Money doesn’t grow on trees.
That is a hard lesson for the youth to learn.
Responsible financial practices can be difficult to follow.
But they are often necessary.
Debt can creep up very quickly.
That’s the hardest lesson of all.
Redditor Broad_Programmer_203 wanted to discuss their experience and get feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to bail out my only son from $15,000 debt?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My only son, who is 20, has racked up about $15,000 in credit card debt.”
“He has a decent job, but he spends way more than he earns—stuff like designer clothes, eating out all the time, and weekend getaways.”
“Now he’s struggling to even make the minimum payments and has come to me asking for a loan to wipe out the debt.”
“For context, I’ve bailed him out before with smaller money problems.”
“I’ve covered his rent when he couldn’t pay, or I’ve handled unexpected car repairs for him.”
“Every time, he swears it’ll be the last time and that he’ll get his act together with budgeting, but that never happens.”
“I love my son to death and want him to do well, but I’m scared that if I keep rescuing him, he’ll never learn to handle his finances. “
“Also, I’m not rich—giving him $15,000 would mean pulling from my retirement savings, which I’ve been building for years to secure my own future.”
“I’m stuck.”
“I hate the idea of him facing big consequences like wrecked credit or even bankruptcy, which could haunt him for a long time.”
“But I also don’t want him to keep overspending and relying on me to clean up the mess.”
“I’ve tried talking to him about budgeting and planning, but he either ignores me or makes excuses.”
“Maybe I should’ve been tougher before, and that’s why we’re back here again.”
“There’s also this family thing—my parents always said you help your kids no matter what, and they bailed me out when I was younger.”
“It makes me feel like I should step up for him too, but I’m starting to think that might just enable him more.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, tell me: Would I be the a**hole if I said no to giving him the money this time and let him face the fallout of his choices?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Absolutely do not extract your retirement savings for this.”
“Instead, sit with him, and ask him to sit down with you to figure out the problem.”
“He can download 12 months of bank records and credit card charges.”
“The truth is that, in addition to living beyond his means, he is likely paying 30% interest on his cards, but doesn’t really understand how much that is per year, especially as it is compounding monthly.” ~ sanityjanity
“He needs to go to the bank and consolidate his debt into a personal loan.”
“Make him pay it off, with bank interest (but lower than credit card interest would be), so he actually starts to learn to live within his means.”
“If people keep bailing him out he’ll refuse to change; he has no respect for the people he takes money from.” ~ Permit-Extreme-117
“This is the way to go.”
“He should also sell his designer clothes, stop eating out, and stop the weekend getaways.”
“Calling OP an AH for not bailing him out is a bit rich for someone who refuses to live within his means and accept any responsibility.”
“OP was bailed out by their parents, but was it several times as their son expects?”
“Sometimes the best love you can show is tough love.”
“The son cannot learn any younger that there’s a big difference between wanting and actually needing.”
“He doesn’t NEED designer clothes, takeaways, and weekends away.” ~ Wooden_Opportunity65
“Agree! Don’t loan him a cent.”
“Actions have consequences.”
“He is no longer a child.”
“You have helped him before.”
“It didn’t stick.”
“It won’t this time either.”
“He needs to grow up.”
“If he doesn’t grow up, it will only get worse.”
“Dig your heels in and let him fail or succeed.” ~ Ncbsped
“NTA, this is true.”
“You are helping your child by giving him the means not to do this again.”
“You are NOT helping him by bailing him out repeatedly.”
“Your parents hopefully meant that help can come in more forms than just money.” ~ raelilphil
“DO NOT CO-SIGN on a loan with him!!!”
“As far as ‘family helps family’ you are helping him!”
“My brother is about to declare bankruptcy for the third time! “
“No one taught him how to manage money.”
“After a while he just wanted handouts, usually lying about ‘emergencies’ and just refuses to learn about budgeting.”
“He hasn’t worked in three years.”
“His disabled wife is trying to pay the bills.”
“Don’t let this happen to your son!” ~ Educational-Piano531
“NTA. But has he ever paid you back in the past?”
“He is acting incredibly spoiled and immature by ignoring you or refusing to take responsibility for his massive overspending.”
“He doesn’t get to do that and still expects handouts from you.”
“Tell him that the only way he is going to get even a single dollar more of support is to go through a forensic and adult exploration of his annual finances and apply a strict budget that he lives by.” ~ Goannagoingtogetyou
“He’s only 20.”
“There’s plenty of time for him to rebuild his credit.”
“But there’s never a better time for him to learn about consequences than right now.”
“Protecting him is only going to make things worse. NTA.” ~ 20eyesinmyhead78
“NTA… he clearly sees you as his backup plan.”
“Get him a meeting with a debt advisor about consolidating his credit cards into a loan with lower interest.”
“And then step back.”
“Tell him to start selling his designer gear to pay his debts too.” ~ gringaellie
“NTA – he clearly needs to learn that HE is responsible for the consequences of his actions.”
“He could likely sell some of his designer goods to help bail himself out.” ~ Cheque-Plz
“NTA. OP you help your son by teaching him to solve his own problem.”
“If you’re in the states, each state has a debt consolidation program.”
“They’ll contact his creditors and get him on an affordable payment plan.”
“Then you get him in contact with a financial advisor and they help him build a budget and teach him to live within his means.” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“NTA: I would make any future help I gave him predicated on him taking a money management class of some sort.”
“There are several out there, I can recommend Financial Peace University, as it did wonders for our finances.”
