Everyone has some kind of food or drink that they don’t like, but most people do their best to be open-minded and to develop a more refined palate over time.
This is especially important for people who are not the ones doing the cooking, pointed out the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Winter_Reveal_5894 enjoyed cooking and found that people generally seemed to enjoy it.
But when his wife, a stay-at-home mom, complained about every meal he made, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if it was time to stop cooking for her.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for just refusing to cook for my wife at this point?”
The OP enjoyed doing the cooking for his family.
“I am 39 (Male). My wife, Jennifer, is 37. We have been married for eight years, and we have two children.”
“I work full-time, and Jennifer is a SAHM (Stay-at-Home Mom). She’s a wonderful mother to our children, but one thing that she does not like to do is cook.”
“This works out just fine for me, as I generally get off work by 4:30, and I happen to be a phenomenal cook. My father was a chef, and I’ve been cooking since I was ten years old. I also worked as a line cook for several years.”
“Virtually everyone loves my cooking. When we have company, it gets rave reviews. Our children always ask for seconds. I put a lot into it, and I take pride in my cooking skills.”
But the OP’s wife, Jennifer, did not appreciate his efforts.
“The only person who doesn’t like it is Jennifer. She complains endlessly. ‘Too salty.’ ‘Too much pepper.’ ‘This is undercooked.'”
“She also backseat cooks a lot, where I’ll be in the kitchen making something, and she won’t shut up about what I should be doing differently.”
“The worst part, though, is that she’ll frequently insult my cooking and then go get garbage like a Hot Pocket or a frozen dinner from the freezer.”
“Fortunately, my boys know what’s good. I know that sounds bad, but they’re kind of used to her complaining, and they tune it out now and enjoy their meals.”
The night he made Salisbury steak was the last straw for the OP.
“Last Wednesday, I made Salisbury steaks with mushroom gravy, cream cheese mashed potatoes, and roasted asparagus.”
“When I put Jennifer’s plate in front of her, she made a disgusted face. She poked at her Salisbury steak for a few seconds and took the tiniest bite imaginable.”
“She then made an exaggerated retching sound, dramatically threw her fork on the plate, and went to heat up a microwave burrito.”
“I just snapped. I didn’t say anything at the time because our children were there, but I was completely done.”
“The next day, I made teriyaki bowls with broccoli.”
“Jennifer sat at the table waiting for hers, and I informed her that I was done cooking for her.”
“When she asked why, I told her it was a waste of food, and that she should just go have a Hot Pocket.”
“Jennifer is furious that I won’t cook for her, and she says that instead of giving up, I should try a bit harder.”
The OP was completely over his wife’s behavior.
“I think she should just subsist on whatever microwaveable slop she likes and stop complaining.”
“I have never complained about someone else’s food unless it was egregiously messed up and I was paying for it. I’ve had to send back chicken wings that were still raw, for example, and fries that were way oversalted.”
“But to insult your partner? Jennifer isn’t a great cook, but the few times that I’ve eaten her food, I encouraged her and expressed appreciation.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if it’s an insecurity for her. Maybe since she doesn’t cook as well, my cooking could be a blow to her self-confidence and she’s trying to knock me down a few pegs? I don’t know.”
“But did I escalate too much here?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the SAHM had no room to complain since she wasn’t the one cooking.
“NTA.”
“Did you marry a five-year-old? She behaved like a child.”
“If you are not willing to do something, you don’t get to complain about the people who do.”
“In my house, whoever is cooking, makes what they make, and everybody else shuts the f**k up and eats it. If you honestly can’t eat it for some reason, you thank the person for making the meal and then make yourself something quietly and politely.” – QuietRiot7222310
“It’s so childish, stupid and shortsighted. If someone who cooks knows you like and appreciate their food, they’ll often go out of their way to accommodate your preferences and make you more delicious food.”
“Instead, she wants to be mean and what? Sour his feelings towards her and f**k up their relationship? Great thinking there, SAHM. NTA.” – sadcrocodile
“The performative retching is what seals her just being a childish a**hole for me. NTA.” – Dieter_Knutsen
“‘JuSt TrY hArDeR,’ she says while she gets herself some of the most subpar meal options.”
“Like yeah, Hot Pockets are great for if I’m feeling lazy or in a hurry and need to eat as I go, but they’re nowhere near comparable to even my home cooking, and I’m just decent at it.”
“If anything, OP should be trying less. It sounds like she wants the processed frozen food if she’s refusing Salisbury steak for a Hot Pocket.”
“I bet she has a super unrefined toddler palate and is trying to make her husband feel bad to hide it. All of the complaints are just a way for her to get out of eating the other stuff.” – ConstructionNo9678
“Like, part of me was saying, ‘Maybe he should have said to his wife that he wouldn’t be cooking for her, rather than telling her at the dinner table,’ but also… There is literally no situation in the world where I think it’s appropriate to performatively retch at somebody’s cooking to tell everybody at the dinner table you don’t like it.”
“She was beyond rude, and I shudder to think how else she behaves because this can’t be the only way in which she behaves like a child. NTA.” – haleorshine
“The moment a fully grown adult makes dramatic faux retching noises, I’m done. That is elementary school behavior, except school kids don’t have the emotional capacity to understand how rude that is.”
“Also, what kind of behavior does she expect her kids to have? She is setting a terrible example.”
“She undermines him and disrespects the effort and passion he puts in the cooking, right after work no less… She should be very happy he loves cooking and silently eat what is put in front of her.”
“She should be ashamed of herself as a SAHM. Appears she has no taste or class. What a piece of work she is, d**n. NTA.” – Which-Pin515
Others agreed and theorized that the SAHM was jealous of her husband’s cooking skills.Â
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the food to her. She just likes being a d**k about something that OP is clearly passionate about.” – mogley19922
“She’s probably jealous he’s getting all the praise. She’s probably a s**t cook and is trying to get him to mess up so she can rub it in his face. She’s mean.”
“NTA. You might need to have a serious sit down with her and ask her what her problem really is. And you’re definitely right not to cook for her anymore.” – lucygoosey38
“There is nothing wrong with the food or his cooking. In fact, it sounds fricking delicious.”
“She’s negging him. It could be jealousy, but whatever the reason, it’s not acceptable. Personally, I think OP would be better off without her altogether.” – tiggergirluk76
“You know, my sister had table rules her five-year-old (and other siblings) were required to follow.”
“They could choose what to eat and how much from the selection put on the dinner table. They didn’t have to finish their plates or eat anything they didn’t want to.”
“But there were no special meals just for them if they were hungry after, and there was no face-puling or demeaning comments about the food that was served.”
“A five-year-old is capable of keeping those rules.”
“Apart from that, the way she is communicating with you through food is riling you up and you don’t seem to know why she is doing this apart from to infuriate you.”
“Maybe she could tell you directly what her issue is instead of tearing up her marriage and teaching her kids toxic attitudes toward food and relationships?” – Test_After
“My ex was exactly like this. I’d leave for a week and come home to fourteen freezer-to-microwave burger wrappers on the coffee table when the blow-up had been because his filet mignon had been rare not blue (untrue).”
“It was a coercive control thing. I was vegetarian for a decade after I left for good.”
“It seems Jennifer and my ex would get along rather well.”
“At least imagining them eating cardboard together by the flickering light of late-night TV for the rest of their lives made me smile.” – Test_After
Members of the subReddit were disgusted by the OP’s wife’s behavior and felt that her behavior was not only inconsiderate toward the OP and his efforts, but it was also a bad message to send to their sons.
If the wife was going to be so critical of the meals the OP provided, it was clear that eating out of the freezer was the best option for her going forward.