No one likes a party pooper.
All it can take is one person to spoil everyone’s fun.
Be it on an outing that everyone was looking forward to, or just a casual gathering, one person’s negative energy or distracting behavior can steadily affect everyone’s mood.
Sometimes even having damaging consequences to long-standing relationships.
Redditor Plane-Presence9361 agreed to invite her brother’s girlfriend (GF) to her bachelorette party.
However, it didn’t take long for the original poster (OP) to regret her decision.
As her brother’s girlfriend didn’t share even the slightest interest in partaking in bachelorette activities.
Instead, the GF of the OP’s brother set her priorities elsewhere, despite the OP’s numerous requests to stop.
Having doubts about how she handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking a guest to not crochet at my bachelorette party?”
The OP explained why she was frustrated that one of the guests at her bachelorette party seemed to have other priorities:
“I’m (28 F[emale]) getting married this year (yay!) and went on my bachelorette party trip last weekend.”
“The trip was to a cabin-type setting where we all stayed in the same house.”
“I have three bridesmaids, but also invited some friends to come along.”
“Part of the group is my brother’s girlfriend (36 F, brother is 38 M[ale]) of five months who isn’t in the wedding party.”
“She wasn’t initially invited because I don’t know her well and they live in another state, but my brother asked me to invite her as a favor to him.”
“He said that she’s never been invited to a bachelorette and likely never would be (I have no idea why, this is just what he told me), and hoped she could have this experience.”
“Since people would be paying their own way and the group wasn’t large, I figured why not.”
“She seemed nice enough.”
“The problem is that during the weekend, she would insist on crocheting all the time, even during our events and games.”
“When I asked her to participate with us, she said that she took time off for the trip, and wanted to make the most of her ‘vacation’ by catching up on her crochet projects.”
“And that playing games and hanging out with my friends wasn’t ‘fun’ and she didn’t want to ‘waste’ her days off (all her words, not mine).”
“To be clear, I don’t care that she wants to crochet in general.”
“Most of our activities ended after dinner anyways and we’d just hang out in the living room.”
“I just asked her to saving the crocheting for at night after the activities.”
“My issue is that she was taking her crocheting with us to places like wine tasting, brunch, a museum tour, etc.”
“It was super disrespectful in my eyes because she’d insist on coming yet wouldn’t participate in the activity.”
“Honestly, I was bothered that she was crocheting when we were playing bridal games, but at least that was in our living room!”
“The trips over now, but apparently she was super peeved that I asked to limit her crocheting time, and my brother’s been pestering me to apologize to her for ruining her trip.”
“I personally don’t feel like I should, because she shouldn’t have come to a bachelorette party if she didn’t want to do bachelorette-y things!”
“But I also love brother very much and I don’t want this to come between us.”
“I’m starting to doubt myself because his girlfriend sounds really annoyed with me.”
“She was crocheting a throw blanket about the width of my entire arm span.”
“That’s what she was carrying with her to dinner, museums, wineries, etc.”
“It wasn’t some small thing the size of my palm.”
“She also had the materials for the blanket with her: about five balls of yarn?”
“I’m not sure what you’d call it, but each ball was about the size of a cantaloupe.”
“We gave her the option to stay home.”
“I told her I wouldn’t be offended if this trip wasn’t her style and she wanted to spend it crocheting.”
“But she insisted on coming out with us to every single event.”
“Even though my brother asked me to bring her, she admitted to me that she wanted to come and that she had asked my brother to ask me.”
“She’s doesn’t have social anxiety.”
“She just thought our activities were boring and a waste of her time.”
“I overheard her calling my party a ‘basic b*tch bachelorette”, but I didn’t want to confront her because I didn’t want to cause drama.”
“My biggest issue isn’t that she wasn’t giving me attention.”
“Please! I’m a grown adult and already thankful for the friends giving me love and joy during the weekend.”
“I just thought it was super rude to crochet such a big project during group activities.”
“She literally brought her blanket to a museum and crocheted during a private tour!”
“Please help!”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for asking her brother’s GF not to crochet at her bachelorette party.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s girlfriend was just plain rude, pointing out that she wasn’t on a “vacation”, and if she didn’t want to participate in any activities she just shouldn’t have come at all.
“So… do we maybe see why brother’s GF would never be invited to a bachelorette party?”
“NTA.”
“I’m SUPER curious about whether B’s GF even wanted to go on this bachelorette weekend or whether it might have been your brother’s idea, and that answer changes how much I judge the GF here.”
“If this was your brother’s idea, her A-holery is super mild.”
“She had vacation time, this is what she wanted to do with it, your brother set this trip up so she could spend some time with you…. it’s unfortunate that he inserted himself here and ruined both of your weekends.”
“If she made the suggestion herself, then she is WILDLY A-holish.”
“You don’t need to sit around at a wine-tasting doing crochet, and more importantly… no one with much sense of etiquette would.”
“It’s one thing if you’re sitting around the house in those quiet evenings.”
“Yes, by all means, relax how you want.”
“But during scheduled events?”
“Don’t come on the trip if you don’t want to participate in things.”
“The worst part is that if she had done one or two things, maybe the wine-tastings or the games, without the crochet, and had just told you she was shy or quiet or an introvert with a limited social battery, this would have been fine.”
“You would have cared more that she did the one or two things than that she crocheted during all of the other things.”- rockology_adam
“NTA.”
“And honestly, a private museum tour is the least basic b*tch bachelorette activity I’ve ever heard of.”- Agreeable-animal
“If anyone needs to apologize, it’s your brother, for asking that his gf come along AND the gf.”
“She’s just RUDE.”
“NTA.”- mizfit416
“Who does crocheting when they’re wine tasting or on a museum tour anyhow, bachelorette party or not?”
“NTA.”- NoHorseNoMustache
“Tell your brother, ‘you owe me big time, bro’.”
“‘Not only did she sour the vibe of my trip, but I don’t appreciate her calling it a “basic b*tch bachelorette”.'”
“‘Get off my back and do not ask for any more favors regarding your two-faced gf until she apologizes to ME for wasting my time’.”
“‘After all the nasty things she said, I don’t even want her at my wedding because lord knows what she’ll say or do there’.”
“Be honest with brother and stick to the facts.”
“Update us on what happens.”
“She sounds like loads of fun!”
“Lol NTA.”- Majestic_Register346
“Your brother literally said he wanted her to go because she’d never been invited to a bachelorette and she ‘hoped she could have the experience’.”
“But instead of her being in the moment and ACTUALLY participating to GET THE EXPERIENCE she closed herself off by focusing on crocheting.”
“You didn’t ruin her trip.”
“She imposed on your trip and isolated herself.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“NTA.”- SelinaRochell22
“NTA.”
“I crochet, and her behavior is abhorrent.”
“Like, if you’re all sitting in the living room chatting or something, that would be reasonable.”
“Hauling a blanket/materials out & about while snarking is mean and disrespectful.”
“She should have taken you up on the offer to chill in the cabin or just gotten a hotel room for a solo crochet vacation (crochetion?) and told your brother she was going.”- alternate_geography
One imagines that the OP’s brother wanted his girlfriend to go on this trip because he expects her to remain a part of his life for the considerable future and wants the OP to make a good impression on her.
However, seeing as the weekend was the OP’s bachelorette party, one would think that the OP’s brother’s girlfriend would have wanted to do likewise, and she didn’t even try.
It seems the only possible path to forgiveness here is if that throw blanket turns out to be a wedding gift for the OP.