drag you into these discussions again, simply telling them no and that you’re not available is enough. It’s completely irrelevant what you’re doing when you can’t babysit.”

“Do not get dragged into arguments over whose commitment is more important, an art show or a hair appointment. These aren’t your kids and you didn’t sign up to provide a lifetime of free last minute child care, so what you are doing when you can’t watch them matters fuck all to anybody.”

“Remind them they are welcome to plan for and pay for an actual babysitter. Who is not you.”

“Good luck to you. NTA, like, so incredibly obviously.” ~ loptopblop

Uncles are not instant babysitters.