Pregnancy isn't easy.
It's a beautiful process in the grand scheme of life, but it comes with side effects.
One of the biggest pregnancy issues is food cravings.
Cravings can hit hard and fast.
But does that mean everyone else around a pregnant person has to give in to the side effects as well?
Redditor throwdranzer wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for preventing my pregnant sister access to my food?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My sister (31 F[emale]) is staying with me temporarily after leaving her husband."
"I (30 M[ale]) have a small apartment, but I let her move in because she had nowhere else to go and she's six months pregnant."
"I wasn't very pleased about this situation, but she is my sister after all."
"The main issue has been food."
"I'm pretty disciplined about what I eat because I am in the bulk stage and hitting the gym regularly."
"I portion things, label them, and plan for the entire week."
"But every other day something's gone."
"It makes me crazy."
"She'll drink all my expensive shakes, polish off meals I've prepped for work, eat snacks I've saved for post run, and even finish leftovers I was planning to turn into new meals."
"When I bring it up, she shrugs and says things like 'Cravings hit hard,' or 'Hormones,' or 'You are being mean.'"
"I asked her to replace things she finishes or at least ask before taking something."
"Or hell, manage her own food for God's sake."
"She refuses to do anything about it."
"So last week I ordered a small mini fridge and set it up in my bedroom."
"It's just big enough for my meal prep, snacks, and drinks."
"I didn't make a scene about it."
"I just quietly started putting all my stuff there."
"She noticed two days later and got pissed."
"She said I was being 'childish, dramatic, and treating her like a thief.'"
"I calmly told her I was tired of my groceries disappearing and that this was the easiest way to avoid fights."
"Now she's sulking and has told our parents after her failed marriage, her brother is also alienating her."
"And she is just a burden for everyone."
"My mom called and said, 'Pregnancy isn't easy,' and especially for her situation."
"I don't think I'm being cruel."
"I'm still letting her live here rent-free, and I've even offered to order food or cook together, but I just want my food to be left alone."
"A part of me understands she is going through trouble."
"But, at my expense?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Where is she going to stay once the baby is born?"
"You have got bigger problems than groceries, if she won't even contribute to food costs. NTA." ~ carlosmurphynachos
"NTA. Sounds very rough and can only imagine she is going through hell, BUT it should not be at (more of) your expense."
"You were actually very nice by letting her live there rent-free and even getting the mini fridge and separating your food, rather than kicking her out."
"Also... you are treating her like a thief because she is one, quite literally."
"If she continues to create drama, you'll have to tell her to either stop complaining about you storing your food or she needs to leave, because she can't just keep eating your food without replacing it or even caring."
"And why are your parents not helping her if they have such opinions?" ~ FuturePurple7802
"NTA, why doesn't your mom take her in and feed her if she thinks it's ok?"
"She may be going through a hard time, but she is a whole entire adult."
"She should really figure out how to feed herself before her baby is born, and she has that responsibility, too." ~ ASOT-1
"NTA. She may be pregnant, but she's still a grown woman who can sort her own food out." ~ Bitter-Paramedic-531
"NTA. Why is she not buying her own groceries?"
"Some women use pregnancy as an excuse for all sorts of bad behavior."
"Personally, I'd have told her the day she eats one more thing of mine without asking is the day she can pack her sh*t and get out."
"And if your parents don't like it, they can take her in." ~ Wonderful_Two_6710
"I don't care how pregnant you are, what your cravings are, you do NOT eat other people's food."
"Full stop."
"Pregnancy and cravings are a bad excuse for no impulse control, mooching, and then pouting about it."
"I've got 2 children and 2 grandchildren... their food comes first, no matter what my cravings are."
"Those kids eat first - even the 30s age kid because that's still my kid and it's someone else's food." ~ kswilson68
"NTA. Your sister left her husband."
"That does not mean she lost the ability to grocery shop and cook for herself."
"Is she not working?"
"If not, then your parents need to step up and provide food for their child and future grandchild."
"Better yet, they should provide the roof over her head."
