Marriage proposals are a defining life moment for many.
They used to be simple.
A quick “Will you? – Yes or No?” while down on one knee and bam.
No fuss, no muss.
Over time a lot of people have made them a spectacle, splashed all over social media.
And when it’s on social media, people are going to notice.
Redditor Olympiansullivan509 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for spoiling my [G]irl[F]riend’s cousin’s engagement?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened back on July 4th, but people are still sore about it.”
“My girlfriend’s cousin (let’s call her Miranda) invited us to her place for a BBQ.”
“A few days prior, Miranda posted a picture on Instagram of her and her B[oy]F[riend], George.”
“It was a photo of him on one knee proposing to her. “
“The caption read something like ‘I said yes! Can’t wait to marry my love.'”
“She has a lot of followers, and a lot of people liked it and commented with congratulations.”
“My girlfriend and I both liked it and commented as well.”
“A few days later was the BBQ.”
“George and most of her family were already there.”
“After we got settled, we both said congratulations to them both.”
“Everything went silent.”
“Miranda, George, and their parents looked horrified.”
“Miranda’s parents said, “’You told them?!'”
“And she shook her head.”
“Of course, everyone around them was surprised and said things like ‘You guys are getting married? – Congratulations!'”
“My GF and I instantly knew that the rest of their family didn’t know yet.”
“It was so awkward, and Miranda and George seemed very uncomfortable.”
“Later, Miranda’s mom angrily took us aside and told us that it was supposed to be a surprise.”
“George was planning on doing ANOTHER proposal at the BBQ, this time for the family.”
“We explained that they already announced their engagement online, and the mom told us that most of Miranda’s family doesn’t use social media.”
“Apparently the first one was just for friends and the internet.”
“Later, George ended up proposing again anyway, but it felt so awkward.”
“It seemed like it was supposed to be a big moment.”
“The fact that everyone already knew kind of ruined it.”
“We felt so bad.”
“No one really talked to us for the rest of the party.”
“Miranda and George wouldn’t even look at us.”
“When we left, we talked about how we shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Then again, we thought that it would’ve been weird if we congratulated them online and not acknowledged it when we saw them in person.”
“We’ve been talking about whether we should have said anything.”
“My GF said no one from that side of the family has spoken to her since.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA, or in this case, are we?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. They announced it. “
“They then in turn did NOT tell you ‘Please keep this a secret because we have a surprise planned for my family.'”
“This whole thing just REEKS.”
“It reeks of attention-hungry people who make the same ‘announcement’ repeatedly for likes and kerfuffle.”
“It’s also quite odd and awkward to me that someone would propose twice and obviously you weren’t the only ones at the party who knew because as soon as you said something Miranda’s parents realized you knew something they also knew.”
“Then they… still went on with a show proposal even though it was no longer a surprise at that point? Weeeeird.”
“The theatrics and desire for an over-the-top show are SO performative, which takes it into a really weird place.”
“If they wanted it to be a surprise to anyone at the party, the answer was to not announce it in advance, this is so basic it shouldn’t need to be said… but they couldn’t do that because they were sooo eager for likes.”
“If I were you I’d be kind of pissed.”
“You were set up to fail and chastised for doing NOTHING wrong, and no one even stuck up for you, and now your GF is getting the silent treatment from her own family for having the audacity to congratulate her cousin on the news she (cousin) had already announced.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“Honestly, some people are too short-sighted to see the folly in what they were planning.”
“Basically, they had too many plates spinning for this to work as it only took one person forgetting to keep their peace or being forgotten on their list of conspirators.”
“The real problem though is that it’s dumb and fake, just do a general announcement accept your cheers and congratulations, and move on in life.”
“Sadly, Some people have to be the center of attention constantly.”
“I foresee a big crash in their future when no one is giving them Internet Klout anymore.” ~ False-Importance-741
“GAWD. Whodathunk there would be a postal show following the proposal. Good grief.”
“Like the bachelor/ette party that morphed into a vacation for a week, and asking someone to the prom turned into a promposal and the old gender reveal, and the million dollar weddings, and all that happy hogwash.”
“Honestly. sorry… didn’t mean to rant…”
“NTA OP. “
“I don’t know how they thought they were mind-melding enough to get that message to you.”
“If they would have bothered to warn people it woulda been nice.”
“Not your fault at all.” ~ PickleNotaBigDill
“If keeping it a surprise was so important, they shouldn’t have posted it on social media.”
