When a friend asks for our help, our first inclination is to offer it.
Most of the time, we feel good at the end of the day for doing so, knowing that we got our friend out of a bind and made a difference in their lives in the long run.
However, sometimes we aren't prepared for the sort of help our friends were looking for.
Occasionally, we find ourselves less than inclined to continue offering said help.
Redditor RavenFeather98 was initially happy to help a friend pursue a new professional aspiration.
However, with the passage of time, the original poster (OP)'s friend steadily began to expect more and more help than she was able to give.
Finally telling her friend she could no longer continue helping her.
After being called "selfish" by her friend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to keep helping my friend with her side hustle after she started treating me like an unpaid employee?"
The OP explained why she felt she couldn't continue helping her friend with a business venture:
"I (28 F[emale]) have a friend, Chloe (29 F[emale]), who started an online jewelry business a few months ago."
"She asked me to help out here and there with packaging and social media stuff, saying it'd be chill and fun."
"I agreed 'cause I wanted to support her."
"At first, it was super low-key, like an hour or two a week."
"But over the last couple of months, it's gotten way out of hand."
"She sends me daily to-do lists, expects me to drop everything for her biz, and gets mad if I don't put her stuff before my actual job."
"She's even started calling me her 'social media assistant' to our friends, even though I'm not paid at all."
"Last week, she told me I had to spend my entire Saturday helping her prep for a craft fair, saying, 'You owe me this, you're part of the team!'"
"I told her nicely that I love supporting her, but I'm not her employee, and my time is valuable."
"I said I couldn't keep helping if it's not casual and if there's no pay for all the extra work."
"Chloe flipped out and called me selfish, saying I was 'abandoning' her and not a real friend."
"Now she's telling our friends I'm the bad guy for not helping her 'dream' come true."
"AITA for setting a boundary and refusing to do unpaid work?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to continue helping her friend:
Everyone agreed that the OP's friend was taking advantage of her, and if she wanted the OP as part of her business, then she needed to start treating her like a proper employee and start paying her.
"NTA."
"You agreed to casually help a friend with her side hustle, and she slowly morphed that into a full-blown job without pay or boundaries."
"That's not support, that's exploitation."
"The second she started sending you daily to-do lists and calling you her 'assistant', she crossed the line from 'chill and fun' to 'I'm taking advantage of your time and energy."
"You're not abandoning her dream, you're just not letting her live it on your back for free."
"Wanting to be compensated or at least respected for your time is not selfish, it's basic."
"Her guilt-tripping and turning your mutual friends against you is manipulative, not passionate."
"If she wants a team, she can hire one."
"You're not the villain for not being her unpaid intern."
"You're just someone who knows your worth."- Quirky-Ad1813
"NTA."
"You need to counter her narrative and tell your friends that she is treating you like an employee with no pay and damaging your personal life."
"Shut this down hard."
"She is acting with blinders on and using your generosity to further her business."- giantbrownguy
"NTA."
"She's a bad friend for expecting so much of you without compensation."
"At the same time, a good friend is willing to call you out if you're behaving poorly."
"Don't let her pressure you into backing down."
"Your time is valuable too."- 0biterdicta
"NTA she is."
"It is her business, not yours, and you have a life of your own."
"She is beyond ridiculous expecting you to be a FREE forever servant."- Initial_Potato5023
"NTA and your friend is taking advantage of you."
"I can't imagine other friends taking her side when it's clearly only benefiting her and you're getting nothing out of this at all."- BlondDee1970
"NTA."
"If any of your friends have a problem with it, then they can step up to help her."- Candid_Deer_8521
"If she can tell her friends how 'horrible' you are, she can ask them to help her with her 'biz'."
"NTA and I would limit, if not completely cut contact with her."
"She doesn't act like a friend."- mayd3r
"NTA."
"My favorite part is that you 'owe her'."
"Because she has been so gracious by letting you work for free up until now."- qtip53
"NTA."
"Respect and boundaries between friends are a two-way street."- Ivy-Turner
"NTA."
"If they're making money off it, they should be compensating you for your work."
"It's really that simple."
"A good friend wouldn't imagine not compensating you, they'd be offering something up front."-H_Lunulata
"You're the a-hole for letting it get this far and letting her use you."
"Dump her."
"She's no friend to you."
"NTA."- garthastro
"She called you selfish - so what?"
"She's maligning you to friends - who cares?"
"She claims that you torpedoed her dream - it's 'her' dream, so let her work for it."
"Enjoy the time that you won't be spending on her fruitless pursuit (fifty bucks says that this business has never earned a dime, and never will)."
"NTA."- CandylandCanada
"NTA."
"Either this is a hobby or this is business, neither of which you are obligated to help her."
"And if this is a business, her helpers are employees whom she must pay."- Tankline34
"NTA."
"'Supporting a friend' and 'being an unpaid employee' are two very different things."
"Chloe tried to pull a bait-and-switch, then got mad when you didn't fall for it."
"Setting boundaries is healthy, and a real friend would respect that, not try to guilt-trip you."-PavePhantom
"NTA."
"Supporting a friend doesn't mean being taken advantage of."
"You offered help, not free labor."
"Chloe crossed the line by treating you like an unpaid employee and guilt-tripping you for setting a reasonable boundary."
"That's not friendship... it's exploitation."- imnothatcute
"NTA."
"She sounds entitled and disrespectful."- hotmesssorry
"NTA."
"If she's making a profit and not sharing any of it with people who she's assigning tasks to do for her, she's the one not being supportive, or appreciative."- Ornery-Wasabi-473
"NTA."
"I think Chloe is very selfish and entitled."
"Even 1-2 hours a week was very generous of you."
"If Chloe thinks your time is that valuable, she needs to pay for it."
"At this point I wouldn't take money even if it was offered, but she should at least have offered to compensate you in some way."
"If Chloe or anyone else thinks otherwise, or if anyone thinks you somehow 'owe' Chloe your time, effort and inner peace, tell them they are also selfish and entitled and they are welcome to help Chloe."
"Maybe also show Chloe the comments on this thread."- Ravenclaw_Starshower
"Obviously NTA."
"Start sending her to-do lists for your real job."
"Tell her she needs to be there for you."
"Sheesh."- Quick-Possession-245
"NTA."
"You can't really think you are?"- Careless-Ability-748
"NTA."
"She needs to learn how to treat people."
"Mistreatment should come with consequences."- Noyoueatitbub
"NTA."
"Tell her you don't like working for free."
"You need to be compensated or you're done helping her."- CRK_76
"NTA."
"She can't have it both ways."
"Does she want a friend or an employee?"
"You have gone above and beyond."
"You should have learned to say no long before now."- Top_Philosopher1809
"You're NTA but you should have put your foot down and stopped letting Ms. Taskmaster take advantage of you weeks ago."- Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"Unfriend her."
"She clearly just sees you as an unpaid worker/slave."
"Even if you guys try to work it out, she'll try to get you to 'help' once again because she has no intention of hiring employees."- S9_noworries
The fact that the OP's friend referred to her as a "social media assistant" would leave one to think that the OP was a paid, full-time employee.
In which case, the OP would be entitled to a salary.
If the OP's friend can't see and acknowledge that the OP has devoted more of her time and energy to her side hustle than she probably should have, then she isn't worthy of the OP's help.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.