One of the most concerning issues with having roommates can be boundaries.
An important part of any relationship.
But for many, they are essential in a living situation with virtual strangers.
It seems like no matter how hard everyone tries, boundaries will get pushed.
And whether they’re financial, physical, or secrets and lies; the fallout isn’t often pretty.
Redditor OldOutlandishness252 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my friends I am technically our landlord?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (18 F[emale]) am very lucky in that I have two very hardworking parents who are successful and love me.”
“We aren’t mega-wealthy but we are very comfortable as my parents are extremely smart financially.”
“We own multiple houses as part of our real estate portfolio that we rent out for extra income.”
“I recently started college, and as a present for working hard and getting into my dream school, my parents gifted me one of our houses near my college.”
“I was going to inherit them all anyway, but I really appreciated their gesture.”
“Where I live real estate law is a little tricky and we would have to pay significant taxes to officially transfer the house to me so we decided to have my parents own it legally for now.”
“The house is pretty big with 4 floors (including a fully furnished basement) and a roomy attic and since it is near my school I decided to look for roommates so I could start earning money early.”
“So far I have two roommates, who we’ll call Sasha (18F) and Bea (19F) who also go to my school.”
“We have been living together for a couple of months now (they moved in around August), and we are all pretty good friends and very compatible roommates.”
“This is where I might be the a**hole.”
“I didn’t want to tell them that I owned the house as I thought it might create a weird dynamic between us, and I didn’t want them to view me any differently.”
“We split the bills and rent, with me technically paying nothing.”
“Since my father legally owns the house and we have different surnames (I took my mother’s last name) they have no idea I own the house or that my Dad just sends the money back to me.”
“Sasha recently found the money my Dad sent back while I was at class and told Bea, and they cornered me about it a few days ago.”
“I told them everything, and they’re mad at me for hiding this from them. They think I’m not only wrong for keeping it a secret but for making them pay rent in the first place.”
“The house’s mortgage has already been paid off, so the rent goes entirely into my pocket.”
“I responded by saying that they shouldn’t have gone through my mail in the first place and that it was illegal, which I’ll admit was kind of a low blow.”
“We weren’t friends when they moved in, and the whole point of me wanting roommates was so that I could earn extra cash, so I don’t see why I should let them reside for free.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“But for making them pay rent in the first place.”
“And so your point is proven immediately.”
“NTA. But stop saying that you aren’t mega-wealthy.”
“You got given a 4-story house in a college city as a graduation gift and enough income that you can afford to live in a house like that with only two roommates.”
“The difference between what you think wealthy and mega-wealthy are irrelevant given that – your family is absolutely wealthy and your attempts at trying to be humble make the teeth itch.”
“I’m saying this because recognizing you are wealthy is an important part of you looking to change you’re viewing these sorts of interactions.” ~ StripedBadger
“NTA. They do not have a leg to stand on.”
“Just because you are extremely privileged does not mean they should get to live rent-free.”
“But I agree with the poster above: You are extremely out of touch and tone-deaf.”
“Only megarich people use terms like ‘our real estate portfolio.'”
“Only very wealthy people own multiple homes mortgage-free.”
“And renting out a house your parents gave you is not exactly ‘earning money’ even if it is going in your pocket, as you say.”
“I’d also stop using terms like ‘we own’ and ‘our real estate portfolio that we rent out.'”
“Your parents own all of this property, except maybe the house they gave you.” ~ ParkerBench
“NTA but why are you mailing money back and forth?!”
“That is so ridiculously risky… And you are very wealthy, don’t try to play it down.” ~ Aggressive_Cloud2002
“This all could have been avoided by father causing a direct deposit into OP’S bank account.”
“As someone else indicated, OP could have indicated that her parents owned the property.”
“But honestly, that wasn’t even necessary.”
“It also appears there’s no complaint that their rent is too high.”
“Given all of the above, you are NTA, OP.” ~ Tight-Shift5706
“NTA. Do they think they can live rent-free in someone else’s house in the future?”
“Now why would they even begin to think they wouldn’t have to pay rent to live somewhere they don’t own?
“In the future just tell your roommates, it will save you so much grief.”
“And yes your family is wealthy.”
“I know it’s different where I live, but we are people who get along nicely.”
“We paid our mortgage and own our house, and we make enough money to never need to worry if something breaks.”
“And can even afford renovations done by professionals if we save a little extra.”
“Owning several places is considered wealthy probably anywhere.” ~ Patient_Chemist_1312
“NTA. Of course, they have to pay rent.”
“Did they think an owner would randomly pick 3 people and give them free rooms because they owned a house?”