“They could have waited to post it, but they chose to play the victim card instead.”
“It’s their own damn fault what happened.”
“You are so NTA.” ~ NightWitch65
“NTA! They didn’t tell y’all ahead of time to not tell the family.”
“You both didn’t do any wrong!”
“They put it on social media.”
“I would be the 1st one to say Congratulations to them at the BBQ.”
“It’s human nature!”
“So…again, y’all are NTA.” ~ Any-Maintenance5828
“Also, I would consider it rude to NOT congratulate someone, especially if they already know you know.”
“Then it would seem like you’re disproving of their news.”
“So I think OP is NTA on a whole other level since they were being super polite by congratulating the newly engaged couple.” ~ JellyfishApart5518
“NTA – I’m sorry but it’s posted online, my assumption is everyone knows UNLESS specifically specified in the post.’
“Could you imagine having to comb through a person’s followers before you congratulate them for something they posted on social media previously? C’mon.”
“Also is it common to redo a proposal for other people?”
“It probably felt awkward because the whole thing was.”
“At that point, it seems scripted and not genuine.”
“I can understand 2 wedding ceremonies but 2 proposals where you are supposed to be a little shocked or surprised?”
“That’s weird to me.” ~ -Jewelz-
“I think the re-doing if not common, makes perfect sense.”
“Public proposals should never be a surprise – you already discussed marriage, likely already looked at rings, yadda yadda.”
“It seems a nice gesture to propose in private, but then make a show for relatives.”
“You know, EXACTLY like a wedding does.”
“The social media thing was cousins’ flop.”
“If it was a secret – just announce it later?!? That’s it.”
“Social media announcement is obviously the last step, it was obvious to OP.”
“Who is NTA.” ~ Subjective_Box
“It’s kind of weird, because which day were they ‘officially’ engaged?”
“I don’t understand how they expected to keep their stories straight. NTA.” ~ FancyPantsDancer
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Once folks post something to social media, all bets are off.”
“You can’t be expected to know who does and doesn’t see their social media activity.” ~ wesmorgan1
“NTA. How were you supposed to know he was going to propose again at the BBQ?”
“If Miranda had wanted it kept quiet she should have waited to post about it on Instagram until after the BBQ.” ~ Smarterthanuthink867
“NTA. Seriously.”
“Some people seem to miss the fact that you can do something and take your pics, then… post it online later!”
“In fact, you could take pics of the first proposal, then pics with the family, and post them together as if it all happened the same day- which would dodge some other likely issues here.” ~ NapalmAxolotl
“NTA at all.”
“They made a public announcement where people could see and expected no one to mention it?”
“If they really wanted it to be a surprise they should have said that in their post.”
“Totally on them.” ~ janiemackxxx
“Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson and will keep your mouth shut when you see the birth announcement on Insta for their first child lest you ruin the surprise at the next family barbecue where Miranda will lay down in between the potato salad and chicken and George will pull a 6-week old baby out of her.”
“The whole ‘second proposal’ is so performative and seems calculated to maximize attention both online and off.”
“The fact that you were supposed to predict this was happening is just ugh. NTA.” ~ JeepersCreepers74
“NTA, obviously.”
“You can’t be responsible for ruining a surprise that you didn’t know about.” ~ warp-and-woof
“NTA. She posted it on social media and told the whole world and didn’t bother telling her immediate family. Wow.” ~ OldGuto
“NTA if you post it online you have announced it. Good grief.” ~ camkats
OP came back with an update…
“Thank you so much for all of your responses!”
“My GF and I read through them and we feel so much better!”
“It is so true, they were very unreasonable for expecting us to know that their engagement was a secret to the family, despite having already told the internet.”
“We analyzed their initial Instagram post, and nowhere did it even hint that her family didn’t know yet.”
“My GF told me that Miranda was always very entitled and that if she ever did anything wrong, her mom would always somehow find someone else to blame.”
“GF told me that Miranda’s Sweet 16 was more extravagant than an actual wedding, so we can only imagine what her own wedding is going to be like.”
“We’re perfectly fine if those people don’t want to speak to us because we definitely don’t want to speak to them.”
“Again, thank you for all of your responses!”
It’s always nice to hear about the resolutions.
OP, Reddit clearly had your back from the jump.
You had no malicious intent or way of knowing it was a secret.
Someone may need to explain to the happy couple that secrets aren’t usually public.
Reddit would probably love to hear your responses to the wedding invitation as well, should the two of you receive any.
Good luck.