“Bailing him out only kicks the can down the road.”
“He needs to learn how to manage his money, and it’s going to take more than just ‘talking to him about budgeting and planning.'” ~ Prechrchet
“NTA.”
“(1) Offer to help him lay out a budget that will allow him to pay down his debt.”
“But do not pay his bills.”
“And do not touch your retirement funds unless you need them for critical financial shortfalls before you retire.”
“(2) Check and see if he can qualify for a Zero Interest balance transfer credit card.”
“If he is current with his cards and his credit score is above 670, then Capital One has a card that allows transferring another card balance to their car with no interest charged on the transferred balance for 18 Months.”
“The trick is to not use the card during that period and keep the payments up to date, as one late payment can ratchet the interest on the entire card balance to 29% interest.”
“(3) If you help him (by helping guide him through this financial mess, do not hand him money (let him pay it off himself with his earnings) and insist on him providing access to his credit reporting bureau accounts so you can watch with him for changes in his credit rating.”
“It also allows you to see any new accounts being opened or closed.”
“(4) Mandate he comes to the house with his credit cards in hand.”
“Then take the cards, put them in a plastic container, fill them with water to cover the cards and place them in your freezer.”
“He has to stop charging things.”
“Getting the cards out of his wallet removes impulse buying with credit cards.”
“(5) Mandate he provides access to his online credit card statements so you can verify he is not continuing to charge more expenses to the cards.”
“(6) Be sure to cross-check the open accounts listed by the credit bureaus against the credit cards he places in the ice block in your freezer.”
“Periodically recheck to make sure no new accounts are opened and that accounts are being kept up-to-date.”
“(7) Have him focus any money left over from his budget to pay down the card with the smallest balance.”
“That will accelerate the payoff of that card.”
“Then focus the amount that was being paid on the now paid-off card, on the next card in his list of debts.”
“This will pay the next card at an accelerated rate.”
“This provides positive more frequent feedback and allows him to see progress rather than the long dreary long-term payoff of high-interest credit.”
“Rinse and repeat until the cards are paid off.”
“(8) Make it clear he has two choices.”
“One you will help him get out of the mess he is in by guiding him through developing a budget and learning to run his life with no red ink or his other option is to screw himself over for life with poor credit and possible bankruptcy.”
“Point out that bankruptcy can block employment in many fields, particularly government contractor employment and civil service.”
“(9) If you bail him out by paying his bills, he is going to view the Bank of Mom and Dad as his piggy bank in the future.” ~ redneckerson1951
“NTA. He’s facing difficult consequences because you’ve always bailed him out before and he’s never had to learn better.”
‘You’ve got to let him deal with it himself.’
“This will be life-changing in a good way.”
“He’ll have to make a financial plan and stick with it.”
“And it’s no worse than any other young man who bought a new car and crashed it before insuring it.”
“Let him swim through his own turds, it’s the only way.” ~ IncredulousPulp
“The minute you clear his debt, he will get another card.”
“Perhaps take him to one of those companies that will go into bat for him by arranging a lower-interest loan and negotiate for him to sort his credit out.”
“Make him responsible; you’re not always going to be around.”
“He’s a man and can start manning up now.”
“It’s not really that big amount and this could be good for him.” ~ Impossible-Ad-5710
“NTA. You could help him by looking at debt consolidation and other solutions.”
“Give him the tools to help himself.”
“But not the money.”
“having been your son it’s the only way he learns!!” ~ Organic_Sun7976
“If you bail him out this time, what’s your limit for next time?”
“I got in trouble with money when I was his age, leaving Uni and starting out in life with no knowledge of how to balance salary, spending, etc.”
“My parents refused to help me.”
“I’m pretty good with money now, comfortable, savings, pension, visas, etc.”
“My younger sister,r however, they were always happy to keep handing her cash every time she asked.”
“If she needed help with car repairs, rent/mortgage, they were always there.”
“She’s now 36 and still can’t stand on her own two feet, spends more than she earns, and knows she’ll get handouts whenever she asks.”
“Helping your kids out ‘no matter what’ doesn’t always just mean handing them cash every time they ask.” ~ Petrichor_ness
“NTA. You’ve bailed your son out in the past (multiple times it sounds like). But he learned nothing from it.”
“You’d be enabling him if you took on his 15k debt, which he racked up himself.”
“He needs to learn budgeting, fiscal responsibility, and to live within his own means.”
“Don’t take money from your retirement to bail him out.”
“He’s an adult; he needs to learn that choices and actions have consequences.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA – I fully support the saying that you help out your family no matter what.”
“But that doesn’t mean to bail them out just because.”
“Helping would mean that things get better in the long run, and for that, your son needs to grow up.”
‘If your son doesn’t learn to budget his own life and understand that his actions have consequences, you’re probably gonna spend your whole retirement on him.”
“He’s gotta learn this, either with your help through budgeting and saving money or without your help the really hard way.”
“His choice.” ~ Party-Department9074
“NTA. You cannot afford to help him.”
“Don’t mention your retirement fund, that’s your business and for you alone.”
“He needs to hit rock bottom before he can get back up.”
“He will get back up but it will require a lot of effort on his part.”
“The effort needs to come from him.” ~ manual_typewriter
Reddit is with you on this one, OP.
Your son is twenty, not five.
He is capable of getting himself out of this mess.
He clearly has learned nothing from his past financial issues
Time to grow up and figure it out.
Save your money for you or a real emergency.
Good luck.