“You weren’t even friends.” ~ LetsGetsThisPartyOn
“NTA. Yes maybe you should have said your parents own the home, but it changes nothing.”
“They still rent space in a home your parents legally own. If your father wants to gift you the rent money back, then that’s his business.”
“He is your father and can send you any money he wants.”
“I don’t understand the entitled attitude that if the homeowner or their child doesn’t pay rent, I should not have to pay.”
“It is your family’s property, and your agreement with your parents on what you pay is different from the agreement you have with the roommates, to whom it could be argued you are subletting since the house is technically still in your parent’s names.”
“Tell your roommates the deal doesn’t change, but they are free to leave and then find new roommates.”
“Getting along well with them does not entitle them to free housing.” ~ Lego_Panda_Bear
“NTA for keeping your situation private, but multiple paid-off rental properties = wealthy.”
“Most of your classmates’ parents likely don’t even own the home they live in, or at least not without a 30-year mortgage.”
“Your one huge house will likely bring in more income than they’ll make at their first professional jobs after graduation.”
“You need to be aware of how that’s going to affect your interpersonal relationships for your entire life.” ~ inscrutablejane
“NTA. These girls are renters, period.”
“It doesn’t matter who collects the rent or where it goes; they are renters.”
“If they think they can get a better housing deal, let them move out.”
“I don’t understand why you and your dad set things up that way, though.”
“Why not have the money deposited to an account that you can access as you like?”
“Better yet, get a property manager to handle all the maintenance issues and collect the rent.” ~ kol_al
“NTA. Their reactions justified your decision not to tell them about owning the house.”
“Even if they agreed to pay rent, they would constantly be asking you as a ‘friend’ for extensions, delays, and just forgiveness on the rent.”
“Stick to your guns OP.” ~ RumSoakedChap
“NTA at all, but it feels a bit weird that you pretend to pay rent – as in you sound to pay it every month, and then your dad sends it back. 🙂 “ ~ kittyrouge
“NTA at all but I still hate you.” ~ Useful_Award4492
OP came back with extra information…
“People in the comments were asking, basically we have a system where whoever is home brings all the mail in and puts it on the kitchen island.”
“Bea brought the mail in but Sasha opened my mail before I got home.”
“My Dad doesn’t send me straight-up cash… lol.”
“He mails two cheques, with the amount Sasha and Bea paid, and when Sasha saw the cheques from the landlord to me with the exact amount of her and Bea’s rent she put two and two together and interrogated me when I came home.”
“I don’t know why she opened my mail in the first place.”
“I’ve never noticed her snooping before but maybe she has and I just never saw.”
“Ok answering a couple of other things I keep seeing in the comments.”
“Yes, I know the assets aren’t technically mine but I have unlimited access to them, and will inherit all of them one day (my parents have told me this directly it’s not an assumption).”
“And my parents consider it equally mine, so yes I consider them mine as well.”
“I didn’t earn them, I was just lucky enough to be born to amazing parents and I’m grateful to them for that.”
“Generic comment about evil landlords: Bea and Sasha are NOT poor, and I’m not charging way above market price.”
“If they felt the price was too steep, they could dorm, which is actually cheaper, or find a cheaper place.”
“They are paying extra for luxury, I’m not exploiting broke children.”
“Why use cheques instead of e-banking?”
“I do all of my business online but my Dad bought a fancy custom mailbox and he’s trying (and failing) to convince my mom that it wasn’t a waste so he likes to mail EVERYTHING now.”
“I get letters instead of texts.”
“Yes it’s ridiculous and after this incident, we’ll definitely be doing our finances online only.”
“I maintain that I’m not mega-rich.”
“Yes, I acknowledge that I’m extremely privileged compared to most other Americans but in my head, at least mega-rich is people like my boyfriend’s family that own actual mansions, and have yachts, or like celebrities and billionaires with private jets, etc.”
“Compared to most of my friends I’m middle class.”
“Why I changed my last name when I’m on good terms with my father?”
“My parents are both British Indian immigrants, and my Dad has a super ethnic and long hard to pronounce last name whereas my mom has a nice short and cute last name.”
“When I apply for jobs people will judge me based on my name and I don’t want that.”
“My Dad faced that discrimination and I grew up in a predominantly white community so I know people’s perception of you change based on how American/white you are perceived to be.”
“Also my mom went through labor and nine months of pregnancy, she deserves to have her last name continued.”
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
You’re a lucky lady, and it’s good that you acknowledge that.
It is definitely a problem that your roommate opened your mail.
That is a BIG boundary issue. It’s your house, you’re rules.
At least it’s all out in the open now.
Good luck.