Nearby neighbors can be a blessing and a curse.
People often hope for a Ricardos and Mertzes situation, but mostly the neighbor situation turns into a Michael Myers thing.
Some neighbors just love to spy and report back on everybody.
These types of circumstances can lead to tension and anger.
Then, once the whole neighborhood gets involved, there is no peace.
Redditor Lameastronaute wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for sitting braless in my garden?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We are living in a complex, and have a small garden within for ourselves.”
“The complex plants bushes, but they are not super high.”
“So you can see the neighbors in their own garden, and from the shared inner garden space.”
“A neighbor complained to me for sitting in only a shirt, no bra, in our ‘patio’/own garden.”
“I am a bit scared they will complain on the shared Facebook group of the complex, as that would be humiliating, so I apologized out of shock and went with it.”
“Now I am thinking I shouldn’t have – like come on, I could be braless in public, but especially within our own garden.”
“I am planning to keep sitting braless, but would I be the a**hole if next time I see him, I would say something?”
“I feel silly getting upset about this.”
“I think what I did is normal, but maybe I shouldn’t openly make a debate out of it in the complex?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Maybe a Facebook post about how creepy your neighbour was checking out whether you were wearing a bra while relaxing in your own private space might turn the tables.” ~ Jeffreymoo
“💯 this!!”
“Turn the tables on the creep!” ~ GlitteringBeat213
“I didn’t catch the gender of the neighbor until the second paragraph, and my brain did a record scratch.”
“Like, this would be over the line and rude even if it was a woman, but a male neighbor commenting on whether or not you are wearing a bra is f**king creepy!!”
“He’s leering into her yard, then trying to make HER feel like the perpetrator!?!”
“The absolute nerve!”
“Yes, OP, you absolutely need to warn your neighbors about this guy.”
“He is the one in the wrong, and it’s not even close!” ~ ZestyCinnamon
“NTA. I’m genuinely sorry you’re dealing with this; that shocked apology response is so relatable, and I hate that you were made to feel ashamed in your own space.”
“Here’s the thing: you were wearing a shirt in your own garden.”
“The fact that your neighbor noticed you weren’t wearing a bra under your clothing and felt entitled to comment on it is deeply inappropriate.”
“You have every right to be comfortable in your own home.”
“I understand some folks were raised with different ideas about modesty, and that’s valid for their own choices.”
“But there’s a huge difference between choosing to dress a certain way for yourself versus policing what others wear, especially on their own property.”
“And let’s be real: bras aren’t a moral requirement, they’re an undergarment choice.”
“Many of us go braless for comfort, health reasons, or simply personal preference.”
“For those worried about ‘what if children see,’ kids see nipple outlines through shirts all the time (on all genders).”
“It’s just a human body existing.”
“We’re not talking about inappropriate exposure here; we’re talking about someone wearing normal clothes in their garden.”
“OP, you deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own space without worrying about surveillance.”
“Whether you choose to address this with your neighbor or not, please don’t let this make you feel like you did anything wrong.”
“Your body, your property, your choice.”
“And honestly?”
“The fact that he was looking closely enough to determine your undergarment situation is the only concerning behavior in this story.” ~ anshukg
“NTA. Do your civic duty and make a post before him.”
“Don’t mention his name, saying that you feel vulnerable because some dirty, old dude has been perving at you from his window and then dared to message you regarding your attire, and that you want to warn other women.” ~ Scarygirlieuk1
“This is what I would do, OP.”
“You were sitting in your private space, minding your own business, fully clothed.”
“Some guy spent enough time staring at you that he could see you weren’t wearing a bra.”
“Others need to be warned.”
“You are NTA.” ~ Amazingroo1973
“This is the correct way to handle this OP, not even out of pettiness, but actual information people need to know.”
“I’m a single woman with a daughter who lives in a condo space.”
“If there is a man peeking into our space to leer at our bodies I damn sure want to know about it!” ~ BVBnCFCinORF
“NTA. YOU shared on the Facebook page about a man prowling around watching women in their gardens, commenting on their breasts and underwear.” ~ MaterialSituation325
“This is super inappropriate and maybe even worth mentioning to the office of your complex, if there is one.”
