It’s said that identical twins can have a psychic connection; some fraternal twins may have this gift as well.
They often can feel one another’s pain.
For many twins, their identities are intertwined in various ways.
Obviously, the first thing they noticeably share is their looks,
This trait isn’t always a happy share.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my identical twin sister to stop calling us ‘fat twins?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23 F[emale]) have an identical twin sister who loves the idea that we have a psychic connection.”
“We were thin during our childhood.”
“I stayed in my home state, and she went to a university in a different state.”
“While far away, we both got very overweight, and we’re only 20 pounds apart.”
“My sister is back in our home state, and she’s amazed that we had a similar change.”
“She’s been calling us ‘fat twins.'”
“I eventually told her I wanted her to stop calling us that, and she got upset.”
“She said if I don’t like how I look, then I must dislike how she looks.”
“She said I’m shallow and ignoring our special bond.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA: Tell her, as you have a psychic connection, she must understand how you feel and stop.” ~ LovingWisdom
“NTA. This would motivate me to lose a bunch of weight and affectionately call her ‘fat twin.'” ~ RichCaterpillar991
“NTA. It’s not about self-image, it’s the fact that she’s wandering around telling people you’re fat.”
“Her including herself in the insult doesn’t change the insult.” ~ LavishnessGeneral
“Fat’ isn’t automatically an insult; it’s just a descriptor.”
“If I went around telling people me my mum and I are both short or dark-haired, that wouldn’t be seen as an insult.”
“I don’t think it was necessarily wrong of her to say it in the first place, but it’s definitely 100% wrong to get upset and call OP shallow for asking her to stop.”
“Correct response would’ve been ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you didn’t like that word. My bad. I won’t say it again.'” ~ BeatificBanana
“No, I’m talking about this specific situation, too.”
“It clearly wasn’t intended as an insult and isn’t seen as an insult by OP’s sister.”
“But obviously, once she found out that OP feels insulted by it, she should’ve apologized and stopped, no question.” ~ BeatificBanana
“I think there are certain descriptors, though, that most people wouldn’t want to be referred to as, even if they are factual.”
“Honestly, probably more so if they are true.”
“If her sister had a problem with facial hair, would she want to be known as the hairy twins, or something like the double chin twins?”
“It may be true, but it doesn’t always need to be pointed out.”
“Maybe if she said it once as a joke, but realised it had fallen flat and stopped.”
“She needs to learn not to comment on other people’s bodies, even if she does only see her twin as an extension of herself.”
“Kids do that kind of thing, but she’s at the age where she should know it’ll cause problems.” ~ Tikithing
“I totally agree with your interpretation.”
“OP’s twin used it as a descriptive word and clearly doesn’t see it as negative, which is evident when she was offended that OP does find it insulting.”
“I got called out by a 7-year-old for calling a magpie fat.”
“I told him that I would never call a person fat, but also, it’s just a descriptive word and not meant as an insult.”
“I promise I wasn’t judging the magpie for being fat!”
“Agree with you that once a person finds out someone doesn’t like the word, it’s time to stop using it.” ~ RelativePickle8333
“You must be socially aware enough to realize that while it’s true that ‘fat’ is just a descriptor, that being fat is heavily stigmatized socially, so being called fat will invoke those negative connotations, in a way that being dark-haired doesn’t carry any negative meaning.”
“In fact, being dark-haired (as opposed to greying or balding) is indicative of youthfulness, which is highly valued.”
“Being a short woman carries more desirability than being a short man, etc.”
“Words have meanings beyond their literal definitions, especially when applied to people who necessarily exist in a cultural and social context.”
“Otherwise, I agree with all you said, and to add on, I think the reason the sister got upset when confronted with the request to stop is because she’s fully aware of the negative connotations and was trying to reclaim the word for her self-esteem.”
“And she’s too invested in the notion of twinning that she believes their thoughts and feelings about themselves must also be identical to their feelings about each other.”
