When a friend asks for our help, our first inclination is to offer it.
Most of the time, we feel good at the end of the day for doing so, knowing that we got our friend out of a bind and made a difference in their lives in the long run.
However, sometimes we aren't prepared for the sort of help our friends were looking for.
Occasionally, we find ourselves less than inclined to continue offering said help.
Redditor RavenFeather98 was initially happy to help a friend pursue a new professional aspiration.
However, with the passage of time, the original poster (OP)'s friend steadily began to expect more and more help than she was able to give.
Finally telling her friend she could no longer continue helping her.
After being called "selfish" by her friend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to keep helping my friend with her side hustle after she started treating me like an unpaid employee?"
The OP explained why she felt she couldn't continue helping her friend with a business venture:
"I (28 F[emale]) have a friend, Chloe (29 F[emale]), who started an online jewelry business a few months ago."
"She asked me to help out here and there with packaging and social media stuff, saying it'd be chill and fun."
"I agreed 'cause I wanted to support her."
"At first, it was super low-key, like an hour or two a week."
"But over the last couple of months, it's gotten way out of hand."
"She sends me daily to-do lists, expects me to drop everything for her biz, and gets mad if I don't put her stuff before my actual job."
"She's even started calling me her 'social media assistant' to our friends, even though I'm not paid at all."
"Last week, she told me I had to spend my entire Saturday helping her prep for a craft fair, saying, 'You owe me this, you're part of the team!'"
"I told her nicely that I love supporting her, but I'm not her employee, and my time is valuable."
"I said I couldn't keep helping if it's not casual and if there's no pay for all the extra work."
"Chloe flipped out and called me selfish, saying I was 'abandoning' her and not a real friend."
"Now she's telling our friends I'm the bad guy for not helping her 'dream' come true."
"AITA for setting a boundary and refusing to do unpaid work?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to continue helping her friend:
Everyone agreed that the OP's friend was taking advantage of her, and if she wanted the OP as part of her business, then she needed to start treating her like a proper employee and start paying her.
"NTA."
"You agreed to casually help a friend with her side hustle, and she slowly morphed that into a full-blown job without pay or boundaries."
"That's not support, that's exploitation."
"The second she started sending you daily to-do lists and calling you her 'assistant', she crossed the line from 'chill and fun' to 'I'm taking advantage of your time and energy."
"You're not abandoning her dream, you're just not letting her live it on your back for free."
"Wanting to be compensated or at least respected for your time is not selfish, it's basic."
"Her guilt-tripping and turning your mutual friends against you is manipulative, not passionate."
"If she wants a team, she can hire one."
"You're not the villain for not being her unpaid intern."
"You're just someone who knows your worth."- Quirky-Ad1813
"NTA."
"You need to counter her narrative and tell your friends that she is treating you like an employee with no pay and damaging your personal life."
"Shut this down hard."
"She is acting with blinders on and using your generosity to further her business."- giantbrownguy
"NTA."
"She's a bad friend for expecting so much of you without compensation."
"At the same time, a good friend is willing to call you out if you're behaving poorly."
"Don't let her pressure you into backing down."
"Your time is valuable too."- 0biterdicta
"NTA she is."
"It is her business, not yours, and you have a life of your own."
"She is beyond ridiculous expecting you to be a FREE forever servant."- Initial_Potato5023
"NTA and your friend is taking advantage of you."
"I can't imagine other friends taking her side when it's clearly only benefiting her and you're getting nothing out of this at all."- BlondDee1970
"NTA."
"If any of your friends have a problem with it, then they can step up to help her."- Candid_Deer_8521
"If she can tell her friends how 'horrible' you are, she can ask them to help her with her 'biz'."
"NTA and I would limit, if not completely cut contact with her."
"She doesn't act like a friend."- mayd3r
"NTA."
"My favorite part is that you 'owe her'."
"Because she has been so gracious by letting you work for free up until now."- qtip53
"NTA."
"Respect and boundaries between friends are a two-way street."- Ivy-Turner
"NTA."
"If they're making money off it, they should be compensating you for your work."
"It's really that simple."
"A good friend wouldn't imagine not compensating you, they'd be offering something up front."-H_Lunulata
"You're the a-hole for letting it get this far and letting her use you."
"Dump her."
"She's no friend to you."
"NTA."- garthastro
"She called you selfish - so what?"
"She's maligning you to friends - who cares?"
"She claims that you torpedoed her dream - it's 'her' dream, so let her work for it."
"Enjoy the time that you won't be spending on her fruitless pursuit (fifty bucks says that this business has never earned a dime, and never will)."
"NTA."- CandylandCanada
"NTA."
"Either this is a hobby or this is business, neither of which you are obligated to help her."
"And if this is a business, her helpers are employees whom she must pay."- Tankline34
"NTA."
"'Supporting a friend' and 'being an unpaid employee' are two very different things."
"Chloe tried to pull a bait-and-switch, then got mad when you didn't fall for it."
"Setting boundaries is healthy, and a real friend would respect that, not try to guilt-trip you."-PavePhantom
"NTA."
"Supporting a friend doesn't mean being taken advantage of."
"You offered help, not free labor."
"Chloe crossed the line by treating you like an unpaid employee and guilt-tripping you for setting a reasonable boundary."
"That's not friendship... it's exploitation."- imnothatcute
"NTA."
"She sounds entitled and disrespectful."- hotmesssorry
"NTA."
"If she's making a profit and not sharing any of it with people who she's assigning tasks to do for her, she's the one not being supportive, or appreciative."- Ornery-Wasabi-473
"NTA."
"I think Chloe is very selfish and entitled."
"Even 1-2 hours a week was very generous of you."
"If Chloe thinks your time is that valuable, she needs to pay for it."
"At this point I wouldn't take money even if it was offered, but she should at least have offered to compensate you in some way."
"If Chloe or anyone else thinks otherwise, or if anyone thinks you somehow 'owe' Chloe your time, effort and inner peace, tell them they are also selfish and entitled and they are welcome to help Chloe."
"Maybe also show Chloe the comments on this thread."- Ravenclaw_Starshower
"Obviously NTA."
"Start sending her to-do lists for your real job."
"Tell her she needs to be there for you."
"Sheesh."- Quick-Possession-245
"NTA."
"You can't really think you are?"- Careless-Ability-748
"NTA."
"She needs to learn how to treat people."
"Mistreatment should come with consequences."- Noyoueatitbub
"NTA."
"Tell her you don't like working for free."
"You need to be compensated or you're done helping her."- CRK_76
"NTA."
"She can't have it both ways."
"Does she want a friend or an employee?"
"You have gone above and beyond."
"You should have learned to say no long before now."- Top_Philosopher1809
"You're NTA but you should have put your foot down and stopped letting Ms. Taskmaster take advantage of you weeks ago."- Dittoheadforever
"NTA."
"Unfriend her."
"She clearly just sees you as an unpaid worker/slave."
"Even if you guys try to work it out, she'll try to get you to 'help' once again because she has no intention of hiring employees."- S9_noworries
The fact that the OP's friend referred to her as a "social media assistant" would leave one to think that the OP was a paid, full-time employee.
In which case, the OP would be entitled to a salary.
If the OP's friend can't see and acknowledge that the OP has devoted more of her time and energy to her side hustle than she probably should have, then she isn't worthy of the OP's help.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.