The workplace is a hot bed of drama.
It’s been exacerbated by our cultural wreckoning.
Diversity in the workplace should be embraced.
But it sounds like we have a ways to go.
Case in point…
Redditor meaian wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling a guy a nepo-hire after he said I’m a diversity hire?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (22 F[emale]) recently started working a prestigious company that is unfortunately very male-dominated.”
“On my team for example I’m the ONLY woman.”
“There’s Asian guys, and another black guy but it’s mostly white dudes.”
“And this is actually one of the more diverse teams.”
“As a woman of color it’s been a challenging and oftentimes isolating experience.”
“Anyway one of my coworkers (M[ale]) is the nephew of the CFO and we started our roles at the same time.”
“He’s a white guy, an entitled douchebag and incompetent in my opinion.”
“For whatever reason he has disliked me from the very start, often trying to start arguments, being overly competitive etc.”
“It was difficult dealing with this because I didn’t want to lose my job.”
“Anyway, last month an incident occurred where my boss chose me over M to accompany him to an industry event.”
“This really upset M who assumed he’d be invited.”
“He’s been acting like a bigger a** ever since.”
“This all came to a head when I got lunch with my female colleague from another department.”
“M insisted on joining us.”
“He started questioning me about the event, but I wasn’t interested in discussing that.”
“Then he accused me of manipulating people to get ahead (ridiculous) and that our boss obviously wants to show off his ‘exotic diversity hire.'”
“For your information I’m multiracial and come from a poor/dysfunctional background, M ‘joked’ that I tick a lot of boxes.”
“We argued back and forth (with him accusing me of having it easy- again RIDICULOUS) til he once again said that I’m an obvious diversity hire ‘bimbo.'”
“I was extremely pissed and told him that he’s a privileged nepotism-baby who literally gets things handed over to him.”
“I said that he’ll forever bask in mediocrity, blissfully unaware of how utterly incompetent he truly is.”
“I also told him that nobody will ever say that to his face so he should be happy I’m doing him a favor.”
“I said this knowing full well that I’d lose my job in the worst case scenario.”
“Our colleague gasped immediately and told me to apologize to M, who looked taken aback and confused more than anything.”
“However I didn’t apologize and just left.”
“Later on M told me that what I said was ‘f**ked up’ and ‘crossed the line.'”
“He claimed that he didn’t insult me and that I took it way too far.”
“Then he said that I’m ‘lucky’ that he’s choosing not to report this.”
“Am I the a**hole in this situation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“He’s too embarrassed to report this, because what you said is true.”
“I’m curious, did your coworker also gasp at the racist and misogynistic things this guy said and demand HE apologize to you? If not, why not?”
“NTA and wish I’d been a fly on the wall to see nepo-dude’s smug and entitled demeanor crumble.” ~ PittieLover1
“Wow. So now we know your coworker isn’t an ally let alone a good friend.”
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this OP, and I’m sad you’re looking for another job.”
“Unfortunately in corporate America we have to work twice as hard for half as much.”
“I went through something similar when I was in my 20s and I’m sad this crap is still going on.”
“I think it’s worth a conversation with H[uman] R[esources] and your boss though.”
“This a-hole will do the same thing to someone else and there should be a record of it.”
“If you’re at a big enough company, the bad press they would get if the media found out might be worth getting rid of him.”
“I would absolutely tell my boss nepo hire is a liability and sending the wrong message about how diversity is accepted at that company.”
“I’d snitch to his uncle too.”
“Honestly, as someone that’s been in your exact position, I regret leaving on a good note and using the high road after I was accused of getting hired for being the ‘token Latina, and a woman on top of that.'”
“I wish I had gone scorched Earth.”
“I got pushed out of my job anyways, being gracious just made it easier for the racists.”
“Best of luck!” ~ saurons-cataract
“I get wanting to do this but these type of things are not cared about in the media and on top of that you think the CFO is going to care about how he’s treating an entry level employee?”
“The nephew’s embarrassment is enough to keep him in check for now.”
“But really she should contact a lawyer to leave a paper trail as that would be her only real recourse and really only as a contingency if they get rid of her.”
‘HR will do nothing, likely the CFO will retaliate in an ‘above board’ way to get rid of her or worse blackball her to the industry.”
“This is way too dangerous of a position for her and I absolutely hate to say it but she really should have been more careful with her words no matter how righteous they were.”
“While caution was more prudent, judgement is still NTA by the way.” ~ Key_Break_9312
“You are 100% NTA.”
“But you need to report him to HR immediately, regardless of what he said.”
“This guy is supposedly connected to management and he’s both harassing you based on at least two protected classes (race and gender) and throwing in sexual harassment (the bimbo) line.”
“He’s now threatening to take YOU to HR. You can’t let this stand.”
“If he goes to his uncle and takes uncle to HR before you get your story out, it’ll look like you’re making up your accusations to get back at him.”
“Realize though that this is going to make things tough in the company for you.”
“It seems your coworkers might be backing him up, which is very troubling for you.”
“You have to decide what to do, but you need to get in front of this narrative because this guy will never let it go and he WILL, at some point in the future, start to come after you.” ~ ErikLovemonger
“NTA. But move NOW.”
“Get your butt to HR and take control of this situation.”
“Also take responsibility for what you said.”
“Get everything out in the open and ON THE RECORD.”
“Seriously–move now on this.” ~ ElKristy
“I am a black woman and I understand how you feel but please find a way to document this.”
“Even if you email him saying that you wish that you two could have gotten off on a better foot but the things that he said were inappropriate and insulting.”
“Let him know that it is probably in both of your best interests to not communicate unless it is directly related to the job so that we can avoid any further miscommunication ‘as I’m sure you didn’t mean to call me a diversity hire bimbo.'”
“You are already looking for work somewhere else so please just do this so he cannot spin the story.”
“Then if you do get fired you at least have a case for wrongful termination.”
“Make them uncomfortable with his behavior.”
“Shake the f**kng table even if it is on your way out the door.”
“Also don’t go out to lunch with that ‘friend’ again.”
“She’s trash as well. NTA.” ~ Disastrous_Impact_25
“All of the responses following yours under this particular comment are absolute correct about still reporting this incident to HR even if seeking newer employment.”
“And keep an email trail – even though sent emails are shown in the SENT folder but I don’t even trust that so blind send yourself because this needs to be in your records of this type of behavior at s company.”
“This will serve and receipts, and I am always saying ‘RECEIPTS ARE LIFE!”
“OP is NTA!!!” ~ bustakita
“NTA. Look, I would bet anything he respects you more now.”
“He’s feeling insecure which is where that comment about ‘you being lucky he’s not reporting this’ came from.”
“He’s desperately trying to gain the upper hand.”
“I almost want to laugh.”
“Honestly though, now that you fought back he’s less likely to bully you.”
“I do think people are correct that you should get ahead of it and tell HR.”
“That’s another thing—HE stands to face much more discipline from HR if he reports the conversation than you do.”
“That why his reporting threat was a big bluff.”
“Whatever you, take the win and don’t stress about this fool.” ~ veni_vidi_dixi
OP, Reddit is here for you.
You deserve a non-toxic work environment.
Keep being your best and don’t allow anyone to take your shine.
Good luck.