“It sounds tough; I’m fat, and while I don’t love what I see in the mirror some days, the mirror never speaks back to me about its own feelings about how it looks.” ~ Madscurr
“NTA. She’s probably been dreading meeting you again and being the ‘fat twin,’ so when she saw that you had gained weight as well, she felt relieved and smug.”
“And now she won’t stop talking about it.”
“She’s the shallow one.” ~ Konkuriito
“NTA. Not everyone is comfortable being called fat.”
“You can tell her it’s not about how each of you looks, just about how you feel in your body, physically.” ~ B4rkingFr0g
“NTA. You’re not defined by your bond, and you’re allowed to have your own identity outside of it, particularly when the other is trying to singlehandedly dictate it.”
“You decide how you’re referred to, full stop.”
“I will say, your sister might be struggling with the distance, if she’s that invested in your connection.”
“Might be worth asking how she’s doing with that, and see if that’s driving her attachment to this particular thing.” ~ MothChasingFlame
“NTA. Not liking being called fat doesn’t have to mean whatever she’s projecting on it.”
“You’re young.”
“Why would you want a generally negative epithet to stick?”
“In not talking about body shaming over weight gain, I’m talking about an epithet that is culturally loaded and makes it hard to believe a person can control their health, like how much strain is on their knees.” ~ LaMarvirino
“She is the one who does not like her appearance.”
“She was scared that when she came back, you would still be skinny.”
“When you weren’t, it eased her fear that it would just be her.”
“No one wants to be the ‘fat sibling’ or the ‘ugly sibling,’ and when she saw you guys were the same, it eased her mind on what others would think.”
“It sucks being around a constant reminder of what you used to be (or what she thinks you should be).”
“She keeps saying it because she is self-soothing.”
“Almost like it is too good to be true.”
“She is not saying it to hurt you; she is saying it because she is hurting.”
“Her retort of ‘if you do not like how you look, means you don’t like how I look,’ literally screams that she is unhappy with her own image.”
“She is trying to get permission to be this way.’
“She feels ashamed of putting on weight and does not want to feel accountable for it.”
“All that being said.”
“You are not the a**hole.”
“She should have stopped the first time you asked.”
“No one should get called something they don’t want to be – and she is being selfish by putting her feelings ahead of yours.”
“I would take her aside and be honest about how it makes you feel.”
“And tell her that even if you guys don’t look identical anymore (if you decide to lose weight), that it doesn’t change your bond and you still love her, and that she isn’t ugly, you just didn’t like how you felt (tired, sluggish, slow, joint pain, etc).”
“Putting a focus on how you feel physically instead of how you look physically would probably be a good mind shift for the two of you anyway.”
“You both are going through a very formative time in y’all’s lives.”
“And you are experiencing a lot of change as you navigate young adulthood.”
“Tell her to stop again.”
“You are definitely not an a**hole.”
“Make firm boundaries and keep them.”
“In addition to this, meet your sister where she is at, hold some grace for her, and see where she is coming from.”
“This does not mean abandon your established boundaries!”
“Because she sounds lonely and ashamed.”
“She may not be in a place to be honest with herself or you.”
“And if she responds negatively, that is also not your fault… and you still wouldn’t be an a**hole. NTA.” ~ 5thSmith
“NTA. Being called anything once you’ve asked someone to stop is rude as hell.” ~ vaspider
“NTA. It would still be weird if you had both lost weight and she started calling you skinny twins, regardless of intention.”
“Bringing up body weight over and over is uncomfortable.” ~ stingwhale
“NTA, but she can call herself whatever she wants.”
“Whether you like it or not is a different question, but you don’t get to tell her to stop calling herself the name she chose.”
“And you should know that people are going to be calling you that anyway.”
“Pretending it’s not true doesn’t make it not true.” ~ thackeroid
Reddit is with you, OP.
In the end, you are your own person.
You’re allowed to be unhappy when people describe you in a certain way, even if it’s your twin saying such things.
You weren’t trying to insult her.
If she feels this way, she’s the one who has to deal.
Stay strong.
Good Luck.