"After all, your Mom knows 'pregnancy isn't easy.'" ~ Expensive_Excuse_597
"NTA. She should at least be getting her own groceries if she's staying with you."
"Getting a mini fridge isn't being childish or dramatic, it's ensuring you still have food." ~ RaineMist
"NTA, and for your own good, you should get her out of your house ASAP."
"Especially before she has the baby."
"No way on this earth do you want to be stuck with a person that doesn't respect you or your belongings and a newborn."
"You need them out ASAP." ~ bdit6
"NTA. She's very immature for a 31-year-old."
"She should go live with your parents."
"What are you going to do when she's had the baby?"
"Her situation is obviously stressful for her, but your mother seems to be OK with her stealing your food, so let your mother host her in her home and feed her herself." ~ hadMcDofordinner
"NTA, but you will be to yourself if you don't stand up for yourself here."
"She's pregnant, she's not made of glass, and she's not stupid."
"She knows exactly what she is doing, and she also knows that she's taking advantage of you."
"I am not saying to kick her out because I get it that's your sister and she needs you- but that doesn't mean you have to put up with her just fully being disrespectful."
"I'd recommend having a sit-down convo with her and your parents (since she decided to involve them, may as well make sure they have all the info) where you lay out what you're doing for her and what your expectations and boundaries are."
"It may seem silly and even like overreacting, but this is your space that you have voluntarily decided to share- that doesn't mean you have to burn yourself to keep her warm." ~ confused_friend5467
"NTA. It sounds like you've made every effort to be accommodating, and she's just not taking you up on it."
"I mean, at the very least, ask before you eat someone else's food, that's just common courtesy." ~ madoracl3
"NTA. Having recently been pregnant with cravings, they're controllable."
"If we didn't have the thing I was craving on hand, I waited."
"I might've been thinking about it constantly, but I generally waited days to weeks before giving in."
"How is she planning on handling the baby if she can't even manage her own food?" ~ NoThanks8790
"NTA, but there needs to be a plan put in place."
"What's supposed to happen once she has the baby?"
"Why can't your parents take her in? It's extremely unfair to expect you, a single man, to deal with a newborn in what's supposed to be your place."
"I'd bring things to a head before the baby gets here." ~ writierthanyou
"NTA, but is a mini fridge really big enough?"
"How long is she planning on staying?"
"Until the kid goes to college?"
"You've done the right thing, don't make it too comfy for her."
"Pregnant or not, that's so disrespectful." ~ Not-That_Girl
"Pregnancy is not an excuse to take somebody else's food."
"She needs to learn that she can't eat everything just because she's pregnant."
"When I was pregnant, my doctor told me to balance my meals because being pregnant doesn't mean you eat for two."
"Maybe your sister needs to live with your parents because she wants to whine like a child, and if anybody has a problem with it, let them deal with her."
"I feel bad for you because I don't think she's gonna leave your house." ~ Consistent-Ad3191
"NTA. Keeping your own meal preps to yourself, in your own home, is a reasonable boundary."
"I'm sure she's going through a lot, and feeding a pregnant woman is a whole different thing."
"Here, hormones are likely also messing with her emotions."
"People fear pregnant women for a reason."
"I'd say you ride it out and continue to be clear you're willing to help where you can, but she is your sister, not your wife or child." ~ Brilliant_County6079
'NTA. From watching my sister through her pregnancies, I have absolutely no doubt that pregnancy cravings are real and can be super intense."
"However, self-control are respect are still a thing."
"My sister never once got into my snacks without asking first, no matter how good they seemed or how bad her craving was."
"I'm sure many women who have experienced pregnancy can attest to cravings being extreme, but I also think they would be able to recognize the disrespect your sister is showing by eating your food with no regard for you." ~ missraychelle
"NTA. She's living there rent-free, she knows she is pregnant and hungry, and she should definitely have been sorting out her own groceries the entire time you have been housing her." ~ EntireRaise89
Reddit is with you, OP.
It's your house.
She's living rent-free.
Yes, she's going through a lot, but that doesn't mean she gets to disrespect you.
Maybe she should live with your parents.
Good Luck.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.