Relying on stereotypes is never a good idea when it comes to judging people.
More often than not, it ends up biting a person on the backside.
But does that mean other people are responsible for correcting anyone who chooses to use stereotypes to judge people?
A man was stuck getting the blame when another coworker voiced her assumptions based on stereotypes. Not sure why he was being blamed, he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
The Redditor asked:
“AITA for letting a coworker embarrass herself at a company outing?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened back at Easter but I am still getting some mixed reactions on it. I thought Reddit would be a good place to share it.”
“I work with a guy we’ll call Charles. Charles is a great coworker and started with us about two months before Easter.”
“I got to know him, found out our kids go to the same school and our wives get along.”
“Now I’ll admit that Charles sounds a bit feminine, a bit of a soft voice and he has some feminine mannerisms. He told me that he has four older sisters so understandable.”
“Now Betty was convinced from the day Charles was hired that he’s gay. Anytime he’s around, she makes small comments about him.”
“Or says things like ‘I can just sense things like this’ or ‘No straight man walks around like that’ (whatever that means).”
“Despite me telling her he has a wife and kids, she refused to believe me. Now for Easter, our company decided to host a party/Easter Egg hunt since Covid restrictions in our area were being lifted.”
“It was a nice time to get out the house, enjoy some burgers and the kids could have fun.”
“Charles came with his wife and two kids. I have met his wife many times. Betty had not.”
“We’re chatting when Betty comes over. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went but it was something like this. We exchanged the usual hi, hello, and it’s such a nice day out.”
“Betty: ‘So where are your kids? I haven’t met them yet’.”
“Charles: ‘Oh they are in the bounce house. They’re having a great time’.”
“Betty: ‘And what about your partner? Is he here?'”
“Charles: ‘What are you talking about?'”
“Betty: ‘There is no need to be ashamed of who you are Charles. We are very accepting’.”
“Charles looked like he finally got what she was getting at: ‘I’m not gay Betty’.”
“Betty: ‘Sure you are hun. Look, don’t hide it. I won’t judge you for it. In fact my brother is gay and he’s here if you would like for me to introduce you’.”
“Just then Charles’ wife came over. Betty’s face turned white when he introduced her as his wife.”
“Apparently she had seen them come into the party together but thought his wife was the nanny. She went off to sulk.”
“Later on she pulled me aside and told me I didn’t have to let her embarrass herself like that, I could have said something and now she won’t be able to show her face to Charles again.”
“I said it wasn’t my problem.”
“Charles doesn’t think I am an a**hole nor did my wife. She got a good laugh out it.”
“Betty told other coworkers and some were on my side while a few were on hers. They think I could have made a joke or just stopped the conversation so Betty didn’t have egg on her face.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. I don’t really know what you could have done, but more to the point, anyone who responds to ‘I’m not gay’ with ‘sure you are’ doesn’t need any help embarrassing herself.” ~ greatgatsby26
“Haha! Exactly.”
“And OP had told her that he does have a wife and kids before so I’m not sure what anyone expected from them further….” ~ fadgeoh
“More precisely, some people are always looking for someone to blame.
“‘Oh, if you’d told me again then, I would’ve totally straightened out (no pun intended) rather than doubling down! I mean, if he says he’s not gay, I don’t believe him, but if you say he’s not again, then I’d know for sure!'”
“If anything, OP prevented her from further embarrassing herself by not saying anything; that way, she was only arguing with one person about whether or not he was gay.” ~ mbbaer
“Seriously, how would that ‘tell me again’ convo have gone – and with Charles right there:”
“‘I’m not gay’.”
“‘Sure you are, I have a sense about these things’.”
“OP: ‘Betty, Charles is not gay, he’s here with his wife’.”
“‘OP, I know these things, c’mon Charles come meet my brother’.”
“Charles’ wife shows up.” ~ KeepLkngForIntllgnce
“My father always taught me you get further in life with a kind word and a big stick than you do with just a big stick.”
“But some people really need that big stick.” ~ lanixvar
“Yeah how is it OP’s fault Betty thought she knew better than even Charles.” ~ Happy-Investment
“Do the people on her side know that you’ve told her about wife and kids before but she refused to believe it?”
“If someone is so judgemental and rude what are you supposed to do with that?”
“He told her himself he wasn’t gay—she continued, what were you gonna say that was going to change things? She was gonna bulldoze ahead regardless.”
“You’re not her nanny!” ~ zebrapantson
“Betty wanted to prove how ‘open minded’ and ‘accepting’ she was. She wanted to make Charles an ornament.”
“Newsflash Betty: we’re not accessories.”
“NTA.” ~ _dirtywater444
“The best part is that she was proving her ‘open-mindedness’ by…. using stereotypes and making assumptions, as well as refusing to accept the truth when it was told to her numerous times.”
“Yeah, REAL open minded there Betty.” ~ SilverSnakes8
“She’s being pretty openly sexist (i.e. asserting that he has to fulfill her ideas of masculinity to be accepted as not gay), and it came back to bite her in the a**.”
“She’s just another flavor of bigot.” ~ drunkenvalley
“They do need a talking to H.R. [human resources] though. Repeated unwanted comments on one’s personal issues are f’king annoying at best, harassment at worst.”
“NTA OP. Also, take notice of who sided with Betty. Now you can pinpoint the office’s a**hole ratio.” ~ Noirceuil_182
The OP provided an update.
“Charles said it wasn’t worth going to HR.”
“Betty leaves us alone unless it’s work related now and we are both happy with that.”
“We think she learned a very hard lesson.”
If you want to rely on stereotypes so heavily that you’ll disregard what people tell you and even contradict the person you stereotyped, there are probably going to be hard lessons and embarrassing situations in your future.