“You have no requirement to wear a bra ANYWHERE!”
“You being in your own space, not bothering anyone and this asshat feels he can comment!”
“Definitely not.”
“I’d ignore this person moving forward.” ~ Patient_Town1719
“Gently, there are disturbing gender variables at play here.”
“It’s frankly upsetting to think that you, an autonomous adult woman, have been harangued into questioning yourself and your sartorial decisions by a man who is leering at you in your own yard.”
“It’s equally troubling that you think that *you* would be humiliated if his bad behaviour became public, so you apologized and changed your clothes.”
“The debate here should not be over you just living your life, but on his creepy and controlling behavior.”
“It’s up to you whether you should address this with him.”
“If that would make you feel as though you regained some of the power that you gave away to him with your entirely unwarranted apology, then do it. NTA.” ~ CandylandCanada
“I thought you meant completely topless and coming from Norway, where nudity is a normal thing, I was shooketh that someone would tell you what to wear or not in your own space.”
“But a f**king shirt on?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“That guy is creepy AF and should shut up.”
“He doesn’t wear a bra, why the f**k would he care if you’re wearing one in your home?”
“Seriously, NTA and WTF is wrong with that guy.” ~ clockwork0orange
“Stick a note through his door telling him it has come to your attention that he is naked under his clothes when in your eyesight, and you find it objectionable. NTA.” ~ kifflington
“NTA, what a creepy neighbor!”
“Talking about your undergarments?”
“Unacceptable, and if continued, I would press harassment charges.” ~ No_Perspective_242
“NTA. You have every right to exist comfortably in your own space, whether that’s braless in your garden, in your home, or out in public.”
“Your body is yours, and unless you’re violating a written rule of the complex (which you’re not), your neighbor’s discomfort is their problem, not yours.”
“That said, if you want to address it, you don’t need to make it a debate. a simple, ‘I thought about your comment, and I realize I’m not doing anything wrong by relaxing in my own garden. I’d appreciate it if you’d respect that it is firm but polite.”
“If they escalate (e.g., posting in the Facebook group), remember: they’re the ones making it weird, not you.”
“If you’re worried about backlash, you could also check the complex’s rules to arm yourself with confidence.”
“But honestly? Wear (or don’t wear) what makes you comfortable.” ~ royallyseagreen
“You can’t usually tell someone is braless from a distance unless you’re specifically looking at their tits, so he was definitely looking at yours.”
“That’s his problem.”
“I go braless at my home and around my yard all the time.”
“If any of the neighbors don’t like it, that’s their problem to deal with. NTA.” ~ Administration_Easy
“NTA – you are legally allowed to be in whatever state of undress, on your private property, whenever you please.”
“Other people do not get to tell you to cover up on your own property, on your own patio, or in your home.”
“This has been addressed, many, many times by police and law enforcement over the years, and as long as you are not doing anything lewd, even in the US, your neighbor is just being a prude.” ~ AnonAnontheAnony
“NTA. He had a nifty thing called a neck.”
“He can turn it.”
“He also has these nifty things called eyelids, which open and close at will!”
“If he doesn’t want to see, he can go away.”
“It’s the nice thing about being on your own property! 😂”
“Seriously, though, I’m that guy.”
“Wear what you want.”
“It’s your house and your space.”
“It’s not YOUR job to make HIM comfortable.”
“That’s a him problem.”
“I repeat: NTA.” ~ ImYourMallory
“Ha! Wear a bra for someone else’s comfort.”
“Hell no.”
“I just had a reduction and I am braless all the time.”
“I wear something for work, and if my dad or son-in-law is here, but that’s it.”
“This is misogyny, and we must start calling it out.” ~ Excellent-Produce352
“NTA: No woman should ever feel like they HAVE to wear a bra in nature or in their free time!!!”
“I mean, I’m somewhat extreme, I think no woman should ever be required to wear a bra, but definitely in their free time!”
“Be free!!!” ~ Entkoffeiniertin
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is ludicrous.
How dare your neighbor invade your privacy in such a way?
You have every right to speak up for yourself.