Owning an animal is about more than just feeding it and wiping up the messes that it inevitably makes.
Welcoming a pet into your home means that pet becomes a part of the family.
What happens when someone else decides that they might have had your new pet first?
That was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) BoonDragoon when they came to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for outside opinions.
OP asked:
"AITA for having somebody's 'lost dog' post taken down?"
First, there was the backstory.
"My partner and I rescued a Siberian husky (pics available in my post history, hence no throwaway) back in November."
"He was found wandering a busy road by an acquaintance of ours and immediately taken to the local humane society. ...hold on, this is relevant, I swear..."
OP took the appropriate steps.
"They kept him for the requisite two weeks [edit: ten days. I looked it up while answering comments and never bothered to edit], called the number on his chip, nobody came in to claim him, nobody picked up the phone."
"So, once the holding period was up, we went to visit 'Phoenix' and fell head over heels."
"The next day we pay the fees, sign the papers, and take him home."
Then...
"Jump-cut to today."
"He's settled in nicely, his concrete calluses have healed, he no longer freaks out when you try to touch his head or raise your hand, he gets along with the cats, and is, though I may be biased, one happy guy."
"Three months [edit: two. I can math, I swear] from adoption (to the DAY), we're chilling, maxing, relaxing all cool, when a friend of ours sends us a link to a Facebook page."
"It's the local Lost and Found Pets group."
"With a picture of our dog. Posted an hour earlier. Panicking slightly, I DM the OP to ask a few questions. The exchange went like this:"
"Me: 'hey, I saw your missing dog post. That guy looks familiar, when did he go missing?' "
OP: 'Last week, have you seen him?' "
Me: 'oh, no, false alarm. We adopted a dog that could be the twin of the one you're looking for a few months ago, but the timeline doesn't match up. Good luck!' "
"Radio silence."
"I breathe a sigh of relief and go on with my evening. Then I get a notification."
Everything was fine until...
"OP: 'oh, actually it was in October. I posted for a friend who isn't Facebook savvy, so I don't have all the information.' "
"Alarm bells. Panic. This is hella sus."
"Long story short, after a few rounds of clarifying questions it becomes clear that the dog this person is looking for is our dog."
"She even gives me the original owner's Facebook page."
"A sh*tload of 'oh poor me, my dog is missing. He hasn't shown up at any of the shelters, and nobody's called', all starting after we had adopted him."
"Something stinks, and I decide to extricate myself from the situation."
"Who doesn't bother to check the local shelters when their dog goes missing?"
"Who wouldn't be glued to their phone, waiting for a call?"
"Worse, who would potentially lie about not doing those things? That was my thought process."
"The next morning, the Lost and Found post has gained significant traction for a local page."
"Triple-digit shares, dozens of comments, people have even dug up the old humane society listing for my dog."
"At this point, I'm envisioning a small army of people under the impression our dog is stolen and ready to go postal on us during a walk in the park."
"Worse, I'm worried about the original owner getting back to us and doing something stupid."
"So, I quietly contact a group admin and explain the situation."
"A few minutes later, the post was nowhere to be seen. Now I'm having second thoughts."
OP was left to wonder.
"AITA?"
Having explained the situation, the question was offered to Reddit for some outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some got right to the point.
"NTA."
"If she really missed the dog, she wouldn't wait 3 months to look for it." ~ crazymamallama
And...
"I agree, if my dog went missing I'd be posting everywhere and calling the pound/humane society DAILY."
"NTA- I'm glad the dog found a loving home." ~ Cajs0712
Others were suspicious.
"Or their dog really went missing, but they're a frequent flier (my local shelter at least charges more to get your dog back if they've picked it up more than a couple times)."
"Or the dog got injured or something and they couldn't afford all the fees."
"So they decided to just wait until it got adopted and then try to beg the new owners for their dog back." ~ calliatom
There were words of consolation.
"NTA."
"You seemed to go above and beyond in interacting with these people. That is a whole lot of drama that they are manufacturing. Don't get involved."
"You and the shelter followed protocol to try to reunite the dog with its owner."
"They could have easily located the dog if they really did check the area shelters."
"If it had concrete callouses then it was likely living on its own and/or poorly cared for a while before it got to the shelter."
"It seems they had abandoned the dog for whatever reason and then later changed their mind."
"The dog is now in a good home and is loved and cared for. All is well."
"Rest easy." ~ Salcha_00
Or...
"Do not give up this dog if your story is true."
"It's yours now."
"If it were my little buddy I wouldn't have slept till I found her or passed out. Those are not people deserving of such an animal." ~ Crushing_Reality
OP did return to provide some more context.
"Since some of you apparently think I just stole this dog and am fabricating an incredibly elaborate cover story that involves posting on an extremely popular and widely read subReddit."
"Instead of just...keeping quiet about the whole thing, here's a shot of my dog's original lost and found post from the shelter where I adopted him."
"Feel free to go through my post history and compare it to the extremely cute pictures I posted of him."
https://imgur.com/a/PazDJN2
"If they archived their adoptable dog listings, I'd link that too."
"If you're really curious you can probably just do a Google snapshot of their website around 11/17/21"
Owning an animal is about more than food and poop bags and making sure the water bowl is full.
The animal is a member of your family and needs to be treated as such.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.